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Top Google Search With Humor: Why Can't You Eat Before Surgery and Other Nonsense

Updated on November 25, 2012

THE FORMAT

If you are new to this series then what in the world is the matter with you? Where have you been, living under a rock? I’ve been doing these articles for at least seven months, and you mean to tell me you haven’t read one of them in that time? Shame on you!

Well, now is your chance to set things right! Read this one, then go back and read the other twelve, and then you’ll be able to tell your friends and loved ones that you are an official member of the Billybuc Crazy Club!

If you are new to this, let me explain the rules. I do a partial search on Google, a partial question, and then we find out what the Google searchers out there have been looking for. Along the way I add my own brand of humor; some would call it sarcastic. I prefer to call it enlightened. J

Let’s not waste any more valuable time on our lighthearted banter. Today’s partial search question is…..why can’t you? Now let’s see what your fellow inebriated and demented searchers have been looking for.

Searching for answer with my search dog Jazz!
Searching for answer with my search dog Jazz! | Source

WHY CAN’T YOU WEAR WHITE AFTER LABOR DAY?

Well, you most certainly can wear white after Labor Day, but be forewarned that everyone will ridicule you and see you for the bleeb that you are!

Who makes up these rules? I have five change-of-clothes, and the rule of thumb is I wear what is clean…period! If someone dies I’m out of luck because I don’t have a suit. I’ll just wave at the deceased as I drive by the cemetery, because I’ll be wearing a white t-shirt at the time, no matter what time of the year that they died.

What is more of a surprise to me is that people obey this rule, like it came down from God as the Eleventh Commandment….THOU SHALT NOT WEAR WHITE AFTER LABOR DAY! Come to think of it, all the pictures I’ve seen of Jesus, he was wearing white in every picture. I wonder if he knew about this rule. What a rebel!

Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

WHY CAN’T YOU LOVE ME?

You know where I’m going with this one, don’t you? I can’t love you because you insist on wearing white after Labor Day! It’s downright embarrassing to be seen in public with you, so go buy some black like any self-respecting Goth!

Why can’t I love you? How about because you are boring, you snore, your breath smells like rotten fish, and you insist on wearing white to a funeral! Change a few of those character defects and we will chat about love.

WHY CAN’T YOU EAT BEFORE SURGERY?

Simply because surgeons don’t like being puked on, and they especially don’t like being puked on by a patient who wears white after Labor Day and who is unlovable!

I don’t know why you can’t eat before surgery and I don’t care! If my doctor tells me not to eat before surgery, that seems like a pretty good reason not to do so; especially since he’s the one filleting me like a beached flounder. Never annoy a guy with a scalpel in his hands; that’s a rule you can take to the bank!

Who cares why you can’t? Just don’t do it and instead spend your Google time more productively, like searching for the names of the idiots who tell you that you can’t wear white during certain times of the year.

I’m convinced this world would be a better place if I were in charge!

WHY CAN’T YOU DIVIDE BY ZERO?

“One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do…..”…do I really have to explain this? Zero is nothing…duh! You can’t do something with nothing. You can’t go out on a date with nobody! You can’t play cribbage with nobody! You can’t have sex with ……well, never mind! The point is that nothing is nothing, and as such it is nothing…..so nothing happens when you do nothing. Get it?

And if you keep asking these stupid questions nobody will ever love you. How about this question….why can’t you divide a nothing IQ with nothing?

WHY CAN’T YOU TAKE ALLEGRA WITH ORANGE JUICE?

When I first read this I thought it said you couldn’t take Viagra with orange juice and I started to panic. LOL….that’s an old person’s joke and I’m proud of it.

An allergy medicine that does not interact well with citrus juice? Well, how about if you mixed some vodka in with it, and put one of those little umbrellas in there too? Have a couple of those on an empty stomach and you won’t care what the interaction is; heck, you’ll forget all about your allergies.

I do know for a fact that you shouldn’t take Allegra with orange juice before surgery, unless you are the surgeon, and then it won’t make much difference I guess, as long as you are operating on an enemy.

WHY CAN’T YOU GIVE HONEY TO BABIES?

Really? You can’t? How did I survive? My mom was a beekeeper back when I was a little guy, and she used to give me honey like it was the elixir of the gods. Of course, this is the same woman who told me that if I played with myself that I would go blind, so go figure. Come to think of it, I’ve had glasses since I was five, so maybe she knew what she was talking about. Damn!

