It happened to me .
I was 13 Years old and my mum fought bravely against Cancer ,but lost the battle aged 44yrs old.
My world became a blur and meaningless....occassionally I thought I understood lifes little traumas but by the time I became a mother myself still uncertainty and low self esteem slipped in and out of my life ( more in than out)....
Love or my understanding of it seemed empty and my first serious relationship that failed further cemented that theory .
In the ok times I was grateful for my family brothers and sisters and later as I matured more I relised how courageous and brave my Dad had been to keep us together and never give up on us.....( in those days Welfare were on the doorstep to take us into care) , beleieving that "a man" could never successfully raise children ,let alone females........................oh how wrong ,so very wrong they were .
Im wondering why I felt moved to write this ......perhaps they have been on my mind today ,any way perhaps I will make a hub and go into depth more someday........( then I can say I have 3 hubs...)...lol.
..one last thing I will add ,if reader this has happened to you , be encouraged and take heart , the days get better and they change slowly so never stay discouraged , get up and live.....its truly worth it...
Although I have written about my dad , my natural father died when I was 7 years old and on Christmas Eve. For years it washard for me to enjoy Christmas as it had been etched in memory, but one holiday season when I was about 25 I realized that although he was taken from me, God placed his death on Christmas Eve to remind me how important he was , so instead of being unhappy during the holiday seasons, I now celebrate them more then ever. My Dad who was killed by a drunk driver was also my heart as he was my guide and mentor in life. He always told me to not forget my father as that is who had assisted with getting me here and he was sent to us to pick up where he left off as that was his job in life. Both were absolutely wonderful parents and I am certain now they are playing cards somewhere and my natural dad is telling him job well done!!
This time of the year is really hard for me. On Thanksgiving Day 2001 I lost my father. The hardest part for me was that I worked about 10 minutes from his house and the day before Thanksgiving, I told myself I would see him tomorrow. I wasn't there when he passed for my family didn't want to ruin my Thanksgiving by telling me before we ate.
My in-laws died within a few weeks of each other when my other half was 26, and his brother about to turn 19. It was horrible. My family's sort of adopted my brother-in-law, and he spends holiday periods with my family.
I believe no matter how old you are when it happens, or what the circumstances are, losing one's parents to death is always a huge shock and adjustment.I know several friends whose parents died when they were quite young it it leaves an emotional scar that never completely heals. I feel fortunate in that both my parents lived to a ripe age (Mom = 80 and Dad = 85). It's really interesting to read of deaths occurring on or around holidays so that that holiday is forever tied in memory to the deceased. My mother died on my 1 year wedding anniversary. My father died this past year a few days before Thanksgiving. The whole Thanksgiving/Christmas was a blur. My heart goes out to everyone who has lost their parent(s) or faces their death in the near future. Peace. MM
My mother passed 2 days before Christmas, 23 years ago. I have been unable to celebrate Christmas properly, so many friends and family have carried me through the season each year. I have gained sensitivity to life from experiencing her death. Never want someone to go through this; however, the only thing guaranteed in life is our passing. So live on, we do so, in honor of them.
Five days before the birth of my daughter in May 2008 I found my mother dead from a heart attack. I had no idea at the time, but I actually went into labor during my mother's funeral. My mother's death inspired me to create a book project called "I Never Got to Say..." where people can submit anonymous messages containing things that they never had the chance to say to someone who died. I hope that my book project can be a source of support and inspiration for others.
My father was a ram-rod no nonsense army oficer and discipline was the key word to the way our lives would shape.Being the youngest I was the most pampered but even then there was a lingering silent fear. In fact there was a very thin line between respect and fear. For almost till I was a teenager I could not gauge if I actually respected him or feared him. Just a look or a raised eye-brow could send a chill down the spine yet when his defences came down and the mask slipped he appeared so absolutely vulnerable and soft. Almost like a lion with the heart of a lamb .Infact when he would sit us down and try to be affectionate we always tried to read between the lines or grasp the writing on the wall.
Yet he was the same person who could sit by the bedside of his children right through the night-several nights in a row not saying a word except smiling fondly when we caught his eye as he checked the forehead or cheek to see if all was well.
Right from my teenage days our bonding got stronger as my elder brothers had settled into jobs and he had now retired while I was finishing school.The last two years of his life as I was on the thresh hold of 17 we came very close yet the imaginary wall failed to crumble from my end.Around that time I needed my dad the most as I was just into college and there was so much I wanted to share with him and seek his advice on. I had silently promised myself that very soon we would have a frank and honest talk but that was not to be.I was passing out of my teens when he passed away.
From 19 plus to this date I feel a gut wrenching pain as I think there was so much I wanted to hear from him and tell him about myself but it went unsaid.Now whenever I'm in good times or bad times I can feel his presence envelop me and raise me away from the problem or hug me to share my joy....All I can say is I lost my Dad when I needed him the most and there was little I could do. So if you are lucky to have your parents alive then don't take them for granted.More important tell them how you feel about them and ask them what they went through in life to make you what you are coz tommorow may just be too late and like they say" You only know the worth of the well when it runs dry...So wake up every moment matters, else life will tender you a cruel blow that will leave you in a daze!!!
The Lip Shandil
My mother (adoptive mother), was shot and killed only 5 days before I turned 6. She and my parents seperated and she was seeing someone else, but now we realize he was the wrong someone! It was extremely tough, our father wanted to give use away. his mom ended up keeping us while he ran the women so to speak. I have started writing hub, but it needs to be updated.
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