Power struggles at work? Broken relationships? Trying to make ends meet?
What is your go-to?
If it is a broken relationship, then you just learn and move on. You cannot change how others feel, nor would you want to. As far as coping with anything else, understanding goes a long way. It might not come from inside of yourself, it may come in the form of written word, a song, or even a quote. Speaking of quotes, one of my favorites is very applicable here - blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders. - Nietzsche
I use the Violet Flame, a transmutation flame, of the Holy Spirit: I AM a being of Violet Fire! I AM the purity God desires! This vibrational fire immediately changes all negativity into positive polarity and feels great.
This is a very timely thread for me (Thanks Beth for starting it). A power struggle at work is my crisis. I've been hanging in there (for the money) when I should have quit long ago. My boss, who I trusted, totally stitched me up this Monday so I have resigned. This is OK as I'm in a position to do my own thing. My problem is the hurt and sense of betrayal and injustice.
I've been waking up in the night thinking how I can get even or how I can get justice. One morning I was driving to work and the words came to me, "Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past for behold I am doing a new thing." (This is a verse from Isaiah 43). The strange thing was instantly much of the hate and anger disappeared as I thought about new things and all the possibilities.
When I think about work, I say the verse a few times and I immediately I stop thinking about it. For those without faith it sounds lame, and I'm not one to share my faith often, but in moments of crisis it works for me. When God says "Forget the former things do not dwell on the past," I KNOW it makes perfect sense!
For anger and anxiety, heavy duty exercise does the trick. It leaves me too tired to be angry or anxious, plus the high afterwards makes me feel better.
Well, Beth....This is an interesting question for me at this time in my life. Had I attempted to answer this, as few as 20 years ago, my comments would have been entirely different.
My point being, it's not only true that we mellow with age....it's a total natural shift, predetermined in our DNA. Just believe me on this.
I'm retired, so I have no "power struggles at work." Relationship issues, are Ancient History.......(and in hind sight, a complete and utter waste of time & emotion).....Because I am and always have been, a financial wizard.....my ends always meet.....because I'll have it no other way, regardless of what I must do or How I must do it...(legal, of course.)
COPING is pretty much a non-issue for me these days. I do nothing I choose not to do...and give myself permission to do what makes me happy and at peace. I, long ago, learned to avoid toxic individuals, speak my mind and stand up for my rights. I politely but bluntly tell people that if they're favorite thing to do is gossip, they need to find someone else to talk to.
The moment I feel a case of the blahs coming on, I give myself a pep talk, take serious inventory of the many blessings in my life, go for a walk, grab a book or sit at my sewing machine....just KEEP occupied, doing things I enjoy and give my spirit a boost.
When faced with anything problematic, I will seek out a trusted friend and exchange intelligent solutions....gather up all my strength, wisdom and common sense....and work at it, head first, like the "Aries" (ram) I am, until I'm satisfied with the outcome. Coping mechanisms are learned through time, trial and error. When we find what works......we also find there's much less to need to cope with at all!..................
Yogurt cinnamon pretzels have never failed to provide solace.
Anger. If something scares me or worries me, I get pissed at it, which gives me the push I need to overcome it.
Exercise and meditation - sometimes a night out with friends to just get away from whatever it is. Fresh eyes see better solutions and all that.
Usually for me it's time alone (akin to a cat licking it's wounds I guess lol.) Ironic because I'm such a dog lover =p I feel that it's helps me "recharge" my energy after going through a negative situation. Music usually helps me as well. For me stuffing it down doesn't work (the repressed feelings always come back much worse, & I have no choice but to deal with them.) I've also tried channeling & turning it into a different feeling, a more constructive one and unfortunately for me it does not work either.
I have to actually "feel" the raw emotion, come to term with it, accept it & then move on from it and most importantly take something from it & "learn" from it in some way, shape, or form. I have learned (& usually stick to) a "time limit" (it really depends on the depth of the particular situation though.) I let myself wallow, be miserable, sulk, cry, scream, be dramatic, be a bitch, eat ice cream etc. Whatever I feel I need to do to express my inner feelings about it, or in some situations morn over it. Then I remind myself to take something from it, even if it's something I feel it will be insignificant in my future compared to other life lessons, I must take something from it. If I can learn and take something from it, then I feel I can take my internal "power" back & I will be a better person for it...then I can reemerge.
