In our lovely forums, there is room for varied and interesting philosophical discourses. Sometimes, a few of us can go overboard in asserting our positions(including me, I am not entirely innocent of this). Each one of us are entitled to present our respective positions and/or opinions regarding the issue at hand. What methodologies do you suggest as to how to be more civil and cordial to each presenter on these forums?
1. Be careful in our choice of words.
Saying things like "Thank you for sharing your thoughts. If I may suggest a different alternative..." instead of "That's stupid. This is the correct response.." Sometimes, in order to keep myself from flying off the handle and saying stupid things, I take a deep breath and ask myself how I would wish to be addressed, if I were that person. That their thoughts and opinions are as valuable as mine, and that I have no right to belittle or get arrogant.
2. Avoid personal attacks
No matter how much I may think that someone is stupid, I need to remember one thing: respect! sometimes in the heat of the argument it is easy to forget the whole point of the forum, which would be to discuss opinions and ideas. Once I personally attack someone, I have made myself into a fool by showing myself to be uncontrolled and abandoning the original intent of participating int he forum, which is to share my thoughts and have an intelligent discussion. If I want to be taken seriously, I need to restrain from making personal attacks.
I find oftentimes that I "speed-read" through what someone has written, if I am in a heated debate with them. This is the most terrible mistake I make when participating in a heated discussion. I "assume" that i know what they are going to say, then make a response based on that "assumption" only to find out that i completely misconstrued what they were saying. Before long, we're both arguing about things that neither of us said. This again all boils down to respect. If they took the time to write it, I need to be respectful enough to read and understand. Saying things such as "did I understand you correctly?" or "...if I understood you correctly" seem to go a long ways in establishing communication and actually having a meaningful conversation. Being quick to listen and slow to respond is always a good policy!
Those are just some thoughts that I had on the subject.
You should write a hub on what you have elucidated in this post.
I can most certainly learn fromt his response... Thank you.
AshtonFirefly has said it so eloquently. I agree. Think about what the person is saying, try to understand it, then respond calmly. Go into the forums with the attitude of agreeing to disagreeing. There is nothing wrong with a heated discussion, but we should not personally attack each other. We don't have to like or even respect what someone says, but we can listen and learn and walk away if we have to in the end.
I have stayed away from the forums for the most part. I saw your question on the right side of a question I was answering. This is an issue hubbers need to consider. Thanks for bringing it up.
Just be yourself. Don't be rude. Kindly disagree with others. If you are dealing with an impossible person, just ignore them. If someone responds to one of your hubs in a rude matter, just ignore them. If someone is nice enough to take the time to read your hub and comment, be sure to thank them for taking the time to do so. Just behave like a normally functioning human being should behave. Just about everyone I've encountered on this site is nice and respectful. I have yet to meet a person that was just flat out awful. If you are an awful person, this site is probably not for you in the first place.
For now, the issue seems to be "BAN RECIPE HUBS" and "BAN POETRY"
And lets not forget "INSULT CHRISTIANS" and "ATHEISTS ARE INTOLERANT"
The biggest tip I can give is: Be polite and tolerant
I agree with the others on this, 100%!!!
But the problem is, every time I suggest it on a forum thread, it usually gets ignored, lol.
AshtonFirefly made some excellent points, and I wish more people would heed this advice!
I pause when agitated and ask myself, "What would JA do?"
The biggest problem for me, GM, is that with online communication, you are lacking the presence of the person who is "talking." Unfortunately, anyone on the Internet can be whatever they want to be. For me, I spent 10 years of my life observing behavior. Online, the biggest block for me is not being able to look at the person. Body language. How they dress. How they move. Eye contact. I find this so frustrating because I am not afraid of confrontation. This is why online is NOT my cup of tea. You can't control how people behave online. You can't call these people on their bad behavior. All I know is that you can allow yourself some outbursts because the feed rolls. I am passionate about some subjects. But I have a list of hot spots that will automatically push my buttons. For instance, I worked the California prison system, and I don't care for the fiction written here on how prison is expected to be. Basically, John and Jane Public want happy endings for these poor inmates because they've seen too much television. I stay away from subjects like prison and prison "reality" shows and move on. It is not my place to educate people on my former work. Nor is it my place to prove that I am right. When you always feel the need to be right, you have missed life itself. Yes, people are entitled to their opinions. Knowing this, I freely give it to them.
My father always told me that it is sometimes better to be happy than to be right. I understand exactly what you mean. That's the reason why I rarely visit the Religion or Politics forums. The way people talk to each other in those forums REALLY push my buttons!
Everyone is safe on this post. Hopefully, there will be NO PERSONAL ATTACKS!
I agree. There's no reason to attack someone in the forums or on their hubs. I observed that one particular situation as it unfolded. I also stated my opinion as to why it escalated to the degree that it did and that I believed that all parties involved were wrong. Hopefully everyone learned their lesson and that type of situation won't happen again.
I do in the forums as I do in the real world.
The ankle bracelet comes off Thursday...
Actually, I do try to apply real-world policy here. Specifically, if things become unpleasant, I just leave.
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by doodleplum 8 years ago
Unfortunately there is no way to substantiate your claims so I doubt anything will be done. For all anyone here, including the moderators know, everything she posted is true. Unless the attacks are personal I don't think you'll be successful in getting her removed and that is ho it should be.
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