A Little Rock n Roll About Meat

WHY CAN’T YOU REFREEZE MEAT?

I’m not going to tell you how many times I’ve done this because I don’t want you trying it and then blaming me when you die. Well, you’ll be dead, so you won’t blame me, but your relatives might blame me when I show up at your funeral in my white t-shirt in December.

Seriously, I don’t know. I have somehow managed to pull this stunt off numerous times and I’m still alive, but don’t take my word for it. I’m sure one of my readers will know the answer to this, so why should I bother doing the research. Just don’t eat re-frozen meat while drinking Allegra with orange juice. Now that is one potent combination for sure!

A markercrater lake, or -
Crater Lake, CRATER LAKE, OR 97604, USA
get directions

In case you want to try it yourself

WHY CAN’T YOU SWIM IN CRATER LAKE?

I happen to know where Crater Lake is, but I’m curious how many other people do? Are there really that many people in Oregon on their computers right now asking that question? If you ever visit Crater Lake, stick your toes in the lake and you will never ask that question again. IT’S COLDER THAN A WELL-DIGGERS BUTT!

Crater Lake is so cold that if you were a guy and dove into the water, your manhood would become an innie and not an outie! That’s cold!

UNTIL NEXT TIME

There were a few more questions having to do with online games like Skyrim, but I’ll leave those searches to the serious gamers who have had their joysticks surgically attached to their hands. The rest of us really don’t care now do we?

I hope I’ve answered some of your more pressing inquiries. If you are still confused, just remember to never wear white while swimming in Crater Lake, and for God’s sake don’t let your honey-snorting infant anywhere near Allegra before surgery to extricate that innie!

2012 William D. Holland (aka billybuc)

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    • healthylife2 profile image

      Healthy Life 4 years ago from Connecticut, USA

      Glad I saw this one because I always appreciate a good laugh? Do you make these searches up with your super creative writing ability or are they real? Sharing this and have to admit I'm an official member of the Billybuc Crazy Club!

    • Michele Travis profile image

      Michele Travis 4 years ago from U.S.A. Ohio

      Love this one also. Don't listen to all these 'rules' either. Guess that makes me a nonsense follower. Oh, well I am what I am.

      Short and and a little hubber. lol.....

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Healthylife, I'm not clever enough to make these searches up....or maybe I should say I'm not strange enough. :) Thank you for joining the Crazy Club! Have a great week my friend!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Michele, the great thing about HP is there are no height restrictions. :) Thank you my friend and have a great Monday in Ohio!

    • rcrumple profile image

      Rich 4 years ago from Kentucky

      Funny hub, Bill. Allegra has a side affect of possible menstrual cramps. So, it's my guess that if one were to take it with orange juice, you may give yourself excess orange juice weight gain and have to take orange flavored Midol to get rid of it. This could cause a mess during surgery, especially if one's hand were to be dipped in Crater Lake while asleep, but only if you couldn't love me after Labor Day after giving someone's baby honey while wearing white. Actually, I'm bettin' the baby/honey thing came from an educated doctor with no common sense that let his kid suck on the honeycomb instead of a pacifier. Great Job, my friend! Keep 'em coming!

    • poojasd7 profile image

      poojasd7 4 years ago from India

      LOL! Another dose of laughter! Thanks for coming up with this one. :D

      The other day, I was just typing some general cliched words like: Why do girls....why do boys.....And the auto-prompts given by the google, are left to your imagination... :D

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Pooja, great fun....I will have to do the search you suggested and see what they ask.....very funny! Thank you my young friend.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Rich, how you came up with that so quickly is anyone's guess, but what a great comment. You are one funny guy my friend, and thank you for a great laugh to start my morning.

    • profile image

      Old Poolman 4 years ago

      Bill, it is so great to be able to start the day with a good laugh. I owe you one for writing this and giving me yet another enjoyable day on this great planet we call Earth.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Poolman, it was my pleasure buddy! Soak up some of that Arizona sunshine for me; we are getting wet up here! :)

    • carol7777 profile image

      carol stanley 4 years ago from Arizona

      Another good laugh...I particularly like the one about not eating before surgery and we certainly do not want to annoy the man with the scalpel. You manage to find the most fun things to twist into billybuc humor. Love them all and thanks for taking the time to create some laughter this morning.