I need to learn to do that, but I just can't seem to bring myself to do it.
Give it time <3 Maybe there are other lessons that (for some reason or another) you are destined to learn now & other coping mechanism that you are destined to try first. Remember everything in life is a lesson, especially the hardest, most heartbreaking times.
"You can only control what you can..." Best advice I was ever given.
Great question...mmm, sometimes shouting helps (as long as no one can hear you!)...Driving out of the car park after a days work - especially on a Friday:-)...A nice cold beer (or 3).
Just now I had an almost panic attack as my husband announced that an unnamed person whom we all know is going to run for President. I am recovering by typing to slow my breathing. I was happy when I saw this topic. I hate talking politics. I need a good joke book. I am almost calm now.
Letting it go with prayer, realizing there is only so much control I have over people and things. After I fret a little, I pray and push forward and handle it with a better attitude that all will be well.
A walk in nature nearly always helps me, especially if my dog is with me.
In the end, that's all we've got Jan.
So Alicia, you have achieved a 100 in this day and age of HP's. Woot woot!
Music is one of my biggest ones these days. I just listen to music that relates to how I'm feeling, and it makes me feel that there are others out there that can relate. I also go jogging, or I'll watch a video that makes me laugh. People really underestimate the importance of laughter. It's one of the healthiest habits we can engage in.
I sleep. My Mother always told me things would be better in the morning. And usually they are.
I wrote a hub on this subject, if you are interested. It's one of my most often read. (Is that an official term?)
You are absolutely right. It reminds me of a biblical teaching that God's mercies are new every morning.
I'd love to read your hub.
I looked thru them all, didn't see it. What's the title?
Quitting my 9 -5 and working full time from home doing what I want when I want. Choosing which clients I work with. If a client is too difficult I let them go.
So I kinda forgot what work stress is like, but if a project is bothersome, I play with my dog or watch some Korean dramas. They usually relax me.
The relationship part. I pretend to be upset to get what I want. Works every time.
Denial shock as in being stubborn and false knowledge that am invincible is what I avoid.I have seen many who are still in denial even when they are facing troubles. I shed a tear,I get disappointed, I think harder,I let pain get to me but.......I know I have to get over the trouble and live on.
I've found that hitting negative people with a stick does the job for me...
unless of course they are out of reach..
Then I just use a paint ball gun
"What is your coping mechanism?"
None. I just keep plodding along.
Okay. Confession time. Baking. DIY projects. Hubbing. Seriously. I had a giant, we'll say "psychological break" and almost lost my husband/marriage in the process. I was refinishing a giant china cabinet earlier this year when it all happened, and I say that it and HP saved my life because before, during, and after everything (including twice attempting to end my life) I was always saying, "I have to finish this cabinet for a Hub I want to write." Imagine that. I never wrote the hub, but began Hubbing again in full force. I can't control everything. I can't fix everything. But I can make this awesome cake and make an awesome hub about it. I probably sound like a total weirdo but I shared in case this could be helpful to at least one someone
That makes a lot of sense to me. I wrote about that in some hub I wrote... can't remember the name... the girl has black eyes. Anyway, at the end, I give a strawberry bread recipe from another hubber and tell ppl to just have one goal. Goals are good. (Im glad you're all still with us.)
I come to the HP forums and post outrageous Sh#t that no rational human being would say to another face to face.It's quite cathartic actually...and It's a brake from my occupation as a life coach/yoga/meditation/bulsh#t artist.
See what I mean?...now I feel much better....
Ack! Ive been going back and forth for like 2 minutes... should I mention Break/Brake? What a quandary!
Scratch a hubber and find a schoolmarm. And that is just the men.
You look remarkably like a caryatid today.
They are the Greek ladies that the ancients liked to rest a pediment. Or sometimes a lintel.
Mind you, I bet you still have a nose.
