Signs of jealousy in a friend?

1. 0

   Emily Sparksposted 12 years ago

   I started dating  a guy about 8 months ago, and it seems that ever since then my one friend has been acting acting different towards me.  She doesn't hand around me hardly ever, I always have to go to her.  When I try to talk to her she hardly answers me and sometimes even ignores me.  She is quick to be sarcastic at me.  Now, I have made sure that I have not neglected her just because I was in a relationship.  I have made sure that I spend time with her.  I very nicely approached her on this to see if she was upset with me for something, but she said everything was fine.  She did make a comment that she "doesn't know when to talk to me because I am always with so and so".  This, however is not true.  I balance my time between him and my friends.  What do you think, is she jealous or what?

   replyreport
   1. 79

      Inspired to writeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Hello Emily Sparks
      
      It is difficult this situation personally I know, in the eyes of your friend she probably feels she has lost you because right now, another has come along & taken away her best friend & when you do get time to spend together, you have now become 'limited' within what you can do because you are romantically involved with someone, but sometimes, she probably feels that she is imposing on your relationship & being like the way you describe is her way to let you know she don't want to spoil your fun with your new fella as she feels you don't need to be around her as your circumstances has now changed.
      
      Don't jump the gun right now just play it by ear, do what you got to do & just be yourself around your friend without fear of 'upsetting' her.
      
      All in all, it is quite normal for a man & a woman to meet, create a connection, hook up, & become one (in a sense) & the best friend, will always have to take a back seat for this romantic relationship to flourish the best it can.
      
      I know it sounds like a bit of a choice (aw ya choosing me over him) but just remember lady, it is your life & you must live it with WHAT YOU FEEL IS THE BEST FOR YOU!
      
      Do not be frightened that you may be losing a friend, & do not under any circumstances be sarcastic to her either, just be understanding of her point of view, become mature by stepping outside yourself & seeing the position from her point of view.
      
      Sounds like you are doing your best here, & over time, you will see who your REAL friends are.
      
      Good luck with your relationship. You may have found a new friend.
      
      Hope this helps, please let me know
      
      Regards Dale

      replyreport
      1. 0

         Emily Sparksposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks for the advice...I will do my best to be a true friend and to see things from her view.  I will see how it goes and hopefully let you know what happens

         replyreport
2. 61

   drn22posted 12 years ago

   May be she is feeling jealousy...Or may be, she called you sometimes and she got that your phone is in engage at max time..its not stay free like before..so she think that you are now stay so busy with your new relation. As well as she think that the new relation can make a barrier the friendship between you and her. My advice is you just share about your relationship and others with your friend..just tell her..some thing that your boy friend tell to you..and others what may share with her...then she will not think your new relation as barrier...she think that her best friend still share all things to her...what every best friend do..

   replyreport
   1. 0

      Emily Sparksposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      When I talked to her, I did tell her some things about our relationship.  I also told her that I had told him the importance of my other friendships and that I wanted to make sure I didn't neglect them, so she knows she still means alot to me.  He agreed and has never opposed when I make time for her, but rather he encourages it.

      replyreport
3. 70

   one2recognize2posted 12 years ago

   I have experienced the same thing with what I thought was a friend at the time and only realized she was happier when we were both single than when I finally met someone and started dating again.  It wasn't the first time she's reacted this way and once we stopped talking for three years because she assumed I was neglecting her which wasn't the case. I tried my best to keep in contact, make plans for lunch and even scheduled weekend getaways as my new boyfriend didn't mind, but she refused to return any of my calls.  Eventually I stopped trying and we made up a few years later when he and I broke up only to have the same thing happen again when I met someone else.  Hopefully your friend will be a lot different. This one just proved to me she couldn't stand my finding happiness.

   replyreport
   1. 0

      Emily Sparksposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thats how it seems with me.  I try to find things to do and say with her, but she usually ignores me.  I think she has the same attitude as your "friend".  I'm not sure if I should keep trying with her, or to just slowly "let things go."

      replyreport
      1. 70

         one2recognize2posted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I have tried to talk, call and even reason with her to only continue to get the same treatment.  It is hard when only one of you is trying to salvage the relationship and the other just selfishly thinks of herself.  It may be hard to let go based on the fact you still care about this person, but it certainly isn't fair to be alienated and treated badly because one of you found romance and the other hasn't. A true friend will be happy for you not resentful or jealous.

         replyreport
4. 60

   Sabrina Tells Allposted 12 years ago

   Often times jealousy can be mistaken for suffering a loss.  Your friend may not fully understand why she feels the way that she does.  You feel that you are spending equal time, but when she is reminded that you are not available it brings back the feeling of there being a loss.  Remember that things have changed for you and they must have changed for her.  Have a talk with her to discuss how much you miss the way things were prior to dating, with regard to your relationship with her.  Open a dialogue so that she feels the comfort and support as you enlist her help in making things better for you.  She may never fully understand what has transpired as she misses you and that is alright.  In the bigger picture let her know what you need, what you miss, what you have enjoyed with her and how valuable she is to you.  If she comes around congratulatons on being a great friend.  If not there is nothing that you can do, because you are responsible for how you handle situations and she is responsible for how she responds to situations.  - Sabrina Tells All -

   replyreport
   1. 0

      Emily Sparksposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Thankyou for your reply!  I will do my best

      replyreport
5. 0

   Emily Sparksposted 12 years ago

   Now I a sure something is still wrong even though she told me everything was ok.  Last week was both our birthdays (2 days apart), and we always give cards and usually a little gift.  I gave her a nice card and a little gift and she didn't even give me a card.  This is unusual.  I know somethings wrong.  The thing is, she will not admit it.  She also showed in some other ways that I am obviously not to important anymore.  What am I suppose to do now?  I have already tried talking to her and tried showing her that I care.  Should I just back off?  I don't want her to mistake that as not caring.  I always want to be there for her and treat her right no matter how she treats me.  When is enough enough?  Do I continue to put myself out there to get stomped on by her actions?  Please help!

