I'd like feedback on my Hub: How To Create an Online Kids Toys Store?

1. 61

   EnvisionEcommerceposted 8 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my Hub How To Create an Online Kids Toys Store? (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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   1. 97

      theraggededgeposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Your English needs some improvement as the writing reads like it was put through a translation tool. For example, the article opens with the sentences, "Toy is the biggest magnet for kids. It is very difficult for parents to abate the demand of their kids for a toy at a toy store."
      
      It would read better as simply, "It is very difficult for parents to refuse their kid's (child's) demands in a toy store."
      
      The title should be "How to Create an Online Kids' Toy Store". I don't like the word 'kids' either; it should be 'Children's'.
      
      The title is slightly misleading as you don't actually explain how to create an online store, instead you tell people to go look for pre-made templates. The information is a bit shallow and mostly consists of things a new webmaster could work out for themselves.
      
      This is going to take a lot of work to get it through QAP. Good luck!

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   2. 75

      MarieLBposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Hi EnvisionEcommerce,  It is really good to see someone starting from scratch here on HubPages.  It can be difficult to adopt the style of the successful authors, but hey!  when you are 'new' you can only improve and go UP.
      
      I was like that a year ago, so I do not speak as an expert, but as a fellow trainee author.
      
      I cannot but agree with 'raggededge' that the translation - whether done by man or machine- is making it difficult to read the article.  I DO know what you are telling us, but I had to re-read some sections.  The words may be right, but the idiom. . .well, that is not how most people speak. 
      
      It is possible that you have not been speaking English long enough to adopt the current way of expressing ourselves in English, and that is a big leap.
      
      I think the best way to learn that is to read, read and read, work by good authors [many in HP].  For me English is also a second language, but I have been an avid reader since childhood. 
      
      Two other points I will mention.  Sometimes, the paragraph does not seem to make good sense, like eg:  In "What Exactly Do You Need To Get Started?"  First you tell us that you need a lot of hard work, and immediately after that you state that "It only requires bringing out that inner child in you – factually.". 
      
      I repeat - I do understand what you want to say, but I had to read it several times to get to that point.
      
      The other point is -  WHY do you have a question at the end of the title.  If you are going to tell us how to do it, then it is a statement not a question.
      
      I would have written the first paragraph this way -
      
      Toys are to a child what a good book is to an avid reader.  All children like toys, and no matter how many they have, there is always just one more toy that they 'must' have.  It is not easy for a parent to fulfill their child's yearning for toys. Some parents keep their children away from big toy-stores to avoid the temptation, and with online stores, parents feel more in control.
      
      This may not mirror your exact thoughts but it is to give you an idea, of reading that flows easily.
      
      Can I finalise by saying that I really like the pictures that you chose.  They are typical of what a child or a child's parent would be attracted to.  Great choices.

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2. 84

   Marisa Wrightposted 8 years ago

   The English is not good enough.  HubPages is an English language site aimed mainly at American readers, so you must have a high standard of fluent English.
   
   Also, your user name gives a strong indication you are writing this Hub to promote your business.  That is not allowed.

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