    • Janine Huldie profile image

      Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

      Bill, you should be a math teacher and loved the way you explained why you can't divide by zero. I also loved the mention of not giving honey to babies and remember being told this by the doctor with my first. I had to ask of course, because I just could drop that one and was told she could get botulism! Seriously!! Great job as usual and have of course voted and shared all over!!

    • Michael Tully profile image

      Michael Tully 4 years ago

      This was hilarious, Bill. Thanks for helping me get my Monday off to a good start. Sign me up for the Crazy Club!

    • ChristyWrites profile image

      Christy Birmingham 4 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      Oh Bill you silly you! :) Good ones here as always. I am glad this installment continues!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Janine, I have no idea how I survived my childhood! Seriously! My parents didn't know any of this stuff....LOL Blind luck that I'm here today! Thank you my dear, and remember....nothing from nothing means nothing!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Michael, you are now officially a member. You don't have to do much....just be yourself. :) Than you my friend and glad you enjoyed.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Christy, I can live with silly....I've been called much worse. :) Thank you my dear!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Carol, at least I've cleaned up my humor; you should have listened to us in college! LOL

      Thank you my friend; welcome back and have a great week!

    • whonunuwho profile image

      whonunuwho 4 years ago from United States

      Thanks for sharing the "don'ts" Bill. Thank God there are a few "dos" left in life to enjoy.

    • midget38 profile image

      Michelle Liew 4 years ago from Singapore

      Am curious what other answers we'll get to the Why Can't You Love Me question. Hmm! Something for me to google later! Thanks for the write, Sir BIll! I share as well!!

    • Austinstar profile image

      Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      What doesn't anyone love me? Well because I am a biatch from hell is my guess. My Bob is a stubborn cuss. He loves in spite of all the orange juice and allegra I give him in the mornings.

      Thanks for the laughs!

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 4 years ago from New York

      There really needs to be a hilarious button on your hub pages! Any white wearing, Allegra taking orange juice drinker who eats honey will tell you (though they'll probably be sporting an innie) that they're brave enough to stick a big toe in Crater Lake....I'm leaving the answer to that to your imagination!

      I'm so glad we have Google to keep you researching and us laughing.

      Voted up, funny, interesting and shared.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Whonunuwho, thank God indeed! It's just more fun that way, right? Thank you my friend!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Michelle, I would be afraid to make that search. LOL Thank you my Singapore friend and have a great day!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Austin, he is one stubborn cuss for sure! LOL Love it; keep giving it to him; it obviously is good for him.

      Thank you Texas!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Mary, one of these days HP will ban one of these; I'm just waiting for it to happen. In the meantime, it's fun to have fun, right?

      Thank you kind lady; glad you enjoyed!

    • JayeWisdom profile image

      Jaye Denman 4 years ago from Deep South, USA

      This was so funny, Bill, that I laughed out loud several times. Google has proven to be a real mine for your humor. Now, why can't I....? Never mind--I'll Google it!

      Jaye

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jaye, great line! Let me know what you come up with on that search. :) Thank you my friend; it feels good to get a little silly from time to time.

    • LaThing profile image

      LaThing 4 years ago from From a World Within, USA

      Billy, I am guilty! The whole top section, I felt like you were talking to me (more like reprimanding me!) .... I was reading the whole thing with big guilt sign hanging above my head :(

      Anyways, :) this is really funny, and fresh.... Now I have to go and read the rest of them. So if I do I a day, I sould be done in 12 days :)

      see you soon.....

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      LaThing, too funny!

      I'm guilty of about half this list....shhh, don't tell anyone! :) No wonder I like you; you do the same goofy stuff I do.

      Have a great week my friend and thank you!

    • MizBejabbers profile image

      MizBejabbers 4 years ago

      You've done it again, my friend. How do you do it? Have you ever thought of going into standup! Love it, and that's something coming from someone who wears white after Labor Day and reacts badly to Allegra anyway. The nex pressing question is "why is it not OK to give your dog cheese?" I heard a vet on TV just today say that it is OK as long as you don't give him the whole wedge. Now that would be a real show stopper! Voted you up and funny because they don't have a "hilarious" button.

    • profile image

      Justsilvie 4 years ago

      Great Hub. Was nice to start the day with a laugh... Will share it so others can too.

