I'd like feedback on my article: 11 Serious Side Effects of Fast Food

1. 59

   Onfiposted 7 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article 11 Serious Side Effects of Fast Food (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

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   1. 96

      K S Laneposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      You've got a few grammar issues in the first paragraph that need to be ironed out, but it seems like there's no problem with the rest of the content. Perhaps try getting rid of some of the pictures? They're good quality, but having so many probably isn't necessary. Aside from that it's a good Hub.

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      1. 59

         Onfiposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks for taking your time to give feedback for my article. I'll recheck the first article, and I'll rethink about the photos. Thank you so much.

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      2. 59

         Onfiposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Can u please highlight the Grammar mistakes? Coz I can't find any in my article.

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            theraggededgeposted 7 years agoin reply to this

            The phrasing is awkward, let me rewrite your first paragraph.
            
            "You already know that fast food can cause health problems. High cholesterol, bone softening, dental cavities, and obesity, are just some of them. Are those enough to stop you eating unhealthy food? Here are some other side effects of consuming fast food that you may not know."
            
            No need to add colons to sub-titles.
            
            No need to capitalise science and mathematics. Nor insulin. Think: why would you capitalise insulin and not glucose? Neither are proper nouns. Go through the hub because you use unnecessary capitalisation a few times.
            
            No need for 'as' before 'compared'.
            
            Watch out for repetition. You mention sodium causing high blood pressure twice. Also, there is new research that indicates that sodium might not cause high blood pressure. You must fact check carefully as dietary guidelines change constantly. Fast food doesn't necessarily cause insulin resistance either... it's carbohydrates and sugar that cause insulin resistance. All carbs convert to glucose.
            
            Read the text out loud to see where the phrasing could be improved.
            
            Remember: every claim you make, must be backed up with a scientific source.

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2. 86

   theraggededgeposted 7 years ago

   Hi there,
   
   As well as the grammatical problems there are a few others:
   
   If you refer to studies in order to back up your claims, then you should mention the specific study. So, you'd say something like, "A study by Jones and Mercer, carried out in 2016 showed...." And provide a link, either in text or at the end. In fact every time you make a claim connected to health issues, you must have evidence to back it up. It can't just come out of your head or be rewritten from someone else's article.
   
   What's BDNF? Spell it out in full, add the acronym in brackets, then use the acronym thereafter. Don't forget the references.
   
   There are no fats in fizzy drinks.
   
   That roulade in the photo isn't fast food.
   
   You are using too many images. Consider reducing to just two. We all know what fast food looks like.
   
   In 'About the Author' bio, add information that displays your credentials in offering health advice. People like to see that the writer knows what he or she is talking about. And... use your own image for your profile not a generic 'studious man' photo.
   
   Good luck.

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   1. 59

      Onfiposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Thanks a lot. <3

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   2. 59

      Onfiposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      btw can u pls highlight my grammar mistakes coz I can't find any.

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3. 84

   agvulpesposted 7 years ago

   I agree with what others have said.  I would also like to add something else.
   The images you have on the hub should add to the story of the text.
   On the technical side, I can see no Subtitles or Copyright indications on the Images.
   With some more work, it will be a good hub

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   1. 99

      DrMark1961posted 7 years agoin reply to this

      If a hub is just a rehash of some information already out there on the internet, is it good? If the OP wants to post this to encourage people to stay away from fast food, it is not going to work because it contains no new information and is going to get buried by the search engines.
      If the OP wants to earn some money here at HP, it is unlikely because the search engines are going to bury this and he will not have enough page views to make any money.
      Yes, getting rid of the extra images (that are just like those in the Youtube video), fixing the grammatical errors, and adding some references will help. Will it make this a good hub though?

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      1. 59

         Onfiposted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Hmm... Maybe I need to consider this.

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4. 99

   DrMark1961posted 7 years ago

   Onfi, this is an example of the grammatical error that has been mentioned:
   "keeping the stomach full longer and cause bloating."
   The article would benefit from proofreading, but if you expect to do well on HP you need to come up with some new material, or present the material you have researched in such a way that it is new to the readers.

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   1. 59

      Onfiposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Oh well. I'm actually working very hard on my new article collecting proofs and everything coz I don't want to see that one a failure too. After completing that, I'll see this article again. It may take a few days. I'm going to act upon your advice. Thanks, everyone.

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      1. 99

         DrMark1961posted 7 years agoin reply to this

         Best of luck to you. I can tell you put a lot of work into this one, and I will look forward to your next piece.

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