Do I need to stop kidding myself and move on??

1. 52

   Jemmashemmaposted 13 years ago

   I met a guy last year in an airport he was going one way for 6 months I was going the other but we seriously clicked so swapped names and kept in touch via facebook as friends, and occasionally joked about going on a date when we were both back in oz.
   
   about 6 weeks prior to meeting for our date we ended up having this ridiculous intense long distance (im up the top of oz he's down the bottom) whirlwind romance to the point where we would tell eachother if we sneezed. it was INTENSE! he wanted a future with me, i was the one yadda yadda.
   
   then the time came, we met, it was a great 5 days, met all his family, great sex, great fun, really relaxed around eachother. we chat about continuing the LDR as im not due to move to his city with work for 5 months, we agreed to cool it off a bit (more his decision than mine) i fly back, then thats it, no contact from him whatsoever!!! from 71631157 txts and calls a day to zilch! but if i initated he would reply.
   
   I ended up confronting him, he said it wasnt me, i was the best and he wants all the future stuff but when he has the chance of having it with someone like me he oesnt know what happens to him.... GUTTED, HEARTBROKEN, ANGRY... you name it, I felt it.
   
   I left it 2 weeks, i would only hear from him if I initiated the contact. so i stupidly took the friend route, told him, yeah I can handle it bla bla, and that was great, talked loads more online etc, he flirted loads, showed signs of jealousy, talked about going out when i was next in town bla bla... then i cracked and sent him this by email...
   
   "hey mr,
   
   Im gunna get straight to the point with this message. I know I said the other night that we could be friends and i could handle it, but I can't tom. I am kidding myself that I can just be friends with you because I feel more for you than that, and pretending to just be your friend is only gunna result in me getting hurt and leading you on.
   
   in no way is this message meant to be a guilt trip on you or be some kind of ultimatum. I just want to be honest and not play games, it's too hard for me, i'm sorry. I have deleted your numbers off my phone because ill only end up messaging you at some point and torturing myself over and over. Its got to the stage where I have to stop kidding myself and in a way be cruel to myself to be kind in the long run.
   
   Take care of yourself ok"
   
   that was yesterday... he never replied. MORTIFIED
   
   I need to let this go dont I????? I am stupid holding on to false hopes??? crying at every turn like the mayor of loserville. somebody slap me round the face and give it to me straight please
   
   Thank you

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   1. 0

      Marzimeposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      dont give him the satisfaction of letting him know he hurt your feelings. If a guy wants to be with you, there will be no leading on and mix feelings. He is making excuses which is a lie guarded. He seems to be using you for when he is lonely and waitting for someone closer by to come along. If he also ever told you at one point you are interesting and different from the rest- RUN!
      
      There are plenty more people out there that can make your life easier. Seek those kind of people that truely make you feel beautiful and wanted, not taken you for granted.

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2. 61

   dingdondingdonposted 13 years ago

   I don't know him so I'm going off what you're saying here, but this guy sounds like a bit of a coward. He likes the female attention you give him, so when you talk to him he'll flirt back and lead you on a bit to flatter his own ego, but he doesn't want commitment and he's too much of a coward to just come out and say so. So he's basically just blanking you instead.
   
   Sounds like a loser to me. I know it's hard, especially as it sounds like you two were very close, but I'd forget about him. Cut off all contact with him. Don't email him, don't text him, just get on with your life. If he tries to contact you (which he might, as it sounds like he gets a kick out of the flattery of your liking him) then continue ignoring him. It's only what he does to you, after all.

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   1. 52

      Jemmashemmaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      thanks for your reply, you talk good solid sense! think I am more confused as when we did chat couple of nights ago he sent me a txt saying "how's the home life, your ex hasnt touched you has he??" (my last relationship was unfortunately a violent one) and also commented a facebook status of mine in which i was getting frustrated at trying to learn to parrallel park and he stated "you can do it jem jem, i know you can" both of which I took as him 'caring'.... oh he makes me so mad and confused

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3. 0

   Home Girlposted 13 years ago

   I am sorry for you Jemma. I guess, you expected too much and for him it was just a fling. Sorry. Happens. Move on. Pain will go away, it's just a matter of time,time,time.... he just played with your feelings, some people do, you know. Don't be a slave of yours, keep busy, you'll meet a better guy, I am sure.

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4. 91

   prairieprincessposted 13 years ago

   Jem,
   
   It sounds like he is playing games with you. He probably does "care" about you, but doesn't want the commitment. He'll keep driving you crazy indefinitely, and I think you absolutely did the right thing by cutting off contact. It must hurt, especially when you got so close, but it sounds like all he can handle is a fling.
   
   Take care!

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