I noticed there were 4 other threads about bipolar and one at least was too old to post. I'm lucky I don't have extreme highs and lows but I'm on meds and of course they cause things , well many many side effects. Now I'm on something new. I do get alot of writing done and have lots of creativity and can write a hub in 30 mins.
But one thing I sometimes wonder about, if you talk about dating in the world and not the depressed/ill community, how can you date or marry well when the manic part makes you wild and then you're conservative the next day?
Anyways those are my thoughts.
Oh and P.S. to those "thinkers" or professional helpers to thinking, sometimes people who have sickness like this are just not capable of taking care of themselves because of thier mania or because of the numbness from meds that makes them not as alert.
Don't even try to ...You have to be there and for those who have, we know.
As for dating in general terms and having "baggage" well I guess you have to find someone else with baggage, I don't know, I don't have all the answers, or I guess you can go to bars and sleep w/ 1,000 men but for me, that's not gonna work!
You know, this is where I often find Christians really fight for balance. Your faith has taught you that there are so many conditions on what being a good person means that, even though you have a Savior that forgives you for everything, you still have in the back of your mind a "judgement" mentality that, while annoying to others, is most damaging to yourself.
You have to forgive yourself for being flawed. I know Jesus has forgiven you, but YOU have to forgive you. You are who you are. I don't believe in an afterlife. You believe I am wrong in this. And that's cool. But let me tell you why my belief gives me strength: I don't get another ride later.
This is my time.
I'm not perfect. Frankly, I suck in many, many ways. But this is my ride on spinning earth. I can either like me and enjoy it, or I can focus on my flaws, on the things I should do if I were more Christ-like, etc. and be constantly aware of how short I continually come. Keep working on it, and, while I will always be a sinner, if I try hard enough, I get salvation later.
That's fine. But you asked how to find someone in the REAL world, which happens to include you being bi-polar and on meds which makes you less than ideal.
That's REALITY. Like yourself anyway. Don't say you like yourself. Actually do it. Reckon your mood swings as part of the adventure of yourself. Think of characters like Oscar Wilde (yes, I'm sure you don't approve of him... but look at him and see what real strength is) and see what liking yourself despite the disapproval of society can be. I hope you can see it, I hope you can see the irony of how you have been taught to disapprove of a guy like that while in reality, he suffered exactly what you appear to (people couldn't deal with him because he was different) and yet he triumphed even in defeat. I bet you can think of another story like that and recognize the pattern.
Maybe I'm all wet. Probably am. But you seem to be hurting, so, this is me trying to help in my way. You often irritate the crap out of me in forums, but you are obviously a well-meaning person and I hope you can find inner balance some day. You deserve happiness now, not just after you grow old and die.
I listened to what you said with an open mind.
Oscar Wilde? not sure of him, haven't heard of him, have to look him up.
You're right about preconceived notions w/ religion and the world. I am who I am. I write on this site. And I'm a damn good writer!j
I like to help people, in a way I find myself alot like Cagsil in that way, except we differ on God/not God (I hope that's an ok comparison)
As for me finding a man, I have a good one, my main issue is I want to marry or at least live together but it's either
1) I'm too angry/controlling/irritable/moody
2) he's the same and I need someone easy going to help ME relax.
I haven't figured it out yet and I am not quite happy enough w/ the man I have though he has many good qualities.
I do appreciate your thoughts and answer, I'm not even sure if you're m/f,
but anyways, I would even understand why I piss you off! not meaning to course.
I'm just starting actually to feel better after 18 yrs of hell. So I'm grateful.
Oscar Wilde was persecuted and killed for being gay. He is also one of the five funniest writers of all time. His class and dignity are world famous. The transcripts of his trial (that ultimately lead to his imprisonment and death) is an illustration of what strength is. I know your natural inclination in this would be to write this off right now, but I assure you, there is a quality to how he dealt with those who hated him for who he could not help being that will strike you as remarkably similar to a story you know very well. Should you decide to see. The world will become much rounder and less hostile if you can manage it.
btw, that's the most awesome advice I've ever been given. I still haven't looked up Oscar Wilde. Gosh, I'll have to make a poster......of these positive thoughts......and buy a book on Oscar....(mental notes.)
Most of my romantic relationships have been a train wreck...so...I can't really offer any advice lol.
The downside of dating somebody who isn't Bipolar (or coping with another mental illness) is that the just don't get it. They don't understand that you can't always control how you think, act, and feel.
I am 56 Bi-Polar and married to a man that is not He is gentl kinkd and understaneding to a point. He dosen't totallly understand my problem but he tries. He Thinks that i hcan handle it my self that my mind can control it . He dosent understand there i a disconnect in my mind that causes it. But I don't know what I would do without him. He is suportative and always there for me.
You will find someone that will be just right for you and he dosen't have to have baggage. Good Luck
This saying popped into my head: To thine own self be true.
You are who you are. You have wonderful gifts and qualities to share with someone. You are doing your best to medically manage your highs and lows.
Sounds to me like you could use a better cocktail if you're still shooting that high up into mania. But who am I to judge?
It's how YOU feel that counts!!
And look on the bright side. It could be worse.
You could be paranoid schizophrenic!
(I can say that cuz I'm bp also -- a little mental illness humor among friends)
Well, you are right there! Always look on the bright side of life. I haven't met my match yet I'm sure. I don't think I'm -that- difficult but being bipolar is sort of like a rollercoaster ride I guess so the other person has to be "in" for the ride.
Putting that aside, I'm doing ok. As for really high highs....not sure if I have that or not, did I say I did?