    • Jordanwalker39 profile image

      Jordanwalker39 4 years ago from GA

      This was just awesome! Now I am gonna go plug random stuff into google.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jordan, it is great entertainment. When I'm bored, which isn't often, I always do a random search. Thanks buddy!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Justsilvie; greatly appreciated!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Miz, thank you so much! I'm laughing out loud about giving the dog a whole wedge of cheese! DUH! I think it's funny the vet even thought he had to say that. Life is fun my friend; we might as well laugh and prolong our lives, right?

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 4 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      These are terrific, Billy! Even though it is my day off, and I still have to go in for a Safety Meeting/evaluation, I will have a smile on my face due to this piece. Thanks for coming to Boomer Lake!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      La la la dee da dee da.......Huh? Oh! Hi bill! Don't mind me, I'm just kicked back here, humming a happy tune....attempting to concentrate on some vital matters. Actually, it's the only way I can think of, to block out the searches I just read in your super funny hub. Sure, I appreciate the laugh Of course I do.

      It's just that knowing those searches exist, really frightens me..I'm contemplating becoming a hermit. It's very spooky to think there are real humans who are searching for answers to these questions. I mean, you haven't rummaged through the files at a psyche Facility, have you?........I might even feel better if you have.............UP+++

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      Thank the fashion gods I live in Florida where I can wear white any damn time of the year. As for the zero idiots with zero common sense, was it Billy Preston who sang "Nothin' from nothin' leaves nothin'"?, in which case, it's probably ok if they play with themselves!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Deb, thanks for stopping by Olympia on your way to the Safety meeting. Greatly appreciated my friend!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Sha, I do believe it was Billy Preston, RIP! LOL Too much fun! We just have too much fun writing, don't we?

      Thank you dear one! Now get busy and make some money! :)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Paula, nothing has upset me as much as the first one of this series when I found out how many people want to know how to make chloroform. After that, nothing surprised me! You should be frightened and you should be a hermit....well, more so than you already are. :)

      Thank you my dear; I'm mentioning you in my hub tomorrow.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 4 years ago from Central Florida

      I'm between assignments, Bill. Have a couple coming my way later. For now, I'm having fun!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      "in your hub tomorrow??!!" Do I need to start packing and head for the border now...or will I have time later on? Oh pal oh buddy...PULLEASE be kind....Did I ever tell you what a delicate psyche I have? NOT.

      WAIT a sec!...How do you know I'm Hermit-like?? Have I mentioned this in hubs? Whoa....cyber space is dangerous.............

    • btrbell profile image

      Randi Benlulu 4 years ago from Mesa, AZ

      Good, good fun! Thank you for a refreshing start to my day! Have a great one!

    • profile image

      Valleypoet 4 years ago

      This is the first of the series I have read..I will have to have a look at the others; this was hilarious, you have a great wit my friend:-))

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Good for you, Sha! Enjoy it while you can, because when you become famous you will have no spare time at all. :)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Paula, yes, tomorrow, and it is a pleasurable experience I promise. :)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Btrbell, it is my pleasure. I love to make people laugh.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Valley, why thank you Sir! Gotta have fun every once in awhile. :)

    • profile image

      chrisinhawaii 4 years ago

      Well...okay then...looks like somebody found his mojo again! He drank OJ with Viagra...AND STILL HE WRITES! =)

      haha! I'm SO glad I decided to ditch my normal routine and check my email first thing in the morning instead of dragging myself into my word processor first. I've barely been up for 2 hours, and already it's an AWESOME day!

      Thanks Bill!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Chris, I'm glad you changed your routine too. So happy you enjoyed my Viagra reference. LOL Thank you Sir and Aloha!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Phew!!!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Paula, like I would ever say anything negative about you. :)

    • profile image

      chrisinhawaii 4 years ago

      hey bill, did you get my FB message? (I just realized I could've just added another comment here instead)

      Anyways...I hope you don't mind! =)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Shoot, Chris, did I get your Facebook message? What was it about? This was a wild weekend and I'm not sure if I got it or if I responded to it. What did you tell me?

    • profile image

      chrisinhawaii 4 years ago

      You, sir, have been awarded the coveted Lollipop Award! Take a lick and pass it around!

      http://chrisinhawaii.hubpages.com/hub/Billybuc-For...

