I'd like feedback on my article: The Most Affordable Way to Travel to Camotes...

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  1. eirofficial3112 profile image65
    eirofficial3112posted 7 years ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article The Most Affordable Way to Travel to Camotes Island in Cebu, Philippines. What can I do to improve? Thanks!

    replyreport
  2. Jeremy Gill profile image78
    Jeremy Gillposted 7 years ago

    Here are my ideas:

    1) Reword awkward sentences like "Starting from porcelain sands to clear turquoise water, the scenery that each of these islands gives certainly would capture anyone's heart." Another example: "Not to mention, the fun and exciting experience you'll get along the way on your vacation."
    2) You have a tendency to lengthen sentences with unneeded words. For instance, lose your "then" and "certainly" here: "Now that you've read a few of the travel tips, then you are certainly ready to head out to your destination."
    3) I like your fare listing table, although adding a column converting the figures to more-conventional English dollars would be helpful. I think I speak for many when I say I don't know the difference between 200 and 220 Phps.

    Main thing here is proofreading; try to get a natural flow to your sentences. Good luck!

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    1. theraggededge profile image83
      theraggededgeposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      English dollars? big_smile

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      1. Jeremy Gill profile image78
        Jeremy Gillposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        Lol, American dollars from people speaking English... crystal clear, right? : )

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        1. eirofficial3112 profile image65
          eirofficial3112posted 7 years agoin reply to this

          Hahahaha. Just noticed it. Though I understand it anyway.

          replyreport
  3. eirofficial3112 profile image65
    eirofficial3112posted 7 years ago

    Thanks. I'll try that.

    replyreport
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