The Morning Conversations of Barack and Michelle Obama #29

January 10, 2012 - Swagger Like Us

A fictional (and satirical) account of the private morning conversations of Barack & Michelle Obama by Dexter Yarbrough. Number 29 in the series.

(In the White House Kitchen)

Michelle: I am still trying to get used to being back in Washington since leaving Hawaii. Can't we go back on Christmas vacation?

Barack: Well, we are back now. And back to the headaches that come with Washington. I'm still stunned by Bill Daley resigning.

Michelle: Well, I'm still pissed about that book Jodi Kantor put out. I mean everyone has disagreements.

Barack: Well, there were times you did get pretty upset with Rahm!

Michelle: Yeah, well there were times I got pretty upset with you, big ears!

(In walks Michelle's friend Leroy)

Leroy: Hello "big ears!"

Barack: Oh, no!

Michelle: Good morning, Leroy! What brings you to Washington?

Barack: More importantly, how did you get past security?

Michelle: Stop!

Leroy: And it's always a blast to see you, Mr. President!

Michelle: What's been happening with you?

Leroy: Not much! I read in the National Enquirer that you were having an affair with a Secret Service Agent! But I did make a top 100 list. So what's the possibility of having this nice lady over for a private breakfast and meeting with y'all?

Michelle: Let's see what we can arrange, huh Barack? And, no to the affair, Leroy!

Leroy: Just kidding!

Barack: Sure. No problem.

Rep. Sensenbrenner
Rep. Sensenbrenner

Leroy: So, Michelle, have you finally gotten over the "big butt" comment that Congressman made about you? You were mighty angry when you called me from Hawaii!

Barack: Congressman Sensenbrenner. He apologized.

Michelle: Leroy, I am over it, but Barack, I am tired of these people that think they can say what they want and then apologize for it later as if it wasn't a big deal.

Leroy: Hell yeah! I mean look at his lard ass! He has the nerve to talk about you. You are probably the most physically fit FLOTUS in 100 years. I bet Sensenburger, or whatever his name is, has never passed by a pulled pork sandwich or extra large pizza in his life without drooling!

Barack: SENSENBRENNER! Now, let's be nice.

Michelle: Nice?! C'mon Barack! You know what it is? It's that white male privilege. You know, the part where they get to say what they want about black women and we're supposed to shut up and take it. He would never fix his mouth to say anything like that about any of the prior first ladies. Well, mainly because he would have a biscuit with gravy in it!

Barack: (Erupts in laughter)

Leroy: No you didn't Michelle! Ha ha ha ha!!!

Barack: By the way, you do have a nice butt, babe!

Michelle: Thank you, honey! (kisses, Barack)

Leroy: Ole' Lardo Sendsomeburgers is just jealous. Probably wishing he could slink around in the slave quarters.

Barack: 'Swing low, sweet chariot!'

Michelle: 'I got-a-wings, you got-a-wings, all God's chillun' got-a-wings!'

Barack, Michelle, Leroy: (All burst into simultaneous laughter)

Leroy: So, Mr. President, how is your re-election looking?

Barack: Well, Leroy, with Herman Cain out of the race, no worries!

Leroy: That dude sure did fizzle fast! The ladies were coming out of the woodwork. They should have named him "Candy Cain!"

Michelle: He must have had some sweet stuff! 'Hey ladies, take a ride on the Cain Train!'

Barack: Choo choo!!

Leroy: All ladies aboard!!!

Barack: But seriously, my chances are looking better and better. Newt Gingrich? Mitt Romney? I don't think so!

Michelle: Don't get big-headed, big ears!

Barack: Michelle! As long as Newt keeps making those idiotic statements, he can forget it. There are more white people in this country on food stamps. Not hard to find out. He is trying to play to a certain segment of his Republican base. And his love life? The Republicans are full of it when it comes to "family values" and caring for people. When they blinked on extending payroll tax cuts, I knew I had them! And John Boehner - what a joke! I had him crying in the Oval Office!

Leroy: Romney?

