I'm ticked off. What would you do?
That's where I'd have been worried Irohner. He couldn't handle it huh? Well tough shit. He's a father, end of. The fact is - he didn't want to.
He didn't give a thought to his wife and children. He was always going to give less to your dogs.
Honestly? I'd knock the living daylights out of him. Man or not. Take a break from your daughter. Take that drive and leather that waste of skin from here to whenever you feel better
But ... seriously, be careful about what you do. I'm with Darkside and Misha. You need to think about what you do from here on in. If you're not careful you could end up shoring up what your grandchildren and daughter lack for ever more.
A very tricky situation.
However- you really do need to factor in your daughters' responsibility too. I know about pp blues, how she must feel, physically, emotionally and mentally so you'll have to walk a careful line.
But she is a mother now, and as much as it's difficult (for all of us) our children depend on us to do the right thing. And as you're adding more background history to the guy and his character - it's even more apparent that she needs some kind of awakening. And pretty damn quick.
If he could do that to her (the injuries he inflicted on her), and all hiding under the alcohol umberelaa, what else is he capable of.
Alcohol is no excuse. Some just like to pretend it is. Their behaviour is already baseline. They just wait until alcohol is in the mix. Your daughter needs some serious empowerment, before this gets any worse.
Gods Irohner, I really do feel for you.
What an awful bloody mess.Well, geez Frog, where the hellya been? Sitting here all night waiting for the great green wisdom!
Okay, we all agree the guy is an a**hole, self-centered and immature. And we all agree that this could get ugly at some point. I agree that my daughter needs some empowerment (eerie in and of itself, because before she met him, she was SOOO type A like me, she stood up for herself and nobody pushed her around -- and she is extremely intelligent). So how does she get it without waiting around for 15 years and having a few more kids before she figures it out? Or is that just the way it works?
- sandra rinckposted 14 years ago
0 Sending Kiwi Warrior Zena over my friend!!a little discipline is in order!!
You stay calm and relax for those babies and for your own well-being, that being said ...what an total assshole
- Aquaposted 14 years ago0
If his union buddies took up a collection, your daughter should have it to help out in Philly.
I'd gather all the men-folk in the family & have them pay your dear son-in-law a visit.
Off topic: warrior man very hotAs usual, Darkside, very good assessment. But she's young, in love and still struggling with what's going on with one of her babies, plus caring for a healthy newborn plus recuperating from giving birth. But I get what you mean. I actually considered just getting up tomorrow, packing and going home and letting the two of them find maturity on their own. But the risk is that they DON'T find maturity and my grandbabies don't get good care. I still vote for punching the a**hole dead smack in the face.
Right Asher. My hubby can be a jerk but he would NEVER do that if something was wrong with me or my kids. Theres no way he wouldnt be there even if I beat him up and called him every name in the book just before.
- wordscribe41posted 14 years ago0
gosh I am so lucky to have the angel mom in law I have. She has truly bent over backwards for my spouse, kids, and me. Having an autistic son didn't help matters any. She takes him every other weekend so we don't kill him
lol
anyway, he obviously doesn't know a good mom-in-law or a good thing when he sees it and will miss it when he loses it...if ever...
So, it seems that everyone is in agreement that:
1) He's a jerk
2) Kick or punch him somewhere...and several times....and hard.
3) Don't keep any high hopes that he'll straighten up, but be thankful if he does.
4) Other than that, just wait for my daughter to wise up.
I will definitely respect your collective wisdom and will follow your advice. Thanks all SO much for talking me off the ledge!- wordscribe41posted 14 years ago0
i thought of you irohner when I saw this...Lisa I feel for you. Unfortunately I don't really see what you can realistically do without worsening the overall situation. Whatever you do, don't try to part your daughter with him, it won't work and will backfire. This is her lesson, she has to learn it.
Just never trust him again.For one, your daughter needs to learn these facts. Probably not right now, but not a year later either. Or may be even right now, this will be easier to tell. Without requests to dump him or change him or punish him in any other way, just pure facts.
Then, to ensure he does not take advantage of you later, someone (not you, you obviously is not the right person for the job, sorry) needs to scare him. Ideally your husband and several male family members. Like you can see in mafia movies, you know. Ideally inflicting some serious pain without bodily damage, and promising more of it if he ever allows himself to break any agreement with you.
All this is built on a number of assumptions about his personality, that are based only on what I heard from you. Means I may be way off. Use your discretion, you know him way better then me.LOL No doubt he is a jerk, but this is not exactly the info i was looking for.
