Is it normal to still be upset by an ex-hubbys activities 4 years after a painfu

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   landscapeartistposted 11 years ago

   Is it normal to still be upset by an ex-hubbys activities 4 years after a painful split?
   
   I loved my husband dearly, more than anything in the world next to my kids.  We split up 4 years ago because he was longtime cheating and I had had enough.  I was devastated and really hurt by it all.  That was 4 years ago and yet, here I am still hurt and being hurt.  What is wrong with me?  Why am I not over it all?  I can't even bring my self to talk to him civil without the emotional upset. I feel like I am still in the marriage with him.   What he does now shouldn't bother me but it does.

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2. 64

   DarrynGposted 11 years ago

   I understand where you are coming from.  I also an divorced for almost 11 years now for similar circumstances.  I can't tell you I have any answers, but you are not alone.  My ex still causes me pain, but as the years have put more distance between us, her ability to hurt me has also diminished.  That's not to say it doesn't still happen, but it happens less easily.  A hurt heart takes a long time to heal, I know because mine still is in the healing process.
   
   Not sure if that helps, but I hope it give you some hope.

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3. 0

   LikaMarieposted 11 years ago

   Well, I think because you wanted it to be amicable, even if it wasn't.  Fact is, you divorced out of self respect, not because you were out of love with him.  His infidelity forced your hand, and it's not the easiest thing to just get over.
   
   I think if there is some sort of group therapy of some sort, and even if it's on a different issue, I'm thinking that these ladies who divorced their abusive husbands who have a group may be a good place for you.  Some of them still love their husbands even if they were beaters.  They would understand where you're coming from.
   
   Don't think you're weak, because the fact that you still loved him while you divorced meant that you were strong enough to do it for yourself, and that's not an easy feat to accomplish.  The fact that you still have the ability to love (especially him) means that you have great inner strength.  Please utilize that inner strength to take the next step.
   
   You can do it, I have faith in you.  You've shown in the short time I've known you that you are a strong spirit.

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