Barack: The fact that he "likes to fire people" is not sitting well with the many unemployed people in this country and if he gets the GOP nod, I will not let America forget it. Bring it on! He's toast!

Michelle: Leroy, I generally don't like Barack to take things for granted but I have to agree with him.

Leroy: Romney reminds me of that hypothetical white guy that claims he has "black friends."

Michelle: Yeah, somebody he "met" 20 years ago and hasn't seen since!

Barack: Yeah! That same type that comes to a meeting comprised of mostly black people and he addresses them as "brothas and sistas!"

Leroy: And then starts talking about how he loves corn pone, turnip greens and chitlins'!

Michelle: Ha ha ha!!!! If you have never invited your "black friends" to your house, they aren't your "friends!"

Barack: Yep. No worries. The Republicans blew their chances! Ha ha ha! I'm just sitting back waiting!

Leroy: Mr. Prez, you got swagger!

Barack: "No one in the GOP has swagger like us!"

Stay Tuned for More 'Morning Conversations...' with Barack & Michelle Obama, next time!

Copyright 2012 - Dexter Yarbrough

More by this Author


Comments 58 comments

Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica

Was the part about the comment on her butt true, cause a black woman's butt is our pride. A black woman with a flat butt is kinda weird. Welcome back Dexter. I hope you had a wonderful holidays!


epigramman profile image

epigramman 4 years ago

...damn man I saw your legendary series here being promoted on Hub hoppers and I knee jerked so fast to get here to see your latest installment that I may have hurt my back - lol lol - but it's worth it buddy - you say I am the man - but your Sir Dexter are da man and this will be posted as it always is on my Facebook page with a direct link back here with honor and pride and joy of course at lake erie time 1:30pm and happy new year to you and your family

p.s.- I am making a standing offer to anyone on hubpages as a bet - lol - that Obama - love him or hate him - for better or for worse - that he will get back in for a 2nd term no problem if only because the Republicans have not come up - so far - with a dynamic viable candidate.

what do you think?


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

I just adore Leroy! He cracks me up!!! He is correct about Michelle being the best physically fit FLOTUS in 100 years! I truly feel like I'm in the room with BO, MO and Leroy when I read your conversations! Awesome and across the board! I like the picture you choice, BO having a hearty laugh! lol Keep them coming Dexter, you rock! I haven't given up on my one on one with BO either, bring on the free throws!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Cardisa! Yes. That comment was true! That Congressman took a lot of flack for that comment. Thanks Cardisa! I was away too long. Can't let that happen again!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Epi! It is so good to see you! Thank you so much for your promotion of my hubs. You are such a great man! I am starting to think you are right. The GOP has really made some gigantic mistakes. At this point, I don't see them beating Obama. Too much drama in the GOP.

A dynamic candidate is what is needed - and fast if they are to have any hope!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Sunshine! Thank you so much! I hope you noticed the that Leroy mentioned you and linked to your hubs!

I am so glad you enjoyed it!


WillStarr profile image

WillStarr 4 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

This is a killer series, Dex! Up and across


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Will! Thank you so much (and I am still working on getting my ebook to you)! :-)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Dexter, Dexter, Dexter, Dexter.

The title was like a meat hook dragging me in with no problem:) so happy I just got caught! OMG! You are hysterical! I totally and thourghly enjoyed every last line! Up and every single thing and button I can hit!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi RealHousewife! It is indeed an honor to have you visit and comment! Thank you so much! However, Leroy deserves all the credit:-) He's the funny one. I am just a fly on the wall! You are really kind and we thank you again!


Motown2Chitown 4 years ago

Dex, man, when you come back, you come BACK! This was awesome. Laughed till I cried. I can NEVER close my eyes and see Obama without a swagger. You captured it perfectly. Welcome back, my dear friend. :)


Sunshine625 profile image

Sunshine625 4 years ago from Orlando, FL

I just noticed the link to my Top 100 List also!!! Leroy you rock!!!


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

Very realistic and funny conversation, Dex. You do have the knack. Don't stop.


TheManWithNoPants profile image

TheManWithNoPants 4 years ago from Tucson, Az.

