Why are brides always unlucky?
Because they never marry the Best Man!
"This horse walks into a bar..."
that's it. I'm already chuckling at the thought of a horse walking into a bar, sidling up on a bar stool ordering a tall frosty glass of beer, maybe
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?
Santa Claus stops after 3 ho's.
What's the difference between broccoli and boogers?
Kids won't eat broccoli.
a termite walks into a bar and shouts,
"is the bar tender here"
This is a joke that my sister-in-law came up with when she was about 5. We still tease her about it:
Why did the alligator go up and down?
Because it didn't fall.
How do you get a one armed irish man out of a tree?
Just wave to him!
how an awkward indian conversation starts
"dog gone"..... other, "how"
There are some good ones there!
Why can't penguins fly?
Because they can't afford the ticket for the plane!
What's the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits a windscreen?
What did one saggy tit say to another saggy tit?
If we don't get some support soon, people will think we are nuts.
I can't face my problem because my problem is my face
A men was cutting side of capsule before taking it.
His Friend ask him why are you doing so????
He replied:-"TO AVOID SIDE EFFECTS"....!!
"If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?"
I love George Carlin!
I love a good blonde joke. So Please don't be offended!
A beautiful blonde haired lady is walking down a country road.
She sees another beatiful Blonde lady out in the middle of a cornfield in a rowboat, paddeling away.
She yells out to her. What the heck are you doing!
The other lady yells back. Trying to get to shore!
The first lady yells out to her. You know. It's Blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! And, if I could swim I would swim out there and kick your ass!
Here's another dumb one my dad told me when I was a kid. You almost have to hear it to get it.
There is a funeral home at the top of a big hill that leads into town. They are putting an old man's coffin in the back of the funeral car, when the coffin slips their grasp and begins rolling down the hill. The men chase it down the hill.
The coffin pics up speed, and begins to head into town. The men obviously need help, so they run into a near by pharmacy, and they see a guy in a white coat behind the counter.
he says can I help you?
They tell him. Yeah! We need help stopping a coffin!
He replies. Do you want regular or Menthol?
i have one. a student asks to spend the night at his teachers house, and she says only if he gets good grades in school. he does, so she allows him to sleep over at her house. he then asks if he could sleep in the same bed with her, since he claims his mom always lets him sleep in bed with her.
seeing no harm, she agrees again. then the boy asks if he could put his finger in her belly button while they sleep, since he says his mom lets him do it all the time, and it would make him feel more at home. Again, the teacher agrees.
however, she woke up and replied, "hey that's not my belly button!" as she looked at the boy shocked. then the boy replied, "i know, and that's not my finger." i'll let you all guess what was implied or what happened in that joke.
me and my friends used to laugh about that back in grades school.
why did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the other side.
This is in bad taste I know, but I figured its a bad joke thread...
When Michael Jackson died why did he have himself melted down into Legos?
So that kids could continue to play with him
Hi here is two good and silly jokes for you:
Little Willy had a stern old aunt who was hell-bent on
teaching him right from wrong.
"When I was young," she lectured, "my Mother told me that
if I pulled a funny or nasty face and the wind suddenly
changed, that my face would stay like that."
"Well," commented the bored Willy, "It's a pity that you
took no notice of her Aunty."
That is the first one.
A woman was disgusted with her husband regularly coming
home from the pub a little worse for wear,so she decided
a good fright might cure his bad habits.
Dressing in a ghostly sheet, she accosted him as he
staggered home in the semi-darkness.
"I am the devil." She shrieked, "Come to bring a living
hell into your alcoholic existence."
"What a coincidech", mumbled the man,
"I think I may be married to your sishter."
Do you like these jokes? from Beautybabe
So what do you get if you cross a poodle and two chickens?
Get ready to go ewwwww
A farmer has a goat. His goat gets crossed eyes and it effects his milk. So the farmer calls the vet out to have a look at his goat. The vet looks at the goat and says "I can cure your goats crossed eyes". The vet takes a straw and sticks it up the goats anus and blows. The goats eyes pop back straight. After a time the goats eyes go crossed again and the farmer calls out the vet again. The vet looks at the goat and gets his straw out, sticks it up the goats anus and blows. The farmer says "hey let me have a try!" The farmer takes the straw out of the goats anus and turns it around and puts the other end back in the goat and blows. The vet asks "Why did you take the straw out and turn it around?" The farmer replies "I didn't want to catch your germs!"
What did one saggy breast say to the other?
United (by bra) we stand, divided we fall
I dream of the day when the chicken crosses the road with out havin to justify it's actions....LOLOLOL
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side. Why did the elephant cross the road?
Cos it was the chickens day off.
Why did the Koala cross the road?
Chickens day off and the elephant was sick.
One more here:
Two moles were coming up one behind the other from underground and emerged on a heap of molasses. The first one asked "Do you smell molasses?" The one behind said, "No. I smell only mole's ass!"
What did Mary Christmas say when Santa asked Rudolph for a weather forecast?
Tonite in the sky there will be only Rain dear.
Why are there no medicines in the jungle?
Becsaue the parrots-eat-em-all !
An elderly couple goes to the doctor for their yearly checkups. Each goes into the examining room separately, first the wife than the Husband. Each of them checks out quite well and the Doctor asks each if they are having any issues.
The old woman says that she feels just wonderful and has no problems.
The old man tells the doctor “I feel pretty good, but I have one problem that’s bothering me. The first time I have sex with my wife I break out in chills, the second time I sweat like crazy.”
The doctor says “well let me think about it, please send your wife back in.”
The wife comes back in and the doctor asks her about her husbands issue.
The old lady just starts chuckling, “ What the old bastard didn’t tell you was the first time was in January, the second time was in August!”
My dad always told us kids--- "Give a guy luck, and crap will do for brains!!"
Why did everyone call the two year old a skin head?
Because he tied his shoes with little knotsies..
by nicomp really 18 months ago
A traveling salesman, a clown, a horse, and a midget walk into a bar...The bartender says "What is this? Some kind of a joke?"
by Liz Elias 3 years ago
My daughter made this one up! Groan! (And can you believe, she has a teenage daughter herself!)Why did the woman use hand sanitizer before driving?Ready?.....She wanted to have a clean driving record!Let's hear it: altogether, now, G-R-O-A-N-N-N-N ! ! ! !
by Cecil Kenmill 5 years ago
What's the worst joke you've ever heard?A buddy of mine emailed me this joke that was so cheesy, corny and tacky. Help me get him back! Clean humor only. If you wouldn't tell your grandma your joke then save it for another time. Oh, what's the joke he told me? You don't want to hear it but I'll...
by Liz Elias 9 years ago
Warning and Disclaimer:This joke is cute, but a little bit on the "off-color" side, although it contains not a single bad word, and nothing particularly graphic by way of description...it is only suggested and hinted at....Nonetheless, you have been warned, so don't read it, then complain...
by Martin Heeremans 6 years ago
I know everyone has that one hilarious joke they use which will always get a good laugh out of everyone in the local vicinity.I'll start.A new Commander is sent to take over a command of a post in a remote location.On his entrance he spots a donkey tied to a rope behind the barracks. Unsure as to...
by Blake Atkinson 9 years ago
What's your best (clean) joke?I would offer mine, but then again that's why I'm asking...
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