I'd like feedback on my article: Antibiotic Resistance in the Animal Husbandry..

1. 80

   Drew Agravanteposted 7 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article Antibiotic Resistance in the Animal Husbandry Sector (must be signed in to view). What can I do to improve? Thanks!

   replyreport
   1. 83

      theraggededgeposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Hi there,
      
      This looks like a well-researched article
      
      There are some minor grammatical errors, such as, "the use of antibiotics in the animal husbandry". Delete the second 'the'.
      
      Also, there is quite a bit of waffle, such as, "We must first all understand the idea that the bacteria family might have been older than our ancestors."
      
      This would be much better shortened to, "Bacterial organisms existed long before humans evolved."
      
      Try to lose phrases like "might have been".  They are vague and add nothing to your writing. In this kind of article, your English must be crisp and easy to understand. Be ruthless and cut out all unnecessary 'wordage'. Lose the 'mights' and 'coulds'. See where you can omit the verb 'to be'; in particular, look out for the word 'have'. That often indicates an unnecessary phrase.
      
      Here's another: "Repeated and improper use of antibiotics enables these bacteria to develop their very own way of fighting back by rendering some antibiotics which are commonly used to kill them ineffective or simply useless this is what we call Antibiotic resistance."
      
      "Repeated and improper use of antibiotics means bacteria develop antibiotic resistance." All those other words aren't necessary. Simply state the fact.
      
      Try pasting your text into the free style checker, Hemingway.
      
      Go through the writing carefully, weed out the unnecessary words, and read out loud. That will help you pick up awkward phrasing.
      
      Get rid of the cat photo--nothing to do with animal husbandry.
      
      Good luck.

      replyreport
2. 80

   Drew Agravanteposted 7 years ago

   I really appreciate all those tips. I will try to edit it all over again and make more crisp. Thank you very much.

   replyreport
3. 94

   AliciaCposted 7 years ago

   The duplicate content at the end of the article is probably a problem as well. The methods to avoid infection are published at https://assets.publishing.service.gov.u … A-MRSA.PDF

   replyreport
4. 80

   Drew Agravanteposted 7 years ago

   Yep, I actually copy-paste its contents and credited it to a guideline in UK Control of Substances Hazardous to Health Regulations (COSHH) ^_^. Should have I tried to analyze it more and combined it with other guidelines to create something more comprehensive and new rather than just copy-pasting it? Thanks for the feedback I really appreciate it. It feels like I gotta learn more.

   replyreport