    • lrc7815 profile image

      Linda Crist 4 years ago from Central Virginia

      Above and beyond....that's what you did today. I have laughed until I hurt. The divide by zero part did me in. So did the eating before surgery and the part about crater lake and, oh damn Bill, this one was riot. Your hubs on google searches are just like old age; they get better with time. Keep on keeping on because you're sitting on a gold mine or a land mine with this series. Either way, one of us is going to have a blast. Loved it!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I just saw it Chris.....you are too funny...I am honored of course....and I will pass it on by week's end. Thank you so much for this coveted award.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thanks Linda, so much! I always run these buy Bev before I post them; if she starts choking from laughter then I know I can post it. Believe me, there were a couple that had to be completely re-written because she just sat there listening and not laughing. LOL I'm glad you had fun with this one; I'll have another one for you next week.

    • lrc7815 profile image

      Linda Crist 4 years ago from Central Virginia

      Yeah!!!!!

    • cclitgirl profile image

      Cynthia Calhoun 4 years ago from Western NC

      Hehe. Orange juice with allegra? Dood. Just eat more honey. Wear white? Ew. White shows stains in the armpits. Haha. Fun hub. Refreshing. :)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Cyndi, I'll take refreshing any old day. Thanks lil' Sis!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Linda, you are a kick in the butt! :)

    • mpropp profile image

      Melissa Propp 4 years ago from Minnesota

      Very funny hub, as always! When I did a search "Why can't you..." the top search was "Why can't you get billybuc to write these hysterical google search hubs more often?" Strange, you didn't see that one at the top? Seriously, I count myself as a club member and I've gone back and read them all. Thanks for the laughs!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      mpropp, that was hilarious! I was laughing at your search result. Great fun and I'm really very appreciative that you took the time to read them all. Thank you!

    • shiningirisheyes profile image

      Shining Irish Eyes 4 years ago from Upstate, New York

      Just a few thoughts here as I sit down with a dry pair of pants and the pain in my stomach starts to subside from all the laughter. Excuse my typing accuracy as my vision is blurring and I am holding onto the desk with my chin. It may have been the Allegra, OJ and vodka elixir I just finished...or maybe it was the three previous... I can't seem to remove the tiny umbrella from my nasal passage but I'm experiencing no pain so I'll just leave it there...The doctor can remove it in the morning.. I'm also rambling and rather enjoying it...I wonder if this will effect the five course meal I consumed...Oh well, at least I won't be hungry when I wake up from anesthesia tomorrow.

      well.....I not feeling tu wel sooo i think i'm gonna cull it a dae...just thru up on mi wite pants.

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 4 years ago from sunny Florida

      O, my....still laughing. You are too funny. So I will get out my white pants to wear to-morro. Actually to tell the truth it never feels like after labor day time here in Florida till January so I guess I can wear mine with no guilt.

      Love your humor....have a lovely evening, my dear Friend. ps

    • crystaleyes profile image

      crystaleyes 4 years ago from Earth

      Loved the laugh Billy, I didn't know that you do not give honey to babies.. I have always given honey and basil juice to my baby whenever he had symptoms of a cold, in fact you also had so much honey when young, I loved the eating before surgery one.. In fact i asked my son, and he rolled with laughter at the answer.. Thanks..

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

      You crack me up with your wit. I can remember well that wearing white shoes after Labor was a no no..I also can remember wearing a hat and gloves to church on Easter Sunday, now jeans are just fine. We've come a long way baby, and that ' ain't bad..Enjoyed..Cheers.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Beckie, I'm laughing too hard to type. First I read your other message about me being 64, and now this one, and I fear it is time to change underwear. It is probably just as well that we live so far away from each other; if we got together we would die from laughing so hard.

      Thank you my dear; the flowers will be waiting for you in the ER when you wake up.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      PS, thank you as always! A little weird, that sense of humor I have, but as long as there are people like you around, I will keep writing this silliness. Florida? winter? Really? I just thought it was 75 all year round. Another myth shattered!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Crystal, evidently honey is a no-no; one of the other comments explained it, but I didn't pay much attention since I survived so many meals of honey when I was younger. Mom didn't believe in cooking too much. :) Thank you my friend; always a pleasure having you stop by.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Ruby, can you believe I got kicked out of class because of my wit? No justice in the world my dear friend....no justice at all. :)

      Nope, change ain't bad at all in this instance. Thank you!

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

      HAHAHAHA Oh, me, I needed a really good laugh tonight, and I thought, hey ,I need to go to Bill's hub! There you go. HAHAHAH

      Love it and the lollipop hub to. Congrats to you on that special award.