Anyways, My new medicine helps alot, but I've always had a crazy family which over and over dramatizes and upsets me, so
'Beliefs' are just that. 'Beliefs'...Unfortunately, it seems many people let their 'beliefs' mold their reality instead of accurate discernment determining their 'beliefs'.
You are a clean slate. Thoughts enter your awareness. You label certain thoughts 'true'. Those thoughts become 'beliefs'. Those 'beliefs' generate emotions.
You have the power, without medication, to change your situation, but, if you do decide to get off the dope, wean yourself off slowly. I made the mistake of stopping cold turkey and attempted suicide shortly after which, from what I've heard, is fairly common. Nowadays, almost every time there is a homicide or suicide, it is usually the consequence of someone abruptly quitting their meds.
Replace medication with meditation and all will be well for you.
Wow..I really hate the term, "baggage." I hear that one quite often. Being bi-polar myself, I have been off my meds for over a year now. Its been a diffacult road but a better road. I think a lot of us have the strength in us to overcome a lot of the illness. My motto is always think about my actions before I speak. I think about how my behavior may affect others. That keeps me in line pretty well. When I know I am going to hit ground bottom..usually a good cry, fixing the soulution, or taking time to myself really helps. I agree with you that hubs are a way to get thru...a very good coping skill.
When it comes to relationships...I personally think I am a very good person to be with..I just push to much for commitment. Its a constant worry whether I will ever be good enough for my other half or if I will be too needy. I have ruined a couple good relationships due to this. I think the key is all about being calm, thinking about your decisions, and sometimes placing yourself in your other halfs shoes.
Between mania where I am everything, and the mundane where I am nothing. I am losing it in the everything and need to come down, and so I depress myself into the nothingness of the mundane. The pain of nothingness is so unbearable I need to climb out of it, back into the mania
of everything. Up and down, up and down like the music they call swing. Make any sense to anybody?
sounds like you understand yourself well , you know where your at , now ask yourself where do you want to go - dream about it for a minute and then ask your self , how am I gonna get there, make a list of goals, short and long term - and work on that list every day until you get there
I somehow doubt any of us can fully control our thoughts, feelings actions at all times. I advocate such, and am a huge fan of the power of self-determination, but none of us are perfect.
I also somehow doubt any marriages are really truly built on the idea of a complete mind-meld. There's alot of stuff about me that my husband will never 'get,' and vice versa.
Frankly, I consider it one of the strengths of our marriage. We each see things in different ways, and because of that our family benefits. If it was all on one or the other of us, or all resting on one viewpoint/perspective, our family would be lacking a great deal of depth.
This doesn't mean any two fools will do, lol. Both fools need be reasonable despite their personal foolishnesses, and what you say about needing a certain type of person may have validity.
Certainly you shouldn't commit your life to someone whose personality is going to be detrimental to your personal mental well-being. But I don't think it's necessary to find someone *just like you* either. I also don't think it'd be good for your offspring. Mental conditions can be at least somewhat hereditary, though I do believe that can be overcome for the most part via a proper upbringing that teaches the child how to effectively cope. (I believe most mental illnesses today are largely due to people simply not knowing how to really cope.) (This isn't a judgment, don't take it the wrong way.)
Still, it's a consideration. One might say you'd be better off looking for someone whose strengths and weaknesses offset your own. From an evolutionary viewpoint, that's a no-brainer.
I don't know. I understand that you would seek someone who could understand your situation, but I think it'd be a mistake to think only someone who has also been diagnosed could be right for you.
BTW - I like your new picture.
The worst thing anybody with lots of "baggage" can do is get involved with somebody else who has lots of "baggage" because the baggage always wins. It just plain gets in the way of everything and interfers with how you preceive and react to things to each other.
I'm not bi-polar, and from what I've read about it, I feel blessed that it's only ADHD that I've struggled with my whole life. I'm frequently preceived by friends and foes alike to be "flighty" or "ditzy" and far too impulsive. I fidgit, talk too much often saying the most inappropriate things, always appear distracted, forget appointments, am forever getting lost, and constantly lose things like my keys or my credit cards. My impulsivity makes me choose terrible partners and consequently, I've had four failed marriages because I don't take the time to find out if the guy is a loser before I get involved.
I guess what I'm really trying to say is I understand what you are saying and too many people who don't have these challenges just don't understand what it's like to live with them and they are often judgmental and think we behave the way we do because we feel sorry for ourselves, or we are just looking to get attention.
Mood swings happen- way too many are mis diagnosed as bi-polar I dunno - but I think bi-polar is highly over rated and mis diagnosed in order to make money on the pharmacutical side - I think alot of people think there is something wrong with them when really there isn't - then they get on all those pills and then... well...there is something wrong ... I'm not saying people don't have bi-polar - I'm simply saying not as many do as the world thinks - people like to think there is is magic pill for everything - need to lose weight? - take a pill - need to lose anxiety? - take a pill - need to lose that joint pain? - take a pill - need to get un depressed? take a pill and on and on and on in all reality there are no happy pills - no weight loss pills - feeling good and happiness comes from the inside - seriously .. ya gotta get up and make yerself happy - no one and no pill gonna do it for you.
Psychiatrists use the 'Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders' each of which is covered by insurance. Everything under the sun is a disorder.
"Other new "disorders" include hoarding, mixed anxiety-depression and binge eating. "Minor neurocognitive disorder" describes a reduction in cognitive function over time, such as that normally experienced by people over the age of 50, while "temper dysregulation disorder with dysphoria" refers to children who suffer from outbursts of temper." Course there drugs each and everyone of these disorderlys.
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