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Share a stupid joke....

  1. kirstenblog profile image75
    kirstenblogposted 7 years ago

    Why are brides always unlucky?
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    Because they never marry the Best Man! tongue

    1. profile image0
      cosetteposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      "This horse walks into a bar..."

      that's it. I'm already chuckling at the thought of a horse walking into a bar, sidling up on a bar stool ordering a tall frosty glass of beer, maybe wink

      1. Mikel G Roberts profile image87
        Mikel G Robertsposted 7 years ago in reply to this

        and the bartender asks...."why the long face?"  wink

  2. Betty Reid profile image61
    Betty Reidposted 7 years ago

    What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?




    Santa Claus stops after 3 ho's.

    1. DogSiDaed profile image61
      DogSiDaedposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Damn I wanted to do that one!

    2. lightning john profile image61
      lightning johnposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Now thats funny!

  3. rmcrayne profile image94
    rmcrayneposted 7 years ago

    What's the difference between broccoli and boogers? 







    Kids won't eat broccoli.

    1. sooner than later profile image57
      sooner than laterposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      smile

  4. profile image0
    L. Andrew Marrposted 7 years ago

    A man walks into a bar -








    Ouch.

    1. profile image0
      sarah dawkinsposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      Hahaha, cos it was an iron bar.......bu....bum...

  5. Bill Manning profile image71
    Bill Manningposted 7 years ago

    My pony has a sore throat.










    Yeah, he's a little horse!

  6. sooner than later profile image57
    sooner than laterposted 7 years ago

    a termite walks into a bar and shouts,
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    "is the bar tender here"

  7. NaomiR profile image88
    NaomiRposted 7 years ago

    This is a joke that my sister-in-law came up with when she was about 5. We still tease her about it:

    Why did the alligator go up and down?

    Because it didn't fall.

  8. waynet profile image47
    waynetposted 7 years ago

    How do you get a one armed irish man out of a tree?






    Just wave to him!

  9. sooner than later profile image57
    sooner than laterposted 7 years ago

    how an awkward indian conversation starts
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    "dog gone"..... other, "how"

  10. profile image53
    rialeeposted 7 years ago

    What did the 0(zero) say to the 8? Nice belt...
    c'mon larf

  11. kirstenblog profile image75
    kirstenblogposted 7 years ago

    There are some good ones there! lol

    Why can't penguins fly?








    Because they can't afford the ticket for the plane!

  12. kirstenblog profile image75
    kirstenblogposted 7 years ago

    What is a penguins favorite fast food?








    Ice-burgers!

  13. profile image0
    sarah dawkinsposted 7 years ago

    What's the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits a windscreen?

    Its arse.......




    What did one saggy tit say to another saggy tit?

    If we don't get some support soon, people will think we are nuts.

  14. alexandriaruthk profile image51
    alexandriaruthkposted 7 years ago

    I can't face my problem because my problem is my face

    1. kirstenblog profile image75
      kirstenblogposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      lol

  15. lovelife999 profile image61
    lovelife999posted 7 years ago

    A men was cutting side of capsule before taking it.
    His Friend ask him why are you doing so????
    He replied:-"TO AVOID SIDE EFFECTS"....!!

    1. alexandriaruthk profile image51
      alexandriaruthkposted 7 years ago in reply to this

      hehe

  16. profile image0
    cosetteposted 7 years ago

    big_smile

    sublime. smile

  17. PrettyPanther profile image84
    PrettyPantherposted 7 years ago

    "If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?"

    I love George Carlin!

  18. brimancandy profile image83
    brimancandyposted 7 years ago

    I love a good blonde joke. So Please don't be offended!

    A beautiful blonde haired lady is walking down a country road.
    She sees another beatiful Blonde lady out in the middle of a cornfield in a rowboat, paddeling away.

    She yells out to her. What the heck are you doing!

    The other lady yells back. Trying to get to shore!

    The first lady yells out to her. You know. It's Blondes like you that give the rest of us a bad name! And, if I could swim I would swim out there and kick your ass!

  19. brimancandy profile image83
    brimancandyposted 7 years ago

    Here's another dumb one my dad told me when I was a kid. You almost have to hear it to get it.

    There is a funeral home at the top of a big hill that leads into town. They are putting an old man's coffin in the back of the funeral car, when the coffin slips their grasp and begins rolling down the hill. The men chase it down the hill.

    The coffin pics up speed, and begins to head into town. The men obviously need help, so they run into a near by pharmacy, and they see a guy in a white coat behind the counter.

    he says can I help you?

    They tell him. Yeah! We need help stopping a coffin!

    He replies. Do you want regular or Menthol?

  20. Stevennix2001 profile image84
    Stevennix2001posted 7 years ago

    i have one.  a student asks to spend the night at his teachers house, and she says only if he gets good grades in school.  he does, so she allows him to sleep over at her house.  he then asks if he could sleep in the same bed with her, since he claims his mom always lets him sleep in bed with her. 

    seeing no harm, she agrees again.  then the boy asks if he could put his finger in her belly button while they sleep, since he says his mom lets him do it all the time, and it would make him feel more at home.  Again, the teacher agrees. 

    however, she woke up and replied, "hey that's not my belly button!" as she looked at the boy shocked.  then the boy replied, "i know, and that's not my finger."  i'll let you all guess what was implied or what happened in that joke.  wink lol 

    me and my friends used to laugh about that back in grades school.  lol

  21. Stevennix2001 profile image84
    Stevennix2001posted 7 years ago

    why did the chicken cross the road?










    to get to the other side.

