Take this old line that begins so many gags, and make it your own...
"A guy walks into a bar and..."
a guy walks into a bar and orders h2o :p
... fills his cup and sips his doze of wilderness.
A man walks into a bar....ok, so he isn't a man, he's a length of rope. Anyway, he walks up to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "we don't serve your kind in here, so get out." The bouncer throws the rope into the back alley. The rope gets up, undeterred and brushes himself off. To disguise himself, he ties his head into a knot and messes up the ends of the rope fibers on top. He goes back inside and steps up to the bar. The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you the rope I just threw out of here?" The rope answers, "I'm a-frayed-knot."
the author of the rope joke should think seriously
about a career in stand-up.
I heard the one I shared at the same time I heard this one.
Jokester: Knock knock.
Sucker: Who's there
Jokester: The interrupting cow
Sucker: The interrupt........MOOOOO (Jokester)
That is by far the stupidest joke I have ever heard, and I love it.
Alas, the Best bartender joke thus far . . .
A skeleton walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "What can I get ya'?"
Skelton replies, "a beer and a mop."
One last classic bartender joke.
A baby giraffe stumbled into a bar and managed to get his
front hooves up on the bar which got the bartender's attention.
"Something for ya', pal," the bartender asked.
"Oh, how I wish I had a Long neck," the baby giraffe said.
A Jewish Rabbi, a Baptist Preacher and a Muslim Cleric walked into a bar. The Rabbi said, "Is this a joke?"
@Dzy, thanks, thanks. Oh, I will be here all week. Be careful driving home.
...obtains first person omniscience whereby he scolds the author for assuming his gender. The author quickly changes the joke to include an androgynous character walking into a multipurpose lounge. The character reverts back into the story, thereby obtaining its androgynous qualities, and finally orders a drink before reveling in its 21st century political correctness and witticisms.
.........and I happened to take the perfect snap at the perfect moment...
Heard about the termite that walked into a bar and said:
"Hey where's the bar tender?"
Sorry, couldn't come up with a man.
Oh I thought we playing Limbo, no one told me it was a track meet...
super joke, my friend.
A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a vodka martini. The bartender thinking that the gorilla is just a dumb animal says, "that'll be $20 sir." When the gorilla hands him a twenty, the bartender, a wise man, thinks, I had better get him to talking and he won't notice the high price of that martini.
"Uhhh, we don't get that many gorillas in here," said the bartender.
The gorilla took a sip of his martini and replied,
"At these prices I can see why."
A dog walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve dogs in here, get out." With that, the bartender pulls a gun out from under the bar and shoots the dog in the foot. The dog left, but later returned. He sauntered up to the bar, glanced one way, then the other. "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
A man walks into a bar............
.................and orders three beers.
The bartender brings him the three beers, and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third, until they're gone.
He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one, and I'll bring you a fresh one as soon as you're low."
The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the Ireland. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night, we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three beers, too, and we're drinking together."
The bartender thinks it's a wonderful tradition, and every week he sets up the guy's three beers. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them and then orders two more. The bartender says sadly, "Knowing your tradition, I'd just like to just say that I'm sorry you've lost a brother."
The man replies, "Oh, my brothers are fine -- I just quit drinking."
and splits his pants as he sits down, after hastily apologizing for knocking over the drink of the beautiful buxome blonde on his right.
. . .not realizing that the buxome blonde is really an undercover ATF agent doing a stake-out on that area's most abusive bartenders . . .
Who wants to know whether he could have at least ordered her a gin and tonic, instead of the cheap budweiser
by nicomp really 3 years ago
A traveling salesman, a clown, a horse, and a midget walk into a bar...The bartender says "What is this? Some kind of a joke?"
by lizzieBoo 11 years ago
The old ones are the best ones: get joking!
by MountainManJake 9 years ago
What is the corniest joke you know?
by Liz Elias 11 years ago
Warning and Disclaimer:This joke is cute, but a little bit on the "off-color" side, although it contains not a single bad word, and nothing particularly graphic by way of description...it is only suggested and hinted at....Nonetheless, you have been warned, so don't read it, then complain...
by theIndecisiveGirl 11 years ago
Last night while at my neighborhood bar, I noticed a guy come in with one of the regulars. I tried to decipher If he was the regulars boyfriend and it seemed that he wasn't but I still wasn't sure. So after I pay my tab and finish off my last beer before i head of to another bar, he sits in the...
by TheSablirab 12 years ago
So here goes the first joke:A vampire walks into a coffee shop and asks the barista:"Do you have hot water?"the barista says that they do and asks the vampire why:"You're a vampire; you guys drink blood, right?"the vampire replies:"Of course we do; but I have this tampon to...
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