Why did you choose to have children?

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   kelleywardposted 12 years ago

   Just wanting to hear why you decided to have children. Anyone care to share?

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      Hollie Thomasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      My first child was an accident. I had planned to be childless and never wanted children ( I had dreams of living and working in distant lands) My second child was planned. I did not want my son to be an only child and to have no other immediate family when I was gone. I'm glad I had both of them now.

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         Muldaniaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I think having siblings is good for most children.  I grew up as an only child, and at almost 40, I am still the last person to have been born in my family.  So I am the last in the line for both my mom's and dad's family.  And as having children isn't an option, there would have been a better chance of the family line continuing had I had siblings.

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            Hollie Thomasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            I was the youngest of four and there was fourteen, twelve and eight years between myself and my siblings. I felt like an only child and I was very lonely as a child. This was at the forefront of my mind when I planned my second child.

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         kelleywardposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks everyone the reasons for having children are sometimes so unique to each person. Thanks for sharing!

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      BrazilActivposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Kelly,well... for me anyway, there's no greater gift in life than children.  In my opinion, nothing in life comes close to the joy and love a child brings

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         rLcasaLmeposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I second that!

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            BakingBread-101posted 12 years agoin reply to this

            I third that!  My child is a joy and while she is an only child in my family, she at least has me.  She tells me that before she found me she was looking for a Mommy and a Daddy and a Sister, but no brothers because boys are icky . . . but she is quick to say she's glad she found me because I'm the Queen of Mothers and just the best best.

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      lizzieBooposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I have four children All of them were a surprise and a delight. I hope I am blessed with more.
      I'm one of ten so I know what it is to have a busy household. It's a great gift. Childbirth is the female equivalent of charging into armed combat. You know it's coming and you have not choice but to battle it out. I remember thinking during my last labour, that this is what the men "going over the top" of the trenches must have felt like. Terrified. At the end, when the baby has been born, you feel like you've won.

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   WryLiltposted 12 years ago

   Because I like to try everything. I'm a know it all - plus I'm a writer at heart and think the more I can experience, the better I can write.
   
   Having had two natural and easy births, I'd kinda like to try a ceaser and a VBAC just to say that I have!

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      Hollie Thomasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I've had a ceaser, honestly, don't go there.

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         WryLiltposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Oh yeah I know that they're a lot more painful and can cause far more complications. But hell I'd like to commit suicide to try that, if I could come back and write about it after! Just like trying things, LoL!

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            Hollie Thomasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            If I wrote about it, I'd have to talk about how nutty I became, paranoid when the midwife visited etc. I was very ill after, physically and psychologically. Not to mention the blood transfusions.

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               WryLiltposted 12 years agoin reply to this

               Yep I've had major surgeries before... and I am scared to death of needles. So hopefully never end up with a ceaser.... but would still like to know what it's like. Sorry to hear yours wasn't very successful

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                  Hollie Thomasposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  Well, it was successful in terms of delivering a beautiful daughter. But it was an emergency ceaser so no epidural, just sleep. After giving birth naturally, it was weird. My daughter was in the special care baby unit, so we didn't bond as we should either. Not immediately anyway. I found the whole situation quite harrowing.

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                  Muldaniaposted 12 years agoin reply to this

                  I share your fear of needles.  In fact for years I have refused to have blood tests.  However, I couldn't get out of it last week, and the fear built up to an overwhelming degree.  However, to my amazement, it didn't hurt at all.  I really think the fear of needles is more distressing than the needles themselves.

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   Cagsilposted 12 years ago

   I haven't.

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   Richieb799posted 12 years ago

   I think I want kids but I've been pondering the question 'Is it fair to bring a child into a world with so many problems?'

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      WryLiltposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I'm bringing mine in so I can teach them how to fix it.

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         Richieb799posted 12 years agoin reply to this

         I dunno whether you can teach them how to fix it but maybe I will be able to share some of my wisdom with them and it will be nice to be a role model.