   replyreport
6. 61

   Ruzaposted 12 years ago

   When you are with her, do you feel energized or drained? 
   
   People can give life to each other, and they can take it away.  If she is taking your energy and not giving anything in return, distance yourself.  You don't have to say that you aren't friends anymore, but it might be best to gradually decrease your contact with her.  The best case scenario is talking it out and fixing things, obviously, but if she won't talk, that can't happen.
   
   I know this is hard.  I've had a similar circumstance, recently.

   replyreport
   1. 0

      Emily Sparksposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I definetly do not feel energized.  I always feel sad, and well, drained, like something is wrong.
        You are right, it is hard!

      replyreport
7. 42

   alisha4uposted 12 years ago

   She doesn't appreciate you being with "the guy" at all...  Just try talking to her once seriously,. Be nice in sorting out things... If she is still sarcastic...LET HER BE !!
   
   Give her some space...let her realize her mistake...Start avoiding..She will deifinitely come back...
   Just keep your cool.....

   replyreport
8. 64

   Rastamermaidposted 12 years ago

   Friends are happy when you are happy. If they're not,their not your friend.
   
   Sometimes we hold on to what God's trying to remove, making room for what you need. If she doesn't see the value in you,she's not for you.
   
   I wish the best for you,enjoy your life,your love and be happy.
   
   Respect!

   replyreport
9. 40

   pharuk temmy tposted 12 years ago

   Well emily, I will like to let you know that you are one true person with a sincere and good heart...but one thing about people like you is that you are always faced by a bad friend...well that's is not jealousy its ENVY and envy has seperate ways how it exists in people,she is just doing things out of envy simply because she could be thinking why you and why not her...she might be think the guy should have been hers and not yours,so I advice you to be careful with her and I will like to correct you on something, if you want your relationship to take you where you aim, always keep the good and bad of it within yourself.some friends keep blood inside and spit out white!be careful

   replyreport
   1. 61

      Eunice Stuhlhoferposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Like Pharuk just said, it could be envy which is even worse. Envy says, "I want what you have and I hate you for having it."  You have done your very best to this friend. In life, some friendships have to die when they have outlived their time or season.  If  you hold on to them, you may never reach your full potential. Though it may be hard, at times we  have to give some friends the gift of goodbye. Best wishes.

      replyreport
      1. 0

         Emily Sparksposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Well, she decided to be the first to say "goodbye".  She wont even give me the time of day anymore.  I am lucky if she acknowledges my presence.  So, I am not rude or mean to her, but I stopped trying to be friends.  I guess you cannot force friendship, so I just let it go.  Again, I am not mean to her or anything, I just do not try to make her my friend anymore.  She seems happy with that, and I am mostly over it.........mostly:)

         replyreport
         1. 0

            Emily Sparksposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            And, I am no longer seeing that guy anymore (all ended on a good note:), so we will see if she "comes back" and wants to be friends again now that he is not in the picture.  We will see!!  I am not for this though, if she cannot be happy for me when I am happy with my boyfriend, then I do not need her friendship just because he isn't with me anymore and she doesn't feel jealousy.  Does this sound mean?  Or would you feel the same?

            replyreport
            1. 60

               Jonathan Jancoposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               Interesting. Yes I would feel a bit snubbed and then maybe a bit like a sucker when the situation changed and the friend's disposition toward me changed with it. I dont think this is mean. I think it would be a very productive move for you to express how you have perceived her behavior during this period and then further express your discomfort about it. There is no need to be mean in this situation at all, in fact there's every reason to be sensitive to the idea that her perception is much different than yours. Her reaction to you calmly spelling out your feelings in this situation should give you a clear idea as to what motive she has in regard to your friendship.

               replyreport
10. 60

    amithak50posted 12 years ago

    May be she is jealous of him

    replyreport
11. 95

    viryaboposted 12 years ago

    She is envious. Give her a wide berth or she will always leave you depressed. And she probably enjoys your distress anyway and likes seeing you troubled over her.
    She is NOT a good friend.

    replyreport
12. 76

    realtalk247posted 12 years ago

    Sounds like she was happy as long as neither one of you had a love interest.  Sounds like jealousy to me. There is nothing you can do but offer to be the same person you are now. You can not be responsible for her issues so stop looking to further improve your relationship at this point.  Also....never take advice about any relationship issues you might have in your current relationship because you don't want someone giving you advice to ruin or cause further problems in your relationship until you eventually become single like your friend.

    replyreport