The Morning Conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama #14

A fictional account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Fourteenth in a series.

Enroute on Air Force One to Chicago

Michelle: I'm glad you released your birth certificate today. Now maybe Trump, with all his money, can focus on finding a suitable toupee for that big head of his.

Barack: Yes. We do not have time for this kind of silliness! We have real matters that need attention.

Michelle: Hopefully that nonsense will be put to rest.

Barack: It will be good to see Oprah today. After the taping we fly to New York for a few fundraisers.

Michelle: Yeah. Oprah has been a good friend to us. The show won't be on live today will it?

Barack: No. I think it airs on May 2nd.

Michelle: Well, at least Oprah invited us on her show.

Barack: What do you mean...you knew...are you talking about that wedding Friday?

Michelle: Yes, Barack. That crap about Prince William not being a head of state is BS. How do you not invite the president of the country which is your closest ally?

Barack: Well, my understanding is that some foreign royal crowned heads of state are invited. You know like Kings and Queens.

Michelle: Yeah, I heard that. Since the United States and Great Britain have been allies, whenever they are getting their asses kicked around the world, the first call they make is to the office of the U.S. President for help! This protocol crap is BS, Barack!

Barack: Now, Michelle. How about this...when our daughters get married we won't invite them! Ha ha ha!

Michelle: Not funny, Barack. I hear Guy Ritchie, Beyonce and Kanye West are going.

Barack: You know members of the royal family are wishy-washy anyway. It's their wedding. They can invite or not invite who they want. Just think, they didn't even invite the Duchess of York, former Prime Minister Tony Blair or former Prime Minister Gordon Brown. They also didn't invite the Bushes or the Clinton's. Forget it. Plus we are going there in May to visit. Don't buy into the media hype. I checked it out this morning. It was rare for any American president to attend a royal wedding in the past, even when they did get an invitation.

Michelle: OK, I will drop it Barack. But you need to know when you are being snubbed.

Barack: I do know. Like when I went to Las Vegas last year and Mayor Goodman refused to meet with me because I made a simple analogy.

Michelle: Yeah. Forget that clown.

Barack: Have you ever noticed how funny the British speak?

Michelle: Yeah, like they have a nasal problem! They say 'arse' instead of 'ass.' Can you imagine a kid on the south side of Chicago sayin', I'm going to kick your 'arse?' The Chicago Police would be pickin' his 'arse' out of Lake Michigan!

Barack: Ha ha ha!!! Yeah!!

Michelle: And they say 'bloody.' 'Cheerio mate! Bloody awful day!' (using British accent)

Barack: Yeah! They are worse than Leroy!

Michelle: Yeah! How about this: The teacher told Leroy to use DOMINEERING in a sentence. He said, "My girlfriend's birthday was yesterday, so I got her a DOMINEERING."

Barack: Ha ha ha ha!! (laughing hysterically)

Michelle: OK, then the teacher told Leroy to use DERANGE in a sentence. He said, "DERANGE is where da deer and Buffalo play."

Barack: Ha ha ha! 'Bloody' good jokes 'mate!' They sure are 'cracking!' (using British accent)

Michelle: I was 'narked' about not getting an invitation to the wedding, 'mate!' But I am feeling 'smashing' now! (using British accent)

Barack: 'Bloody' good!

Michelle: If it be 'Her Majesty's Pleasure', I'm going off to 'spend a penny!' (using British accent)

Barack: 'Cheerio!'

Michelle: But in all seriousness, Barack. I'm done with the royal stupidity. I am leaving it alone.

Barack: 'Bloody' good.

Michelle: But while we are taping 'Oprah' and when you go to those fundraisers in New York, please watch what you say. OK?

Barack: 'Blimey', Michelle! It will be a 'smashing' good day! I won't be 'snookered!' (using British accent)

Stay Tuned for More 'Morning Conversations...' with Barack & Michelle Obama, next time!

Copyright 2011 - Dexter Yarbrough