Last night while at my neighborhood bar, I noticed a guy come in with one of the regulars. I tried to decipher If he was the regulars boyfriend and it seemed that he wasn't but I still wasn't sure. So after I pay my tab and finish off my last beer before i head of to another bar, he sits in the chair next to me and we begin to play that awkward staring game, (you know the one when someone looks at you but when you look at them they look away)finally after about five minutes of that he introduces himself. Were chatting and totally hitting it off and then i do the dumbest thing i think i could do in that situation I tell him that im leaving but will probably be back. He looked very disappointed and told me how great it was to meet me and he hoped that he would still be there when i got back. So the whole drive to my next destination i kept telling myself to turn around ( i didn't) and when i did go back to the bar he was gone. My friend who was the bar tender told me it was clear he was into me and that i shouldn't have left. So today with the help of technology i rummaged through a few facebook profiles and found his. So my question is would it be completely creepy of me to send him a message with my number or should i just hope that ill run into him again?
Well....It would certainly come off as a little desperate. But, you were the one who had the encounter. You'd probably be the best judge of whether it would be OK or not.
Creepy or bold - I don't think it would put you in a real appealing light. If it had been one of those rare, overwhelming, love-at-first-sight things; he'd figure out a way to find you.
Since it apparently wasn't, it just kind of looks like meeting someone "reasonably appealing" is such a rarity for you that there's no way you just let it go and see what happens, or who else you meet, from here on. To me, it would be better to go back to the location of the meeting more often, hoping he might show up again; rather than "tracking him down online". (As it is, the bar setting kind of takes "points off" anyone someone meets; and you're the "anyone" that particular "someone" met at a bar, so you may already be at a little bit of "point disadvantage" in his eyes.. (IMO).
facebook rules (unofficial): unless the two of you either discussed facebook, or exchanged fb names, or one of you asked the other to friend them - avoid using facebook to reintroduce yourself - it would be kind of creepy. However, if you want more of him, go back to the bar around the same time of day you saw him before and see if he turns up and seems really, really glad to see you - perhaps he'll say, "I was hoping I would find you here!"
not creepy from a guy's pov. If a girl found me on FB.. I'd be flattered.
If she showed up at my house.. then I'd be freaked out.
Message him and say "Hey! Fancy bumping into you here (online)! We keep running into each other!"
Then when he asks (if he does)tell him you saw his profile from a friends page or a mutual fan page and thought it was him. If he doesn't ask.. dont bring it up and go with the flow!
Good advice R.S. Hutchinson! I would go for something like this as well!
However, 'theIndecisiveGirl' - if you want you could wait for a few days to see whether you do run into the guy again, if not, you could surely go for the advice mentioned above!
People are habitual - if he showed up and liked what he saw, he will probably stop by once or twice again just to see if he will bump into you. It's gone though my head to do that when I met someone that I thought was cute/hot/interesting. I thought "hey, I saw that person at (place I somewhat regularly go to). I haven't been there in a couple weeks, maybe I will see that cute/hot/interesting woman again".
That is exactly what my husband did 23 years ago...he saw me across the room(in a BAR!), but he had to leave. So he came back another time, and I was there, and we connected immediately...it didn't even occur to either one of us to take any points off because we were both in a bar.
We were married two months later, and now have three kids(I already had the first two) and four grandkids...
So that's what I suggest--go back to this place, and see if he turns up again. It may not work out like our situation did, but you just never know...
I disagree with most of the other responses here. Life is too short to sit around and hope he might contact you.
In my opinion you really don't have anything to lose by adding him on Facebook.
You never know, he might be the one, why not take a chance?
Ok, here, indecisivegirl, I have read your situation and all of the answers beneath it. After careful consideration, I feel that most of the men's answers are the best. After all, you're getting their point of view. Life IS short. BUT you don't want to be a dang stalker either, so you can do this. Do that facebook thing, but don't do it right away. Wait at least a week before you contact him there. In the meantime, go back to the bar where you first met on the same day and time. It wouldn't hurt to ask about him to the bartender if it's a regular bartender, the same one that worked that night. Ask if he comes in regularly, does the bartender know who you are talking about, etc. Hang out at the bar for a few weeks on the same night that he was there. Ask around a little about him. If no luck, then do the facebook thing very casual like. We women have our ways of getting what we want without the men ever knowing that we are doing it, it just has to be very subtle, at least from the guy's viewpoint.
Trust me! This is what you do... stalk him on facebook and as soon as he writes something like - "Headin' out to Miller's Ale House with some friends tonight." You show up!! TA-DAAA!!! Problem solved!
- - - - It's not really stalking if it's online, I think - - - -
Damn a bunch of old fashioned rules and game playing. If you are interested in the guy send him a message and mention you enjoyed the conversation It seems everyone has a FB account these days. Everyone uses this form of communication these days. If he was into you he will appreciate the contact. Why sit around waiting for him to find you. What's the worst that could happen? He might not reply and then again, he might have been wondering how to find you. This is no different than the old double standard that a girl shouldn't call a guy. Why the hell not? I thought the whole equality thing had been settled a long time ago.
I'm sorry but sitting around a bar waiting for someone who's only been in once to reappear is a little lame. It's easy to explain that you were on a freinds page and noticed him again. You enjoyed the conversation and were a little later getting back than you thought you would be. Invite him to have a drink somewhere else and explain you just want to get to know him better. It never bothered me when a woman contacted me and to be honest, I usually take it as a compliment. Unless your planning on asking the guy to marry you over drinks at your first meeting,. I say go for it.
It's not necessarily a double standard. Some people (I'm one) think it would be creepy if the guy went and found her on Facebook too. There's just something a "little too stalky" about that. (Besides, who's that friend she's going to tell him has a page that she saw him on? Does she have to make up a friend and lie to him?)
I still like the "go lurk at the bar more often" approach.
What have you got to lose? But only if you're sure you didn't have a booger hangin' out or something when he was looking at you surreptitiously? (I hope this post doesn't ruin the mens good record giving advice on this thread.)
I'm with the 'go for it' crowd. If he doesn't want any further contact, I'm sure he'll let you know. Pretty sure he would be excited to hear from you as long as it was just a brief 'hi' and 'wanna go out sometime'. Then the ball is in his court.
If you do see him on fbook, just send him a quick message. Dont friend him, just message him. If he messages back and friends you, go from there. If he suggests meeting up and youre interested, do that. But of course meet in a familiar place. Dont offer your number until you see him in person again. But if youre seriously as interested as you seem to be, there's no point in just waiting around for him to show up in the same bar again.
FB message him with something not as direct as your number. More like "Why are you FB stalking me " something flirty, witty but not overtly desperate
I see no reason at all why you can't just chat him on Facebook - even admit directly that you fancy him. No need for game playing, life is too short.
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