What do I tell a friend who won't break up with her abusive boyfriend?

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   lisasuniquevoiceposted 8 years ago

   What do I tell a friend who won't break up with her abusive boyfriend?
   
   

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   beautyandpeaceposted 8 years ago

   It's quite hard for both ends, yours and theirs. In most cases, the abuser makes the victim feel small and vulnerable - also making them feel as though they need them to survive (most cases, but maybe not all). If your friend is in this state of mind, it might be difficult to get her to listen to what you have to say. If it is extreme abuse, and there is literally nothing else you can do maybe alert authorities? Or even get them to go to a group for abused victims otherwise theymay hold everything inside which is the worst thing possible - it's better for your friend to have a support system. Speaking of support, you may want to give her alot of that right now.

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      lisasuniquevoiceposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      beautyandpeace,
      Thank you for helping me to see just how delicate this situation really is. I like the idea that she could go to a support group. What I really want though, is for her to get away from the crazy guy, and move on.
      Lisa

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   Dr Billy Kiddposted 8 years ago

   This is hard.
   What I do is wait until the friend asks for advice. Unsolicited advice is never welcome.
   Also, admit that your friend has psychological problems that only a professional can help her with. If she asks what you think, say "you need a psychologist."
   That won't be any fun.

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      lisasuniquevoiceposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Dr. Billy Kidd,
      Thank you very much for your comment. She did mention at one point that she wanted to go to a psychologist about this problem. I said I thought it was a good idea. I just hope she goes.
      Lisa

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   dashingscorpioposted 8 years ago

   Chances are you've already told her your thoughts.
   Unfortunately she's the only one who has a vote in this. Some folks reassure their friends telling them if they ever need help they can count on them and making sure they're aware that they do have "options".
   Others completely withdraw from friends out of frustration.
   I recently read a hub about a woman who endured four years of an abusive relationship. The only reason she finally walked away was because she found out  her boyfriend was cheating on her!
   I suppose there is no such thing as an "universal deal breaker". Most of us assume abuse and cheating would both be "deal breakers". I suspect there are some people would go along with just about anything.
   You can't give someone else "self-esteem" or teach them to love themselves. On some level she must know this is a toxic relationship.
   In many ways it's as though they've joined a very small cult have allowed themselves to be brainwashed. It's too bad it's not acceptable for family and friends to hire someone to "extract" their loved ones from toxic relationships. All you can do is lend an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, and keep reminding her she has options.
   If someone is unhappy in a relationship and they choose to stay  (they) are {choosing} to be unhappy.
   If one truly (believes) they can do better they will attempt to do better.

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      lisasuniquevoiceposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      dashingscorpio,
      Thank you so much. I do believe she is choosing to be unhappy just like you said.  I do feel though that he has brainwashed her to some extent.
      Lisa

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