The thing to ask yourself if you would like to use the method I outlined is: will he shut up and obey, or will he try to report this to authorities and make you and your helpers guilty in a serious crime? Your nanny state will gladly prosecute you if he does, and this is not exactly the outcome we are looking for here...
On a side note, I am really surprised she is tolerating him after that case you mentioned. Was her father abusive by chance?
I agree she should know the facts. I think you should calmly mention (at some time that seems right) something like, "Oh, it turned out he wasn't able to get to my house to take care of the dogs over the weekend." If she asks what happened, you could tell her about the hungry dogs and the muck in the house, and calmly say something like, "Well, I was kind of shocked that he didn't let me know he couldn't get there." (Let her ask him why he "couldn't get there". It doesn't matter what answer he gives. She'll figure it out.)
I think what I'd do, though, (rather than using the hurting-him thing) would be to tell him (when he's alone), "I want to make it clear to you that I'm not too thrilled with the way you've handled this whole thing; and anything I do for my daughter or the babies I'm doing for them - not you." If he tells your daughter what you said, let him. She needs to know (and probably already does anyway) that his behavior is an issue for you, her mother. You can agree to be civil on holidays and birthdays, and other than that don't bother with him at all. At some point, I think I'd tell my daughter, "He's your husband, and that's your business. You're my daughter, though, and you are my business and concern. I'll be polite to him because you're married to him, but that's it." I could be wrong, but I think if someone is being mistreated by a spouse it's important to have someone who loves them make it clear they don't deserve that treatment. I could be wrong, but I don't think she'll get angry with you if you respect that it's her choice to stay married to him, don't try to undo what she wants for herself, but don't pretend you're all fine with his treatment of her either. (Just yet some more thoughts on the issue. ) (Of course, timing whatever you do say matters with what's going on with the baby.)- \Brenda Scullyposted 14 years ago0
Ah, Brenda. Happy you are back! Four weeks from now, hopefully I'll be celebrating a successful surgery on my grandbaby. Six weeks from now, hopefully I'll be celebrating a successful punch right between the eyes for my son-in-law. But I do appreciate the thought and your upbeat attitude. Can you can it and sell it on eBay? I'll buy some, for sure!
- \Brenda Scullyposted 14 years ago0
Irohner - first time zones lol ... its just nicely morning here, that's why you've waited, even frogs need sleep
And second, I emailed you. We all have crap in our closet and I'm no different. My crap is quite relelvant to your daughters'.
And I could answer your question very nicely. Let me know if you want oneNo Irohner nooooo lol! Not in the least! I'm as tough as granite and not even slightly offended, I was merely explaining my abscence!
No apologies required, at all!
- sandra rinckposted 14 years ago0
Just pretend the guy does not exist. Take care of your daughter and grand babies first and don't waist anymore of our precious time or energy on the booger.
You'll have to take on more responsibility, call other people in to check up on your dogs and such, a neighbor possibly.
Does your daughter and jerk off live together? Change the lock! hahahhahahaha... leave that ahole out on the streets. I am sure he has a couple of scumbags friends he can shack up with until they get sick of him.
Play hard knox with him. I think it is so good you could write about all this in the forums and get it out...its good to do that
You have good friends here that are so supportive of you!
I can understand why you wouldn't tell your daughter anything at this time, could make her PPD worse & she has enough to deal with right now. There will be a time and place though to tell her.
I hope you have someone to take care of the doggies now.
As Sandra stated, the time now is to do what you set out to do, take care of your daughter and the babies. Let the jerk-face go for now.
Breath- Crazdwriterposted 14 years ago0
Related Discussions
- 17
My son misses me in school, what should I do?
My son misses me in school, what should I do?My son is 8 years old, in primary 2 this year. School had just started and he misses me in school that he sobbed. I told him that he is a grown boy, mom missed him too, shouldn't sob. What else can I do?
- 3
Letting the 'tail wag the dog' ...WARNING - KINDA LONG
Hi, I don't know if this is the right forum but I have a question and would like some advice. I'm trying very hard to be understanding and patient, but it's bothering me.My Ex used to say, when I was pregnant with our daughter and he saw the way other parents raised their child, that there...
- 48
Which is your favourite day of the week, and why?
Which is your favourite day of the week, and why?
- 6
What will make your saturday/sunday morning perfect?
What will make your saturday/sunday morning perfect?The weekend is a lovely time for those who work every other day of the week. So share your tips to make it as perfect as possible.
- 54
The Saturday Thread
The wandering conversation thread. A place for forum nonsense, neverending nonsense, and other vacuous nonsense. Proud of something you did? Say it here. An observation about life? Say it here. A lament? Say it here. Fond of HubPages? Say it here. Looking forward to something? Say it here. Happy...