New Joke--a Real Groaner

1. 86

   DzyMsLizzyposted 6 years ago

   My daughter made this one up!  Groan!  (And can you believe, she has a teenage daughter herself!)
   
   Why did the woman use hand sanitizer before driving?
   
   
   
   Ready?.....
   
   
   
   She wanted to have a clean driving record!
   
   
   
   Let's hear it:  altogether, now, G-R-O-A-N-N-N-N ! ! ! !

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   1. 80

      kenneth averyposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      @Dzy, Sssssss, Ba Boom! Sound of cymbal and snare drum. Not bad. But seriously, folks. I am so tired. I flew here tonight. Man, are my arms tired.

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   2. 69

      tritrainposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      How could you have a teen age daughter?  You're barely out of high school yourself!
      
      Good joke!

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2. 59

   paradigmsearchposted 6 years ago

   My sister had a baby this morning. Haven't found out yet whether boy or girl, so still don't know if I'm an aunt or an uncle.

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   1. 80

      kenneth averyposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      LOL!

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   2. 86

      DzyMsLizzyposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      ROFL!

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      1. 80

         kenneth averyposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         @Dzy,
         A grizzly bear walks into a bar. The bartender asks, May I help you?
         Bear says, got any Human Skin Rugs for my cave?
         (a change-up to honor the World Series--Go, Astros!)

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3. 0

   Bob Bambergposted 6 years ago

   What's the difference between avian flu and swine flu?
     With avian flue, you need tweetment
     With swine flue, you need oinkment

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   1. 96

      theraggededgeposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      If you have flue, you need a chimney sweep

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      1. 86

         DzyMsLizzyposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         

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4. 95

   Sustainable Sueposted 6 years ago

   Why can't a cat tell a dog a knock-knock joke?
   
   Because when the cat says, "Knock knock!"
   
   The dog goes, "Barkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark. Woofwoofwoofwooofwoofbarkbark!"

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   1. 80

      kenneth averyposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Love All of These Hilariious Ditties.

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5. 0

   Ivan Hernandezposted 6 years ago

   Why can't we see the moon during a solar eclipse?
   
   OH MY GOD!!! IT'S TOO BRIGHT!! MY EYES!! I'M BLIND!!!!

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6. 84

   k@riposted 6 years ago

   What do you call the happiest girl in the world? 
   
   Gladys
   Yuck, Yuck, Yuck 

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   1. 80

      kenneth averyposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      k@ri, I think that HP should give you some type of award for posting a joke like this that is so funny . . .

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7. 60

   Ashleykarloskyposted 6 years ago

   um....

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8. 87

   Jan Saintsposted 6 years ago

   For those who haven't come across this,
   >>>>>
   Mother: What does IDK means?
   Daughter: I Don't Know
   Mother: OK, I'll ask your brother.
   <<<<<<

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   1. 80

      kenneth averyposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      at Jan! I loved it!

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9. 70

   shanmarieposted 6 years ago

   I love good cheesy joke.  Thanks,  folks,  for the smiles.

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   1. 80

      kenneth averyposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      @shanmarie, count me in!

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   2. 86

      DzyMsLizzyposted 6 years agoin reply to this

      Cheesy joke?  Pass the crackers!

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      1. 80

         kenneth averyposted 6 years agoin reply to this

         Saltines, if you please Now let me do some Hip Hop slang:
         Saltines if you Pleez!!!! Yo!

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         1. 86

            DzyMsLizzyposted 6 years agoin reply to this

            Hip hop?  then I must correct you to, "Salteenz" 

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            1. 80

               kenneth averyposted 6 years agoin reply to this

               @Dzy, LOL! Good one! Errr, I mean, Word!

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10. 91

    Mamertoposted 6 years ago

    Send my thanks to your daughter, this thread brightened my day

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11. 88

    MizBejabbersposted 6 years ago

    Did you know that England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool?
    
    Really enjoyed this thread, too. I miss our old joke telling sessions in person now that everything's on social media.

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    1. 80

       kenneth averyposted 6 years agoin reply to this

       LOL! MizBejabbers.
       Did you also hear about a startling Physical Body fact: There is NO crime inside the Human Body because it has Lots of Cells.

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       1. 86

          DzyMsLizzyposted 6 years agoin reply to this

          **facepalm**  LOL
          
          Okay; here's another one for you.  I made this one up, so my younger daughter has learned from the best--errrr--corniest! 
          
          Q.  What do waitresses and dentists have in common?
          
          
          
          A.  They both ask you questions when your mouth is full!
          
          

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             kenneth averyposted 6 years agoin reply to this

             @Dzy <3 one of your Best!

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12. 82

    Coffeequeeenposted 6 years ago

    Lol, your daughters joke made me laugh.  I like the dentist joke too!

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13. 86

    DzyMsLizzyposted 6 years ago

    A fellow goes into a coffee shop, orders breakfast and coffee.
    Apparently, the shop has been having trouble with customers swiping the sugar packets, so when the guy asks for sugar, the waitress reaches inside her blouse, and hands him a couple of packets.
    She then asks him "Cream?"
    He says, "You wouldn't dare!!"

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    1. 59

       paradigmsearchposted 6 years agoin reply to this

       Worthy of email sends and Facebook posts.

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    2. 80

       kenneth averyposted 6 years agoin reply to this

       I feel faint . . .

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14. 91

    UnnamedHaraldposted 6 years ago

    What's brown and sounds like a bell?
    
    Dung.

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15. 92

    FatFreddysCatposted 6 years ago

    Q: What does a vegan zombie eat?
    A: "Graaaaaiiins!"

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    1. 80

       kenneth averyposted 6 years agoin reply to this

       How do you defend yourself from a Vegan Werewolf?
       Hold up a Ribye!

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