How can I learn to say no to solicitors?
I'm out 90 bucks in just two days because of solicitors. It's my fault for not saying no, but I need to LEARN how to say no to these guys. They come with all these legit charities that need money and I feel so pressured and obligated to say yes. I feel like a terrible, selfish person if I say no. I also feel way rude. But, because of my recent charitable spending spree, I'm eating ramen for the next two weeks.
Oh my Shanna-
Like Paul Simon said in "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" there must be 50 ways to tell a solicitor no.
1) No, thank you. (then hang up or close the door)
2) Not interested. (then hang up or close the door)
3) Hang up.
4) Walk away.
Repeat as many times as you are solicited.
You owe a solicitor no explanations or another minute of your time.
You can pick your charities as you see fit and can afford.
You are simply allowing yourself to be preyed upon. There is no need to feel that you are being rude or selfish. You have every right to protect yourself (and your budget).
Tell them "Don"t let the door hit ya; Where the good Lord Split ya!" Just kidding!!!!
You have a rite to say NO. You have a rite to your TIME. You have a rite to your MONEY.
Dont feel guilty. But also tell them right away so they don't have to waste their time.
Be Honest tell them NO THANK YOU! and they will appreciate that!!!
Sounds like you feel "guilty" about saying no. I have a hub about saying "NO" to your family and others - saying no is a good way to take care of ourselves. Make a list of one or two causes or charities you do support or donate to. Next time you are asked by solicitors you can say NO. I have chosen to support xxxx this year and say a firm thank you and goodbye, If they carry on talking say thank you again and ask them not to call again then hang up.
There is another route that works.... When they ask you if Shanna11 is there, just say I am sorry but Shana11 died two days ago.... They never bother you again.
The other one that works is "No... she is in jail." These work better than the do not call list.
It is hard but you do need to care for yourself first. I used to have a hard time with it and still do at times depending on my mood. On the phone I tell them "we give all of our contributions through our church," and if they argue, like they do, I am polite but firm and say - no, we really can't help you, and I hang up quietly.
In person, I would put a sign on my door that says "no soliciting" and do not answer the door if they show up. If you do, simply control the conversation by saying no right away. If you let them get started talking, you're sunk. So when they show up greet them with a firm, kind, "If you are soliciting for a charity, I cannot help you, I have through our church." Smile and close the door. Do NOT allow them into your home.
And remember - you are in the right, you are not a bad person for saying no.
You need professional help.
If the fear of feeling bad about yourself, or guilty, makes you a pushover, an easy mark, a people pleaser, then you have low self esteem. You need to get into ongoing psychotherapy and work personal growth issues, with emphasis on your self image and, in that process, learn to stand up for yourself.
Are you in a relationship with a controlling, abusive person? Were you raised in an abusive family?
Read the book, "When I Say No I Feel Guilty," or other such books about women's self esteem.
Get professional psychological help.
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