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New Joke--a Real Groaner

  1. DzyMsLizzy profile image97
    DzyMsLizzyposted 3 weeks ago

    My daughter made this one up!  Groan!  (And can you believe, she has a teenage daughter herself!)

    Why did the woman use hand sanitizer before driving?



    Ready?.....



    She wanted to have a clean driving record!



    Let's hear it:  altogether, now, G-R-O-A-N-N-N-N ! ! ! !

    1. kenneth avery profile image85
      kenneth averyposted 3 weeks agoin reply to this

      @Dzy, Sssssss, Ba Boom! Sound of cymbal and snare drum. Not bad. But seriously, folks. I am so tired. I flew here tonight. Man, are my arms tired.

    2. tritrain profile image83
      tritrainposted 2 weeks agoin reply to this

      How could you have a teen age daughter?  You're barely out of high school yourself!

      Good joke!

  2. paradigmsearch profile image94
    paradigmsearchposted 3 weeks ago

    My sister had a baby this morning. Haven't found out yet whether boy or girl, so still don't know if I'm an aunt or an uncle.

    1. kenneth avery profile image85
      kenneth averyposted 3 weeks agoin reply to this

      LOL!

    2. DzyMsLizzy profile image97
      DzyMsLizzyposted 3 weeks agoin reply to this

      ROFL!

      1. kenneth avery profile image85
        kenneth averyposted 3 weeks agoin reply to this

        @Dzy,
        A grizzly bear walks into a bar. The bartender asks, May I help you?
        Bear says, got any Human Skin Rugs for my cave?
        (a change-up to honor the World Series--Go, Astros!)

  3. Bob Bamberg profile image96
    Bob Bambergposted 3 weeks ago

    What's the difference between avian flu and swine flu?
      With avian flue, you need tweetment
      With swine flue, you need oinkment

    1. theraggededge profile image99
      theraggededgeposted 3 weeks agoin reply to this

      If you have flue, you need a chimney sweep smile

  4. Sustainable Sue profile image99
    Sustainable Sueposted 3 weeks ago

    Why can't a cat tell a dog a knock-knock joke?

    Because when the cat says, "Knock knock!"

    The dog goes, "Barkbarkbarkbarkbarkbarkbark. Woofwoofwoofwooofwoofbarkbark!"

  5. Ivan Hernandez profile image90
    Ivan Hernandezposted 3 weeks ago

    Why can't we see the moon during a solar eclipse?

    OH MY GOD!!! IT'S TOO BRIGHT!! MY EYES!! I'M BLIND!!!!

  6. k@ri profile image87
    k@riposted 3 weeks ago

    What do you call the happiest girl in the world? 

    Gladys
    Yuck, Yuck, Yuck  big_smile

    1. kenneth avery profile image85
      kenneth averyposted 3 weeks agoin reply to this

      k@ri, I think that HP should give you some type of award for posting a joke like this that is so funny . . .

  7. profile image60
    Ashleykarloskyposted 3 weeks ago

    um....

  8. Jan Saints profile image89
    Jan Saintsposted 3 weeks ago

    For those who haven't come across this,
    >>>>>
    Mother: What does IDK means?
    Daughter: I Don't Know
    Mother: OK, I'll ask your brother.
    <<<<<<

    1. kenneth avery profile image85
      kenneth averyposted 3 weeks agoin reply to this

      smile at Jan! I loved it!

  9. shanmarie profile image80
    shanmarieposted 3 weeks ago

    I love good cheesy joke.  Thanks,  folks,  for the smiles.

    1. kenneth avery profile image85
      kenneth averyposted 3 weeks agoin reply to this

      @shanmarie, count me in!

    2. DzyMsLizzy profile image97
      DzyMsLizzyposted 3 weeks agoin reply to this

      Cheesy joke?  Pass the crackers! lol

      1. kenneth avery profile image85
        kenneth averyposted 3 weeks agoin reply to this

        Saltines, if you please smile Now let me do some Hip Hop slang:
        Saltines if you Pleez!!!! Yo!

        1. DzyMsLizzy profile image97
          DzyMsLizzyposted 3 weeks agoin reply to this

          Hip hop?  then I must correct you to, "Salteenz"  lol

          1. kenneth avery profile image85
            kenneth averyposted 3 weeks agoin reply to this

            smile @Dzy, LOL! Good one! Errr, I mean, Word!

  10. Mamerto profile image91
    Mamertoposted 3 weeks ago

    Send my thanks to your daughter, this thread brightened my day smile

  11. MizBejabbers profile image89
    MizBejabbersposted 2 weeks ago

    Did you know that England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool?

    Really enjoyed this thread, too. I miss our old joke telling sessions in person now that everything's on social media.

    1. kenneth avery profile image85
      kenneth averyposted 2 weeks agoin reply to this

      LOL! MizBejabbers.
      Did you also hear about a startling Physical Body fact: There is NO crime inside the Human Body because it has Lots of Cells.

      1. DzyMsLizzy profile image97
        DzyMsLizzyposted 2 weeks agoin reply to this

        **facepalm**  LOL

        Okay; here's another one for you.  I made this one up, so my younger daughter has learned from the best--errrr--corniest!  lol

        Q.  What do waitresses and dentists have in common?



        A.  They both ask you questions when your mouth is full!

        lol

        1. kenneth avery profile image85
          kenneth averyposted 2 weeks agoin reply to this

          @Dzy smile <3 one of your Best!

  12. Coffeequeeen profile image84
    Coffeequeeenposted 2 weeks ago

    Lol, your daughters joke made me laugh.  I like the dentist joke too!

 
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