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New Joke--a Real Groaner

  1. DzyMsLizzy profile image97
    DzyMsLizzyposted 3 months ago

    My daughter made this one up!  Groan!  (And can you believe, she has a teenage daughter herself!)

    Why did the woman use hand sanitizer before driving?



    Ready?.....



    She wanted to have a clean driving record!



    Let's hear it:  altogether, now, G-R-O-A-N-N-N-N ! ! ! !

    1. kenneth avery profile image84
      kenneth averyposted 3 months agoin reply to this

      @Dzy, Sssssss, Ba Boom! Sound of cymbal and snare drum. Not bad. But seriously, folks. I am so tired. I flew here tonight. Man, are my arms tired.

    2. tritrain profile image84
      tritrainposted 3 months agoin reply to this

      How could you have a teen age daughter?  You're barely out of high school yourself!

      Good joke!

  2. paradigmsearch profile image92
    paradigmsearchposted 3 months ago

    My sister had a baby this morning. Haven't found out yet whether boy or girl, so still don't know if I'm an aunt or an uncle.

    1. kenneth avery profile image84
      kenneth averyposted 3 months agoin reply to this

      LOL!

    2. DzyMsLizzy profile image97
      DzyMsLizzyposted 3 months agoin reply to this

      ROFL!

      1. kenneth avery profile image84
        kenneth averyposted 3 months agoin reply to this

        @Dzy,
        A grizzly bear walks into a bar. The bartender asks, May I help you?
        Bear says, got any Human Skin Rugs for my cave?
        (a change-up to honor the World Series--Go, Astros!)

  3. Bob Bamberg profile image95
    Bob Bambergposted 3 months ago

    What's the difference between avian flu and swine flu?
      With avian flue, you need tweetment
      With swine flue, you need oinkment

    1. theraggededge profile image98
      theraggededgeposted 3 months agoin reply to this

      If you have flue, you need a chimney sweep smile

      1. DzyMsLizzy profile image97
        DzyMsLizzyposted 2 weeks agoin reply to this

        lol

  4. Sustainable Sue profile image97
    Sustainable Sueposted 3 months ago

    Why can't a cat tell a dog a knock-knock joke?

    Because when the cat says, "Knock knock!"

    The dog goes, "Barkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark. Woofwoofwoofwooofwoofbarkbark!"

    1. kenneth avery profile image84
      kenneth averyposted 2 weeks agoin reply to this

      smile Love All of These Hilariious Ditties.

  5. Ivan Hernandez profile image93
    Ivan Hernandezposted 3 months ago

    Why can't we see the moon during a solar eclipse?

    OH MY GOD!!! IT'S TOO BRIGHT!! MY EYES!! I'M BLIND!!!!

  6. k@ri profile image89
    k@riposted 3 months ago

    What do you call the happiest girl in the world? 

    Gladys
    Yuck, Yuck, Yuck  big_smile

    1. kenneth avery profile image84
      kenneth averyposted 3 months agoin reply to this

      k@ri, I think that HP should give you some type of award for posting a joke like this that is so funny . . .

  7. profile image60
    Ashleykarloskyposted 3 months ago

    um....

  8. Jan Saints profile image88
    Jan Saintsposted 3 months ago

    For those who haven't come across this,
    >>>>>
    Mother: What does IDK means?
    Daughter: I Don't Know
    Mother: OK, I'll ask your brother.
    <<<<<<

    1. kenneth avery profile image84
      kenneth averyposted 3 months agoin reply to this

      smile at Jan! I loved it!

  9. shanmarie profile image79
    shanmarieposted 3 months ago

    I love good cheesy joke.  Thanks,  folks,  for the smiles.

    1. kenneth avery profile image84
      kenneth averyposted 3 months agoin reply to this

      @shanmarie, count me in!

    2. DzyMsLizzy profile image97
      DzyMsLizzyposted 3 months agoin reply to this

      Cheesy joke?  Pass the crackers! lol

      1. kenneth avery profile image84
        kenneth averyposted 3 months agoin reply to this

        Saltines, if you please smile Now let me do some Hip Hop slang:
        Saltines if you Pleez!!!! Yo!

        1. DzyMsLizzy profile image97
          DzyMsLizzyposted 3 months agoin reply to this

          Hip hop?  then I must correct you to, "Salteenz"  lol

          1. kenneth avery profile image84
            kenneth averyposted 3 months agoin reply to this

            smile @Dzy, LOL! Good one! Errr, I mean, Word!

  10. Mamerto profile image93
    Mamertoposted 3 months ago

    Send my thanks to your daughter, this thread brightened my day smile

  11. MizBejabbers profile image92
    MizBejabbersposted 3 months ago

    Did you know that England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool?

    Really enjoyed this thread, too. I miss our old joke telling sessions in person now that everything's on social media.

    1. kenneth avery profile image84
      kenneth averyposted 3 months agoin reply to this

      LOL! MizBejabbers.
      Did you also hear about a startling Physical Body fact: There is NO crime inside the Human Body because it has Lots of Cells.

      1. DzyMsLizzy profile image97
        DzyMsLizzyposted 3 months agoin reply to this

        **facepalm**  LOL

        Okay; here's another one for you.  I made this one up, so my younger daughter has learned from the best--errrr--corniest!  lol

        Q.  What do waitresses and dentists have in common?



        A.  They both ask you questions when your mouth is full!

        lol

        1. kenneth avery profile image84
          kenneth averyposted 3 months agoin reply to this

          @Dzy smile <3 one of your Best!

  12. Coffeequeeen profile image83
    Coffeequeeenposted 3 months ago

    Lol, your daughters joke made me laugh.  I like the dentist joke too!

  13. DzyMsLizzy profile image97
    DzyMsLizzyposted 2 weeks ago

    A fellow goes into a coffee shop, orders breakfast and coffee.
    Apparently, the shop has been having trouble with customers swiping the sugar packets, so when the guy asks for sugar, the waitress reaches inside her blouse, and hands him a couple of packets.
    She then asks him "Cream?"
    He says, "You wouldn't dare!!"

    1. paradigmsearch profile image92
      paradigmsearchposted 2 weeks agoin reply to this

      Worthy of email sends and Facebook posts. big_smile

    2. kenneth avery profile image84
      kenneth averyposted 2 weeks agoin reply to this

      I feel faint . . .

  14. UnnamedHarald profile image98
    UnnamedHaraldposted 2 weeks ago

    What's brown and sounds like a bell?

    Dung.

  15. FatFreddysCat profile image99
    FatFreddysCatposted 2 weeks ago

    Q: What does a vegan zombie eat?
    A: "Graaaaaiiins!"

    1. kenneth avery profile image84
      kenneth averyposted 2 weeks agoin reply to this

      How do you defend yourself from a Vegan Werewolf?
      Hold up a Ribye!

 
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