Complete this sentence...

1. 78

   DzyMsLizzyposted 8 years ago

   Take this old line that begins so many gags, and make it your own...
   
   "A guy walks into a bar and..."

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      Jodahposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      ..receives a bad case of concussion.

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         cam8510posted 8 years agoin reply to this

         good one, John

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            kenneth averyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

            "make it a Lite beer for I am dieting."

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         2. 78

            DzyMsLizzyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

            Hahahaha---much like the one my hubby came up with;  A guy walks into a bar, and says, "Ouch!" 

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      Ashish Dadgaaposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      a guy walks into a bar and orders h2o :p

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      Review Wizardposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      ... fills his cup and sips his doze of wilderness.

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2. 92

   cam8510posted 8 years ago

   A man walks into a bar....ok, so he isn't a man, he's a length of rope. Anyway, he walks up to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "we don't serve your kind in here, so get out." The bouncer throws the rope into the back alley. The rope gets up, undeterred and brushes himself off. To disguise himself, he ties his head into a knot and messes up the ends of the rope fibers on top. He goes back inside and steps up to the bar. The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you the rope I just threw out of here?" The rope answers, "I'm a-frayed-knot."

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      Jodahposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      love it, Chris

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      DzyMsLizzyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      ROFL--**groan**  LOL  good one!

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      kenneth averyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      the author of the rope joke should think seriously
      about a career in stand-up.

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         cam8510posted 8 years agoin reply to this

         I heard the one I shared at the same time I heard this one.
         
         Jokester: Knock knock.
         
         Sucker: Who's there
         
         Jokester: The interrupting cow
         
         Sucker: The interrupt........MOOOOO (Jokester)
         
         That is by far the stupidest joke I have ever heard, and I love it.

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            kenneth averyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

            Alas, the Best bartender joke thus far . . .
            A skeleton walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "What can I get ya'?"
            Skelton replies, "a beer and a mop."
            Ba Boom!

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               DzyMsLizzyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

               ROFL!  That's a good one!

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                  kenneth averyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                  @Dzy,
                  One last classic bartender joke.
                  A baby giraffe stumbled into a bar and managed to get his
                  front hooves up on the bar which got the bartender's attention.
                  "Something for ya', pal," the bartender asked.
                  "Oh, how I wish I had a Long neck," the baby giraffe said.

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                     DzyMsLizzyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                     

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                        cam8510posted 8 years agoin reply to this

                        A Jewish Rabbi, a Baptist Preacher and a Muslim Cleric walked into a bar. The Rabbi said, "Is this a joke?"

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                           kenneth averyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                           LOL, cam8510

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                        kenneth averyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

                        @Dzy, thanks, thanks. Oh, I will be here all week. Be careful driving home.

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      Nell Roseposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      LOL!

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         kenneth averyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         @ Nell Rose, I thank you and I am assuming the thank you was at me? If not, I love you anyway.

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   Luke Holmposted 8 years ago

   ...obtains first person omniscience whereby he scolds the author for assuming his gender.  The author quickly changes the joke to include an androgynous character walking into a multipurpose lounge.  The character reverts back into the story, thereby obtaining its androgynous qualities, and finally orders a drink before reveling in its 21st century political correctness and witticisms.

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4. 59

   asifahsankhanposted 8 years ago

   
   
   .........and I happened to take the perfect snap at the perfect moment...

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      DzyMsLizzyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Oh, my goodness!  That's an "ouch" moment for sure! 

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         asifahsankhanposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Yeah!

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5. 95

   MizBejabbersposted 8 years ago

   Heard about the termite that walked into a bar and said:
   
   "Hey where's the bar tender?"
   
   
   Sorry, couldn't come up with a man.

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      asifahsankhanposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      It's good enough!

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6. 57

   bluesradioposted 8 years ago

   Oh I thought we playing Limbo, no one told me it was a track meet...

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      asifahsankhanposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      A guy walks in to a bar.....
      and guess what?
      
      It's T-1000 from Terminator 2 : |

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7. 91

   cheryloneposted 8 years ago

   A man walks into a bar and asks "who put that there?"

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      kenneth averyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      @cherylone,
      super joke, my friend.
      A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a vodka martini. The bartender thinking that the gorilla is just a dumb animal says, "that'll be $20 sir." When the gorilla hands him a twenty, the bartender, a wise man, thinks, I had better get him to talking and he won't notice the high price of that martini.
      "Uhhh, we don't get that many gorillas in here," said the bartender.
      The gorilla took a sip of his martini and replied,
      "At these prices I can see why."
      Ba Boom!

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      DzyMsLizzyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      

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   cam8510posted 8 years ago

   A dog walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve dogs in here, get out." With that, the bartender pulls a gun out from under the bar and shoots the dog in the foot. The dog left, but later returned. He sauntered up to the bar, glanced one way, then the other. "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."

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      MizBejabbersposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      Great one!

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         bluesradioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         His paw was totally devestated, and wanted to know whether it was his Ma that had committed this crime.....

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   asifahsankhanposted 8 years ago

   A man walks into a bar............
   
   .................and orders three beers.
   
   The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they're gone.
   
   He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I'll bring you a fresh one as soon as you're low."
   
   The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the Ireland. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night, we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers, too, and we're drinking together."
   
   The bartender thinks it's a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy's three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, "Knowing your tradition, I'd just like to just say that I'm sorry you've lost a brother."
   
   The man replies, "Oh, my brothers are fine -- I just quit drinking."

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      DzyMsLizzyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

      ROFL!!

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         bluesradioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

         Got to love that cute story....

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    cindyvineposted 8 years ago

    and splits his pants as he sits down, after hastily apologizing for knocking over the drink of the beautiful buxome blonde on his right.

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       kenneth averyposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       . . .not realizing that the buxome blonde is really an undercover ATF agent doing a stake-out on that area's most abusive bartenders . . .

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       bluesradioposted 8 years agoin reply to this

       Who wants to know whether he could have at least ordered her a gin and tonic, instead of the cheap budweiser

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