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      kelleywardposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I remember feeling like you do rich I really like your way of thinking about it Wry

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      BakingBread-101posted 12 years agoin reply to this

      This is a question that will go on for all eternity.  The world will always have problems.  And if we don't bring children into the world, then truly the end of mankind will happen.

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   Elani-Leeposted 12 years ago

   I think this is an excellent question. I do not have children, and I really do not understand why anyone truly desires to have one. The physical pain, the economic hardship, then the psychological pain when they are older. How is it worth it?

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      Eric Newlandposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      Let me put it this way: the reasons why you have a child aren't as important as--and frankly bear no resemblance to--the reasons why you keep them.
      
      You get instantly rewired when you become a parent. It truly isn't something you can understand until you've gone through it. If I could go back in time and try to explain to my younger self what being a dad is like it would be a wasted trip. It would be like trying to explain color to a blind man.

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         TamCorposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         That was the best explanation that I've ever read...   I was the same way before I had kids--I didn't think I was cut out to be a parent, because although I liked the new babies that came along in our family, I just didn't think it was for me...
         
         I changed, though, as soon as I looked into my new little daughter's eyes, and was confirmed two more times with my sons...

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            kelleywardposted 12 years agoin reply to this

            I agree with your answer. I've heard Steve arterburn say I don't know anyone who stays married for the reason they got married. It's similar to having a child the reasons for having one often are less impor than the reasons for loving one!

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      Marlena Oechsnerposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      I do not have children but question whether or not I want any. I am currently reading a book called Misconceptions by Naomi Wolf. She discusses many things that people fail to consider when having children. As a new aunt, I love my nephew like crazy, but I don't know if I could deal with the emotional challenges that are presented during pregnancy. My dad would love to have more grandchildren, but he understands the hardships that are presented to the woman, as compared to the man in the relationship. Another thing he said that stuck with me relates to what Richie said about bringing children into a world with so many problems: parents felt this way thirty years ago and they'll feel this way in another thirty years. Raising a child in any situation is difficult, so you need to think about the things that you CAN provide for your child, not what you can't give them.

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         kelleywardposted 12 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks for sharing. Sounds like a great book!

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   Tracy Lynn Conwayposted 12 years ago

   I don't think it was ever a decision for me.  From the time my younger brother was born and I was given the opportunity to be his 'big sister' I knew that I loved the ideas of babies and children and in a greater sense the circle of life. Children bring the greatest joy to the lives of those who open their hearts to them.  This connection with children doesn't only exist through being a parent; aunts, uncles and other close family members and friends can share in this experience as well. There is a lot of work involved for parents along with some sacrifices but I find in life that the greatest rewards come from meeting the most difficult challenges.  Children stretch parents to be a better person than they ever thought they could be.
   
   Tracy

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   brittanygcposted 12 years ago

   Well my first child was not planned at all, complete surprise. After I had her, I had baby fever and really wanted to be pregnant again, so we tried and when she was 4 months old I took a positive pregnancy test. Besides loving being pregnant, I made a conscious decision that I wanted my children to be close in age. My girls are now 2 and 1, and they are wonderful together. There are 5 years separating me and my younger brother, and we are not close at all, but I wish like crazy we were. So I wanted to give that to my children.
   
   I plan on trying for one more in no less than 2 years. I want to be sure we are in a great financial spot to raise another baby and for my babies now to be a little older. I could not handle another little baby right now. The ones I have keep me super busy all day.

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   MsDoraposted 12 years ago

   Questions like this make me think about things I didn't think about before the question.  I guess having children was a choice, but it didn't seem like it.  I expected to grow up, marry and have children; not having children would have been a more conscious choice. For me, it was like part of my womanhood responsibility.

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      kelleywardposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      It's amazing how different every person answers this question. There are many reasons why we choose to have children. Thanks everyone for answering this question!