Dexter,

Send me a link dude. I'm not getting any notices. I got this because a friend of mine who didn't know I knew you, sent me an e-mail with a link asking me if I'd ever read you. I know you.

I always love it when you allow me to be a fly on the wall of the White House my man! Look, Michele's got what we used to call a Nebraska butt. Not fat, just a bit thick, and very solid. Some dudes swear over those Nebraska butts. Me? I like em a bit smaller. I'd go so far as to say old Michele probably has the best First Lady rump since Jackie. Plus, I think First Lady booty watching can get you put in front of a firing squad. (Not that there's been anything worth checking out) Oh, God, what am I talking about? Now I'll have nightmares about Bush Sr.'s old lady in a thong or somethin. "Oops, there went dinner." Voted up, funny, interesting, and ... sorry, gotta go!

jim


Rosemay50 profile image

Rosemay50 4 years ago from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand

You did it again Dexter. A great job

I can't believe that tubby Sensenbrenner had the cheek pass a comment on her butt, she is lovely. Just love that Leroy he is such a card. hay and so are you. I just love this series.

Oh and Happy New Year to you and yours


Lesleysherwood 4 years ago

Hey, this is brilliant. I don't know much about American politics, but I don't need to for this. I am definitely going back now to the start of the series:)


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Mo! You are always so generous in your comments! Thank you so much. I wish you were still here in the Chi!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Sunshine! Leroy thinks highly of you as well!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi DR BJ! You are too kind! Thank you so much. I have you as person to model after.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Jim! You always have the best comments. Man, I wish I could be as open and telling as you are. You have a gift that many of us desire to have - to say what we want!

Thanks so much for the wonderful comments and the votes! You are a great American!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Rosemay! Happy New Year! Thank you so very much. I write this series just so I can entertain wonderful people such as yourself!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Lesley! Thank you! American politics can be boring and ugly. I try to add some humor to it. I think you will enjoy the others' in the series. Please let me know! Thanks, again!


Eiddwen profile image

Eiddwen 4 years ago from Wales

Btrilliant as always my friend and a must for the up up and away award.

Take care and enjoy the rest of your day.

Eddy.


bethperry profile image

bethperry 4 years ago from Tennesee

Great edition, Dexter!

But I LOVE Herman Cain and never had an affair with him.

I really don't care if FLOTUS has a big rear or not; I'd just like to see her keep her NOSE out of everyone else's business.

Voting up and looking forward to the next one!


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 4 years ago

This Comical Satire was better than being a Fly on the wall at the White House, Dexter. I Loved it! You are getting better and better at this...are you sure you weren't really there, taking notes at the White House Kitchen Table?


always exploring profile image

always exploring 4 years ago from Southern Illinois

Another funny Satire..I love these..Makes me feel a little closer to The First Family....


Movie Master profile image

Movie Master 4 years ago from United Kingdom

Hi Dex, a great fun and entertaining read and voted up!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Eiddwen! Thank you so much! I am thrilled that you enjoyed it!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Beth! I hear you! I was a fan of Cain myself. Thank you!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi b.Malin! Yes, I actually have a seat in the White House Kitchen. If you knew some of the things I know! Whew! Thank you so much!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Always Exploring! I am so happy that this series brings you closer to the Obama's. They are an interesting family indeed! Thanks!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Movie Master! Thank you so much my dear friend!


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

Wow.. this is the first installment I have read in this series. This is hilarious, clever, well written, and very creative. I about lost it on the part about poor Hermain Cain.. Hey ladies, take a ride on the Cain Train!'... You have a real gift.. dialouge is the hardest thing for writers to master it, especially when it drives the story. You are the master. That is one of the best hubs I have read in some time. Well done!.. Candy Cane.. still snickering..


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Tammy! Thank you for your generous comments. I really appreciate your kindness. I really love writing this series and it's good to know that others are enjoying it! Thanks again!


Sueswan 4 years ago

Hi Dexter

So good to see you my friend. I missed the Morning Conversations of Barack and Michelle.