      Have a lovely night three hours ahead of me . . . well it is 8:42 p.m. here in southern USA.

      In His Love, Faith Reaper

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Faith, I'm smiling knowing that I had you laughing. As for the Lollipop Award....well, I can't tell you how proud I am of that. :) That was really nice of Chris to do!

      Thank you dear lady! 6:45 here in Olympia and the rain is coming down!

    • danielleantosz profile image

      danielleantosz 4 years ago from Florida

      Nice! :)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Danielle!

    • billd01603 profile image

      billd01603 4 years ago from Worcester

      Very funny billybuc. I can't wait to read the rest

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Billd, thank you very much! I really appreciate you taking the time to visit and leave a comment.

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      Thank you for the laughs. I just typed in"woman" in Google search. It recommended I go to "woman within". Is Google suggesting something? :))

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Martin, I'll have to give that some thought. :) Thank you Sir!

    • Dolores Monet profile image

      Dolores Monet 4 years ago from East Coast, United States

      What a great idea for a series! But it makes me remember what my father told me - years and years ago, if you wore a straw hat after Labor Day, another man would be well within his rights to take the hat and punch a hole in it!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Dolores.....LOL....that's great! I had never heard that before. Thank you and glad you enjoyed my silliness.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 4 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Delightful hub, dispelling old myths and wives’ tales…just right to bring a big smiles and laughter at the end of a tough day -- thank you, Billy! :-) (Jazz is such a cutey pie! :-) )

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Genna, thank you; if I brought a smile to your face then I'm successful. Jazz was a cutie pie until she pooped on the deck last night. Now, not so cute! :)

    • Julie DeNeen profile image

      Blurter of Indiscretions 4 years ago from Clinton CT

      OOhhhh my. :)

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Oh my indeed, Julie! :) Thanks for the drop by; you are always appreciated here at the billybuc site!

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 4 years ago

      What scares me is the question: why can't you refreeze meat! Caution: death may be a factor as a result! Funny and a good evening read.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Dianna, I pray that people really aren't as dumb as they appear from these searches. If they are, it might be time for me to head back into teaching. :) Thank you as always!

    • Jackie Lynnley profile image

      Jackie Lynnley 4 years ago from The Beautiful South

      This was all funny and I laughed all the way through it but for some reason it reminded me of when my young toddler daughter was around my dad he would give her spoons of peanut butter and it always scared me so and I would beg him not to with him laughing and defying me. Well one day she choked really bad and thank God I was not there to witness it (Mom told me) but I never had to be one of those who had to say why any more. lol So let's hope you never find out any of these whys! (J/K)

    • Glimmer Twin Fan profile image

      Glimmer Twin Fan 4 years ago

      Very funny! To this day I won't wear white after labor day except for my tennis shoes. Maybe because I grew up being told so. Come to think of it, maybe I'll go put on a white tshirt and break all the rules!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jackie, let's hope that for sure! It's funny what things our mind connects to, and what memories it calls up from the depths. So many things were done when we were young that would never be done now. I'm certainly glad your daughter survived that scary moment.

      Thank you Jackie!

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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Glimmer, I have caught myself following silly rules I learned as a child, for no other reason than I was taught them. We are, at time, victims of our past. LOL Thank you and if you don't have a white t shirt I'll loan you one of mine. :)

    • profile image

      Vishal 4 years ago

      well thanks alot this was actually i was searching for frm a lot of time...n ur posts really helps me ...

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Vishal....lol...glad I could be of some help.

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      Suzanne Ridgeway 4 years ago from Dublin, Ireland

      Hi buddy!

      Oh Bill what a great series this is to do and for us fellow Google searchers!

      Loved this instalment, visions of you with glasses at age 5 . . . Yes I laughed! Lol

      Re freezing meat, dividing by zero . . . and not wearing white after labour day is one I'm not familiar with not having labour day here!

      The mind boggles . . . Thanks Bill for more laughs billybuc style! :-)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Hey Irish,otherwise known as Suzie, otherwise known as Suzanne....I'm happy I made you laugh. I do have fun with this series....I have the next one ready.....Why do women.......? Stay tuned! LOL

    • Blond Logic profile image

      Mary Wickison 4 years ago from Brazil

      I think I must have been under a rock. This is the first in the series that I have read.

      I once Googled, "Why is Linda Ronstadt fat". Guess what, I wasn't the first one to ask it. Gosh, maybe I shouldn't have admitted to doing that. This obviously indicates that I have far too much time on my hands.

