After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.
Dear Mrs. Samsel,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
1 June 15:
Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2 July 2:
Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals
3 July 7:
Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4 July 19:
Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."
5 August 4:
Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6 August 14:
Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.
7 August 15:
Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
8 August 23:
When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9 September 4:
Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the " Mission Impossible" theme.
12. October 6:
In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels.
Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
14. October 21:
When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least
15. October 23:
Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
I've heard all these before. I don't know about you, but I've actually tried the "pick me" one-in a freezer. Employees weren't too happy about it, and I was pretty cold, I don't recommend it.
Lgali, here I was thinking all this time that you were a girl! Here you are a retired guy who shops at Walmart!!!
I knew that! I was just joking with you...
Luckily, my boyfriend hates going into Walmart so we rarely go there!
I love going to Wal-Mart. It is a big change from the Salvation Army! My momma says that only snooty people with jobs can afford Wal-Mart.
Well, actually, that is true where I live, lol, and given that they are trying to make their home decor stuff all like Target, known as the 'upscale' discount merchandiser.
Just, those Super Walmarts are d*mn cold and impersonal, blehk... And employees get trampled to death working there and stuff...
I've never been able to resist it, but every time i go past the whole fish i have to poke their face make their mouth open and sing Moon River...
I never take guys shopping for anything anymore. One bad experience did it for me.
Shopping. Designed to drive men and women wild for totally different reasons.
I'm with the men ...
Good one Lgali
I would like to request that other women do not force me to go shopping with them, unless, of course, it is for books. Because, I could give a shit... seriously.
I threatened to breakup with my girlfriend for that same reason... Guys need to be free.
I had a lady at target angrily take a pair of sunglasses off my head.... one at a time.... 6 times in a row... (I managed to find 6 pairs of the same sunglasses and put them all on my head :-P)
My girlfriend never quite forgave me for the tomato incident...
I dunno, I'm a guy and I don't mind helping my girl go shopping. I tend to steer her away from things that would force you to go steal someone's kidney in Tijuana for and away from things that just look wrong... say no to lime green anything period. Aaaaand I can get her into some things that I like personally aaaaaand she's super happy with me for the day. Besides, if you ever get truly bored, you can always start using silver face paint and posing in lewd positions with the front window mannequins...
I'm a woman, but my boyfriend tends to drag me to Wal Mart. I'm half tempted to do these things in the hopes that I, too, will be banned from Wal Mart.
This is so really funny..I could have never thought all those things up...thanks..
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