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   IntimatEvolutionposted 12 years ago

   I didnt decide.  My irresponsibility decided for me......

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      kelleywardposted 12 years agoin reply to this

      it happens!

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    Lisa HWposted 12 years ago

    (I'd turn my answer into a whole Hub if it weren't "purely personal".)
    
    My first one wasn't planned - but not in the way you may think.  He was an infant who came into my life and needed a mother, so I set about adopting him.  I'd always known I wanted to have children and "be a family" at some point anyway, so thought I'd start with him. 
    
    I had my younger son had because it was time, and because building our family "the conventional way" was always something we'd planned anyway (and my four-year-old son needed a sibling, too, I thought).  One reason I adopted him was my wish to offer him two good parents and a really nice family and childhood.  I thought siblings would be a part of that - but then, too, I wanted to have babies myself too, just because that's the usual way people build their families.
    
    I was so happy with my adorable set of sweet little boys, I could have been happy enough with just them.  But, since we loved them so much and enjoyed having them so much (and since I was still only 32), I didn't want to stop building our family at two children - so we went for three.  I figured, another little son "just like the others" would be nice, and a daughter would be a first for us.  My daughter was born, which made things seem even more complete as far as that "being a family" thing went.
    
    Why we wanted to be a family (besides just kind of always taking for granted that we'd have a family one day) because we'd been together as "just us" for quite a while, and wanted to take our life together (as they say) "to the next level".  It was also, I guess, feeling like we had a lot of love to give to children; but also because children can bring so much into a life.  Also, I guess, I had a major nurturing instinct that needed an outlet.  I was 29 when my younger son was born, so apparently that nurturing instinct hadn't diminished with just one child.  Besides, I wanted my next child to be one I didn't have to "fight for" for "ages".
    
    Finally, I had the wish to "once and for all" do the "have a baby thing" the way we always assume we most likely will.  I'd had a baby without a pregnancy and delivery, and I'd had a pregnancy without a baby.  My younger son was born prematurely.  All had gone well, but it still hadn't been the same as it is "for everyone else".  When my daughter was born at 37 weeks (considered full-term enough), I felt like I'd finally had the same experience that "most other mothers do", so I guess there was some element of wanting that involved with our having our youngest child.    Once she was born, I suppose we preferred not to rock any boats/odds by having another child after her.  Having two beautiful and healthy little boys and a beautiful and healthy little girl were more than we could ever have hoped for.
    
    What I've discovered is that some of the reasons we have children sometimes don't reveal themselves to us until our families are grown, we see our children with their grown siblings and feel what we feel when we do, and see how we've grown with them; but also what they continue to bring into our lives as their own lives become more full.  I guess I sort of knew that I'd eventually discover yet more reasons to be happy I'd built my family, but I had no idea about how meaningful it would all become as our family matured, or about how I'd grow as they grew.  I guess I had my family because I didn't want to miss out on what having a family would bring to me and to my life.  I just didn't have a clue about how much, exactly, I'd miss if I didn't have my children.
    
    What I also discovered once each of my children had come into my life was that my reasons for having (or adopting) each were no longer at all about what they could bring to my life - but about what I could bring to theirs (which, in itself, one of the best things about having children).

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       kelleywardposted 12 years agoin reply to this

       I agree so much with your answer because it is what I have come to know as my own. The biggest thing I have learned since having my 3 boys all per c-section as a high risk diabetic (I know what you mean about not getting to have a REAL birth) is that becoming a parent is about a series of losses and a series of gains. We must grieve the losses (I'll never have a girl, never have a regular birth, never etc.) but there are so many gains (beauty of boys is something I never thought possible, boys extend me because I only knew about being a girl etc). I agree that as I teach them and they learn from me I am the one who learns so much about myself, the world, and how special little people are! Thanks!

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    rLcasaLmeposted 12 years ago

    Coming home with your daughter opening the door and reaches up to you to get a kiss is PRICELESS!

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