The Morning Conversations of Barack and Michelle Obama #28

A fictional (and satirical) account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Number 28 in the series.

(Michelle Obama enters the White House Kitchen...)

Michelle: Good Morning, Barack. No breakfast for me. That Thanksgiving dinner was enough to last three days.

Barack: Good morning! Yep, it was delicious. I think I will have some green tea.

Michelle: We should go to Best Buy and get in on some of those Black Friday specials! Ha ha ha!!

Barack: Yeah! We could take over the store and shop before everyone else does. The Secret Service agents would have heart attacks trying to get that together on short notice! Ha ha ha!!

Michelle: Have you ever wondered why the word "black" is often used in phrases or words? I mean why call the day after Thanksgiving "BLACK FRIDAY?" Why not "White Friday?" I mean, Black Friday sounds like a day that all the black folks in America are swarming the stores for chickens to fry!

Barack: (laughs hysterically) Yeah! I mean this week is a bad one for poultry. The white folks kill all the turkeys and the black folks kill all the chickens! Ha ha ha!!!

Michelle: Ha ha ha!!! But seriously, have you thought about it?

Barack: You mean like why do people say "the BLACK sheep of the family?"

Michelle: Yes! It has a negative connotation.

Barack: I see what you mean.

Michelle: Let's do this: I will say a word or phrase that has "BLACK" in it and you tell me what it means. We can discuss the negativity surrounding it. But it has to be the first thing that comes to your mind.

Barack: Alright. I'm game!

Michelle: OK. "BLACK PEPPER."

Barack: White pepper!

Michelle: C'mon Barack! Who has ever heard of "white pepper?"

Barack: For your information, the Europeans prefer white pepper over black pepper.

Michelle: Hmmm. Maybe that explains why slavery lasted longer here than it did over there.

Barack: Huh? In salt and pepper, I have always wondered why "salt" always goes first. The letter "P" comes before the letter "S."

Michelle: Great. You know your ABC's!

Barack: I think its a racist conspiracy.

Michelle: (using 19th Century American slave vernacular) Yessum! I bet ol' Massa jes 'bout had da hart 'tack when he done seen da sal n pepa on de table - togeta!

Barack: (roars with laughter) I'se gwine, Massa. I'se gwine. I sho do loves how you makes me wok from sun be up to da sun be down, Massa! I de clare you'se da bes Massa 'roun!

Michelle: Ha ha ha!! OK. Moving on - "BLACKBALLED."

Barack: Well, it's better than getting the "blue balls!" That reminds me of this Hawaiian girl I dated in high....

Michelle: Barack! I don't need to hear about your past sexual experiences - or lack thereof!

Barack: (clears throat) Sorry. Yeah, it's like when someone says "you are behind the eight ball." That white ball is always hitting the colored balls!

Michelle: Yeah! And the eight ball is always the last to get hit in the pocket!

Barack: What's next?

Michelle: OK. Have you noticed that "BLACK CAKE" is devil food cake and "white cake" is angel food cake?

Barack: What the hell is "black cake," Michelle?

Michelle: You know, chocolate cake!

Barack: Uhhh...next.

Michelle: "BLACKOUT."

Barack: What do you suggest, Michelle? A WHITEOUT?

Michelle: How would you like to earn a "Niggah, please?" It could simply be "the lights are out" or the person "passed out." Why does it have to be a blackout? Huh, Barack, huh? And you are not playing fair. Say the first thing that comes to mind!

Barack: Alright! Alright!

Michelle: How about...

(A White House Assistant enters the kitchen)

WH Assistant: Mrs. Obama? You have a guest. Mr. Leroy.

Leroy: Hey, Michelle! It's your boy, Leroy! Fresh from the southside of Chicago!

Michelle: Leroy!!!!! I am mad at you! We have a lot to talk about. (gives Leroy a hug)

Barack: Oh, Lord.

Leroy: Hello, Mista Prez!

Michelle: We were talking about the use of the word "black" and the negatives surrounding it.

Leroy: Can I get in on this?

Barack: Yeah! Michelle gets mad at me!

Michelle: You don't say the first thing that comes to mind, nut!

Leroy: I'se ready, y'all!

Michelle: Say the first thing that comes to mind when I use a word with "black" in it. "BLACKMAN."

Barack: Herman Cain!

Leroy: No. He's BLACKERMAN - the supernegro! "Faster than a speeding Cadillac! More powerful than crack cocaine! Able to leap tall white women in a single bound! Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird! No. It's a plane. No. It's BLACKERMAN - the SUPERNEGRO!"

Michelle: (laughs hysterically)

Barack: Ha ha ha!!! Supernegro!

Michelle: Leroy, you are too much!

Stay Tuned for More 'Morning Conversations...' with Barack & Michelle Obama, next time!

Copyright 2011 - Dexter Yarbrough