  22. dave272727 profile image61
    dave272727posted 7 years ago

    four guys ran into a bar







    The 5th one ducked

  23. dave272727 profile image61
    dave272727posted 7 years ago

    This is in bad taste I know, but I figured its a bad joke thread...


    When Michael Jackson died why did he have himself melted down into Legos?



    So that kids could continue to play with him

  24. BEAUTYBABE profile image75
    BEAUTYBABEposted 7 years ago

    Hi here is two good and silly jokes for you:

        Little Willy had a stern old aunt who was hell-bent on
        teaching him right from wrong.

        "When I was young," she lectured, "my Mother told me that
         if I pulled a funny or nasty face and the wind suddenly
         changed, that my face would stay like that."
         "Well," commented the bored Willy, "It's a pity that you
         took no notice of her Aunty."

        That is the first one.

         No.2
           A woman was disgusted with her husband regularly coming
           home from the pub a little worse for wear,so she decided
           a good fright might cure his bad habits.
           Dressing in a ghostly sheet, she accosted him as he
           staggered home in the semi-darkness.
           "I am the devil." She shrieked, "Come to bring a living
           hell into your alcoholic existence."
           "What a coincidech", mumbled the man,
           "I think I may be married to your sishter."

         Do you like these jokes? from Beautybabe

  25. Dale Nelson profile image29
    Dale Nelsonposted 7 years ago

    So what do you get if you cross a poodle and two chickens?








    Chicky-Chicky-Bow-Wow.

  26. kirstenblog profile image75
    kirstenblogposted 7 years ago

    Get ready to go ewwwww

    A farmer has a goat. His goat gets crossed eyes and it effects his milk. So the farmer calls the vet out to have a look at his goat. The vet looks at the goat and says "I can cure your goats crossed eyes". The vet takes a straw and sticks it up the goats anus and blows. The goats eyes pop back straight. After a time the goats eyes go crossed again and the farmer calls out the vet again. The vet looks at the goat and gets his straw out, sticks it up the goats anus and blows. The farmer says "hey let me have a try!" The farmer takes the straw out of the goats anus and turns it around and puts the other end back in the goat and blows. The vet asks "Why did you take the straw out and turn it around?" The farmer replies "I didn't want to catch your germs!"

  27. thirdmillenium profile image60
    thirdmilleniumposted 7 years ago

    What did one saggy breast say to the other?

    United (by bra) we stand, divided we fall

  28. profile image53
    rialeeposted 7 years ago

    I dream of the day when the chicken crosses the road with out havin to justify it's actions....LOLOLOL


    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    To get to the other side. Why did the elephant cross the road?
    Cos it was the chickens day off.
    Why did the Koala cross the road?
    Chickens day off and the elephant was sick.

  29. thirdmillenium profile image60
    thirdmilleniumposted 7 years ago

    One more here:

    Two moles were coming up one behind the other from underground and emerged on a heap of molasses. The first one asked "Do you smell molasses?"  The one behind said, "No. I smell only mole's ass!"

  30. profile image53
    rialeeposted 7 years ago

    What did Mary Christmas say when Santa asked Rudolph for a weather forecast?
    Tonite in the sky there will be only Rain dear.

  31. profile image58
    grayselegyposted 7 years ago

    Why are there no medicines in the jungle?




    Becsaue the parrots-eat-em-all !

  32. readytoescape profile image61
    readytoescapeposted 7 years ago

    An elderly couple goes to the doctor for their yearly checkups. Each goes into the examining room separately, first the wife than the Husband. Each of them checks out quite well and the Doctor asks each if they are having any issues.

    The old woman says that she feels just wonderful and has no problems.

    The old man tells the doctor “I feel pretty good, but I have one problem that’s bothering me. The first time I have sex with my wife I break out in chills, the second time I sweat like crazy.”

    The doctor says “well let me think about it, please send your wife back in.”

    The wife comes back in and the doctor asks her about her husbands issue.

    The old lady just starts chuckling, “ What the old bastard didn’t tell you was the first time was in January, the second time was in August!”

  33. ddsurfsca profile image70
    ddsurfscaposted 7 years ago

    My dad always told us kids--- "Give a guy luck, and crap will do for brains!!"

    1. greeneyesH1982 profile image59
      greeneyesH1982posted 7 years ago in reply to this

      a guy walks into a bar and orders 5 rounds of tequila and drink them down rather quickly.. the bartender looks at him and says boy you sure love to drink... The man replies well you would to if all you had was 42 cents!

  34. ddsurfsca profile image70
    ddsurfscaposted 7 years ago

    Why did everyone call the two year old a skin head?

    Because he tied his shoes with little knotsies..
                                           (natzis)

  35. profile image53
    rialeeposted 7 years ago

    Did you hear about the kidnapping?

    It woke up.

 
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