I find you endlessly interesting.
I admit I had to look us cryatid although I wouldn't have needed to had I finished your post first.
Mind you, even with the definition, the implication wasn't fully understood. Was it a compliment or an insult? One is never sure with you.
I don't like to brag, though I do indeed have a nose.
Sorry, I shouldn't start conversations that I cannot finish. Problem is I am busy at the moment, and I only get into these forums at the end of the day.
Queen Beth wins the nose war.
You were too quick in your reply, lol. Having posted, I decided that I would probably have to do a quick Photoshop to be convincing.
So now you will never become one with the Erechtheion.
I don't mind... Im not really fond of seeing my face quite that clearly.
Not many people get mistaken for caryatids these days. FIne upstanding women that they are.
By the way do you know where the word 'laconic' comes from?
And would you ever think of yourself as inclined to be laconic, from time to time?
Solitude. It is my coping mechanism. I must step back/out and gather myself. Whether it be going outside and sitting alone, taking a walk by myself, or taking a long hot bath, going within has saved my sanity more than once. I find that in doing so I gather strength, courage, and the will to plod on. For me, solitude is imperative to have diligence.
Great question, Beth.
Yes. That is a solid mechanism. Do you ever feel like it is a detriment?
For me, it is not detrimental. However, I find that it is sometimes misunderstood. Some think that all people that turn inward are doing so to be hateful, spiteful, or difficult and feel spurred by it and I'm sure there are some that may do just that, but for me, it is not. It is what keeps me from overreacting in many instances and it gives me time to think things over and contemplate things full circle. In my younger days, I was very hot-headed, had a short temper at the drop of a hat, etc. but the older I become, the more I realize that in order to save my sanity (and a possible assault charge lol) I must find a way to cope. Finding solitude and a quiet space for awhile, to step back and think things through, has been very helpful for me.
I went to an extreme and isolated for 3 years. I still find I prefer it, but for a mom with a family, it wasn't a good mechanism.
Yes, I see how extreme isolation and solitude is very detrimental and probably safe to say, quite unhealthy. I've found a good place within solitude though, I'm very fortunate. When I feel like I'm nearing my breaking point, I resort to some good ole "me" time as I mentioned in my earlier post. It's not always easy to do with a family but I manage more often than not to squeeze in at least a walk or a hot bath when I know I have things to sort out. Sometimes, it takes more than doing any one thing than at other times, of course but over-all I've found that even the small "breaks" add up.
I read and read more and try to learn and learn more; I ask questions; I gather information.
I don't have a very good coping mechanism, I'm afraid. It seems to consist mostly of escapism. Escape into the distractions of the Internet, whether here, on FaceBook and a couple of its games; games on my Nook; (I love reading, but no more budget for buying books--even e-Books cost a lot more than they should, and more than they were represented to cost when I bought the Nook)...
I've taken to watching marathon sessions of certain TV shows with hubby....and that's about it. Can't afford to go out to eat, or even for a "cuppa" these days...Hubby has no stamina on account of his health, so I'm the sole caretaker, and if I go out to take care of me, it's alone, and I've never been good at being alone...it's no fun to go for a walk or to the park, or anything without company, someone to talk to, or share the discoveries... "Oh, look at THAT!" .....
Our lives sound a little bit similar. If you were my neighbor, we would have fun.
In real life, Im a bit more laconic... a word which I totally know the meaning of.
I am always the life of the party... except when Im hiding somewhere in someone's yard.
Women... we're a screwy bunch... with or without our noses.
A laconic phrase is a concise or terse statement, named after Laconia (a.k.a. Lacedaemon [Greek Λακεδαίμων]), a polis of ancient Greece (and region of modern Greece) surrounding the city of Sparta proper.
A laconism is a figure of speech in which someone uses very few words to express an idea, in keeping with the Spartan reputation for verbal austerity.
Someone collected the sayings of the women of Sparta, but they mostly they do not work in the modern world. They wowed the Athenians, though.
Only a cup of hot cocoa is going to wow me at this point, in the evening.
p.s. don't be unkind to the atheists tonight. They are people too, you know.
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