SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!

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  1. Zsuzsy Bee profile image88
    Zsuzsy Beeposted 9 years ago

    Just in the name of fun!!!!!! While I was trying to clean up some stuff off my computer I came across these. A couple of them made me smile even though they're probably as old as the hills. So it being Friday morning and with the pain of having to still get through the whoooole looong workday I thought I would try to cheer everyone up a bit--->the weekend's coming...honest smilesmilesmilesmilesmile
     
    Q:What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
    A:Juan on Juan

    Q:What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
    A:The position of the dirt bag

    Q:Why is divorce so expensive?
    A:Because it's worth it

    Q:What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
    A:Doughnuts

    Q:What do attorneys use for birth control?
    A:Their personalities.

    Q:Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
    A:Because those men already have boyfriends.

    Q:Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
    A:Because they have cotton balls.

    Q:What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
    A:A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

    Q:Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
    A:Mace will do that to you.

    Q:Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    A:Breasts don't have eyes.

    Q:Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
    A:He walks around saying "Yo."

    Q:Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
    A:Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

    Q:Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a  baby with blonde hair?
    A:They named him "Sum Ting Wong".

    Q:What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
    A:A speech impediment.

    Q:How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
    A:Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

    Q:What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
    A:A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit....

    1. Greenkite profile image53
      Greenkiteposted 9 years agoin reply to this
  2. love my yorkies profile image60
    love my yorkiesposted 9 years ago

    hahahahahahahahahaha  lol

  3. Eaglekiwi profile image77
    Eaglekiwiposted 9 years ago

    luv ya sense of humour lol
    great way to start the day (an end it too)

  4. Greenkite profile image53
    Greenkiteposted 9 years ago

    The Mike Tyson joke is solid!

    1. Zsuzsy Bee profile image88
      Zsuzsy Beeposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      I thought that one funny too.

  5. James S. Thornton profile image54
    James S. Thorntonposted 9 years ago

    If I were Mike Tyson, I'd be royally pissed.

  6. profile image0
    dennisemattposted 9 years ago

    This made my day!! I have been to bingo, most my friends call me a redneck, my husband is Italian, I have rabbits..and actually..they do make a nosie..but that was funny...cuz anything with the word balls in it is funny!!!!Thanks for this!!

  7. Enelle Lamb profile image82
    Enelle Lambposted 9 years ago

    Love the speech impediment LOL! Good way to start the Friday big_smile thanks for the giggle.

  8. Zsuzsy Bee profile image88
    Zsuzsy Beeposted 9 years ago

    I always believe a day goes better when it's filled with laughs or even just a half-hearted smile

  9. Anti-Valentine profile image94
    Anti-Valentineposted 9 years ago

    Mike Tyson cries a lot so I hear. I've seen a video compilation on TV of him crying in different places and different times.

  10. k@ri profile image90
    k@riposted 9 years ago

    LOLOL!  Thanks for the laughter.  These were great!  big_smile  big_smile

  11. Haunty profile image80
    Hauntyposted 9 years ago

    What do you mean a charming personality is good for birth control?

    1. profile image48
      tinkerbell09posted 9 years agoin reply to this

      If your serious, think of a lawyer's personality, would you do the sleaziest of lawyer's?  Birth control!

      Love the Doughboy joke.  Doughnuts anyone?!

  12. goodfriendiam profile image54
    goodfriendiamposted 9 years ago

    thanks for the laughter, my mom really liked the one about bingo!

  13. Lady_E profile image66
    Lady_Eposted 9 years ago

    Sum Tim Wong? Lol. Bless his cotton socks.

  14. Zsuzsy Bee profile image88
    Zsuzsy Beeposted 9 years ago

    Aren't these just a hoot? Oldies but funnies

  15. Leslie Hill profile image61
    Leslie Hillposted 9 years ago

    LOL!  Very funny, thanks for sharing.

  16. racemels32 profile image57
    racemels32posted 9 years ago

    you have to read my second blog then. Its sure to offend

  17. Stacie L profile image87
    Stacie Lposted 9 years ago

    Q:Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
    A:Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

    now this one I will send to some ..ahem..redneck friends..big_smile

  18. Mighty Mom profile image82
    Mighty Momposted 9 years ago

    Amazing! No one has shown up to threaten lawsuits or flagging or being kicked off Hub Pages or anything! These must really be funny! To me they are, anyway. And I thank you from the bottom of my chuckling belly for making my day, Zsuzsy! I sooo needed the light humor.
    MM

    1. Zsuzsy Bee profile image88
      Zsuzsy Beeposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      You're right MM it is amazing that no-one has started to beef about one or the other one of these snappies.
      all my friends know that i just love these short Q&A types so they are forever e-mailing them to me.
      IMO we all need more laughter in our lives
      zs

  19. AsherKade profile image52
    AsherKadeposted 9 years ago

    the dirt bag joke is my fav...

    1. Zsuzsy Bee profile image88
      Zsuzsy Beeposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      to be honest that is my favorite one too

  20. Jane@CM profile image58
    Jane@CMposted 9 years ago

    Ah, thanks for the good laugh!

 
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