      Thanks for the giggle.

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Blond, you had me laughing on that one....I give up, why is Linda Ronstadt fat???? LOL

      Thanks for the drop by; yes, I've been doing these for probably six months now. I'm glad you finally found one of them. :)

    • tinamariemiller profile image

      tinamariemiller 4 years ago from Peoria, AZ

      Oh my gosh, I can't get up off the floor....

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 4 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      Funny and interesting as always, Bill. Thanks for giving me my dose of laughter for today.

      Up and sharing.

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      These are all valuable life lessons, Bill. Thank goodness for these hubs! I used to not pay attention to the "wearing white after Labor Day" rule until I saw the movie Serial Mom. Once you see that, you will follow the rule, damn it! Hehe. Awesome hub, as always!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      tina, I hope you are finally up off that nasty floor! :) Glad you enjoyed and have a great day!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Rajan, the pleasure is all mine! So glad you enjoyed it, and thank you Sir!

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jeannie, those little rules in life are so important....could be a matter of life and death! :) Thank you funny lady!

    • Rfordin profile image

      Rfordin 4 years ago from Florida

      I love this series, I love to see that I'm not the only "moron" out there searching for pointless, useless info (guilty of the why can't I eat before surgery)...btw you can call me Becky. :)

    • xstatic profile image

      Jim Higgins 4 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

      What a great idea for a series of funny Hubs! This is great, and I will be reading the ones I missed.

      Bill, that Hub I published yesterday appeared almost immediately, got several comments and now shows a 24 hour processing delay on stats.

      Strange, it is just a poem about Icy weather.

    • Shaddie profile image

      Shaddie 4 years ago from Washington state

      Haha... Jesus was a rebel all right. Also, bleeb is a funny word.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thank you Becky! I will from now on, provided I can remember. :) I love writing this series; gives me a chance to be silly for awhile. :)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Xstatic, thank you and I'm glad you enjoyed it. As for new hubs, that's been happening a lot lately with new hubs. Check your profile and make sure it didn't go to sleeper mode. That's what happened to one of mine. :)

    • billybuc profile image
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      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Shaddie, glad you found that line funny! I always hesitate to use religious humor; there are those who find nothing funny about religion. :) Thank you!

    • cheetah786 profile image

      cheetah786 4 years ago

      really funny... searches of refreeze meat and honey are funny, but not for people who are too much conscious..

      cool and funny hub..!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Cheetah, it's nice to see you again. There is a great article on cheetahs in the National Geographic this month....just thought I'd mention it. Thank you and I'm glad you found it amusing.

    • Paradise7 profile image

      Paradise7 4 years ago from Upstate New York

      Hillarious! LMAO!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Paradise, you are spoiling me! I'm glad you enjoy my warped sense of humor!

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      You are good at such humor and so true you got me laughing thanks for this hub voted up!!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      DDE, I grew up in a laughing home, so humor comes naturally to me. Thank you for the visit.

    • profile image

      AudraLeigh 4 years ago

      What a great and funny thing to read this morning! I learned another new word from you...bleeb...lol!

      This is a good series...keep writing them!

      ps...Meds do not work with citrus, especially grapefruit. It has to do with absorption.

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Good morning Audra and thank you! Now I learned something about citrus....thanks! :)

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 3 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      Bill, I've missed reading these hubs (hint, hint), so I google searched "billybuc google search" to find them again. (It felt strange to google search for google searches.) It is nice to revisit these fun hubs. :-)

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Jeannie, thank you! I had a blast writing these. I just headed off in another direction and never returned. I'll consider your hint and maybe surprise you in the near future.

    • Jeannieinabottle profile image

      Jeannie InABottle 3 years ago from Baltimore, MD

      :-) I would be very happy to see the series return!

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Thanks Jeannie!

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 3 years ago from sunny Florida

      I KNEW I had to read this...you are a mess...this is too funny...and it always amazes me that such questions come up???!!!! Duh!!!

      take care of you my friend

      I hope all is good with you and yours

      Many

      Angles are winging their way to you this evening ps

    • billybuc profile image
      Author

      Bill Holland 3 years ago from Olympia, WA

      PS, suddenly these are making a comeback. So much so that I'll have a new one next week due to popular demand.

      Thank you dear friend. Hugs, blessings and love heading your way.

      bill

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