"Leroy: That dude sure did fizzle fast! The ladies were coming out of the woodwork. They should have named him "Candy Cain!" Lol

Leroy: Mr. Prez, you got swagger! So me and the Prez have something in common. ;-)

Voted up up and away!

Take care


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Sueswan! Yes! You got swagger! Thank YOU!


Sunnie Day 4 years ago

Leroy is the man.hahaha I just loved this..I had a thought you may have to write one on Brad Pitts recent visit to the White House..:)

Thanks for the smiles..You really got this one right..

Take care Dex and thank you!

Sunnie


KDee411 profile image

KDee411 4 years ago from Bay Area, California

Very good. So out of the ordinarily. I look forward to reading more.

Kay


mckbirdbks profile image

mckbirdbks 4 years ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

Hello Dexter, I just want to say you have the second best series on the hub. Funny that both hubs take place in the kitchen.

This was the best of your series so far. And you are in store for TONS of material as 2012 progresses.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Mckbirdbks! Second best isn't so bad! Thanks a million! The kitchen is an obvious place to have a good conversation! Congrats to you on a VERY successful series.


Lady_E profile image

Lady_E 4 years ago from London, UK

Great. I enjoyed it and laughed when Obama was called "big ears". I wonder how I missed this on my HP emails...

Cheers.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Thanks Lady E! Always glad when you visit!


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Well, now that I figured out SOMEHOW I unfollowed you! I'm innocent. It had to be Leroy, I swear. Who do I sue? No wonder I'm so far behind in the series. Sunshine didn't hook me up with your link until what is about mid-way, at this point. I just have to start from #1 and go through them all...and leave my mark on all that I missed. That should keep me off the streets for at least 6 months.....What a slacker I am!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Fpher! You are forgiven! Sit back, read and enjoy! And...thank you!


JT Walters profile image

JT Walters 4 years ago from Florida

This would be funny except alot of it is true. I guess we have to laugh at what is happening in this ocuntry otherwise we would cry! ON to the next installment. I love this series but I have been on Hiatus in child support enforecement court and it doesn't look to end anytime too soon.

Missed your work.

Love it!!

JT


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Thanks, JT. Good luck to you!


JT Walters profile image

JT Walters 4 years ago from Florida

Thanks Dex!!


marcoujor profile image

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Hi Son,

Your Momma is a 'little behind' in her reading (oh, who am I kidding!) I am taking the liberty of sending you a song from my younger days :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhKDV0QN4ew

as an apology and a tribute to the Michelles, the Adelles, the marcoujors and all the other real women out there...

Voted UP & FAB, mar


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Great song, Momma! And no apologies needed! Just having you "here" means the world to me!


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Cookingrecipes! Thanks for the votes! I appreciate it!


Phoebe Pike 4 years ago

Interesting hub... I remember hearing about the "butt comment". Honestly I don't understand why anyone would say things like that. especially in a position of power. He could have been talking about anything useful and instead he's stuck explaining and apologizing when he could be working on more important matters. It bugs me when politicians waste their time with such silly comments.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Phoebe! Agreed! It just makes fodder for jokesters! Thanks!


cherrycrime26 profile image

cherrycrime26 4 years ago from NY, Now Living in Atlanta Ga

Swagger? LOL, that he def has, you come up with the funniest things, voted up.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Hi Cherrycrime! I really enjoy writing this series. But I really enjoy it when you read and comment! Thanks!


Ghost32 4 years ago

Awesome as always, Dex. I don't see Obama winning reelection, but then again, being one of those right wingnut extremist Tea Party whack jobs, I wouldn't.

The photo of Sensenbrenner is hilarious. Forget the butt; look at his gut!

Voted Up and Over.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Thanks, Ghost! Glad you enjoyed it!


Jo_Goldsmith11 profile image

Jo_Goldsmith11 4 years ago

Great to see Leroy! I think we have a beautiful First Lady inside and out! She really cares about our children and the country. She will leave her mark as the First mom of the people! Loved this one too..voted and SHARED..Blessings! keep writing. :)


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States Author

Leroy is too much sometimes, Jo! Thanks!

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