I'd like feedback on my article: Why Bangkok Is Simply Awesome

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70
Suchismita pradhanposted 4 years ago
Hi Hubbers,

I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
Here is my article: Why Bangkok Is Simply Awesome (must be signed in to view)
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1. 88
  theraggededgeposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  I've visited Bangkok and stayed at the Royal Orchid. It's a great city for tourists, but I would suggest that you mention some of the less-happy aspects such as child beggars, pollution, poverty, as well as the stultifying heat. We weren't informed before we went so were quite shocked by the stuff we saw.
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  Suchismita pradhanposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  Thanks for suggesting I will write the dos and don'ts in my next article once this article gets published. but I am not getting the point why this article didn't get featured can you throw some lights on that
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  theraggededgeposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  Grammar and formatting problems. For instance, 'Why Bankok', should have a question mark after it. The list of things to do should be in regular font, not H3.
  
  "Indulge in the finest culinary" Culinary what? It's an adjective, not a noun.
  
  Make sure the places mentioned in your image captions are properly capitalized. Also mention that the photos are your own (they are, yes?). The close-up of the food is blurry, so should be removed or replaced with a better one.
  
  Edit: Also make sure your subheadings are consistent. Use APA title case in all of them.
  
  Hope that helps
  
  Spotted something else... your article bio is grammatically incorrect:
  
  "Apart from being a financial executive, a painter and a writer and also a nature lover and a traveler who admires and explores new places."
  
  Better to say, "I'm a financial executive, painter, nature lover, and a writer. I'm also a passionate traveler who loves to explore new places."
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  Suchismita pradhanposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  Thanks for highlighting the errors, I will definitely work on it. I appreciate your feedback.
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  DrMark1961posted 4 years agoin reply to this
  When you manage to attract a reader to your page (through an interesting title or summary) the first thing they tend to look at is your bio. It is at the top of the page. If your bio is written ackwardly or has nothing to do with the title they are likely to bounce out of there and find something else. I think you should start out with "I'm a passionate traveler who loves to explore new places." and then add other info.
  If they make it past the bio, the first thing they read is the first paragraph. Your first paragraph has some errors (like not capitalizing the first word in a sentence) and is kind of "meh". You just lost most of your readers, and at this point they are going to bounce out of there. You may still have a page view, but will not have an impression as the ads will not even have loaded yet.
  How about changing Why Bangkok? into a capsule that grabs the readers interest? You are certainly a good enough writer to do so. ("Bangkok is an affordable and colorful city with hundreds of awesome attractions that will keep you busy for days? Want to hear about a few of them? Read on." is an example. I am sure you will come up with something better.)
  There is some work to do on this so that it can be featured but it is interesting.Best of luck.
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  70
  Suchismita pradhanposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  Thank you very much for suggestions, quite helpful tips, I will change accordingly.
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  89
  Will Apseposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  I have lived in Thailand for 14 years and I have never seen a child beggar. They must congregate around the Royal Orchid.
  
  The only "beggars" I have ever come across are adult, disabled and "licensed" to collect money for singing, rather like buskers.
  
  They even wear the license around their necks, rather like corporate employees with their ID, lol.
  
  There are children who are ferried around restaurants to sell sweets and nuts after school, which is depressing. I counted 3 in a city I am very familiar with. Once encountered a begging elephant, former forestry worker but sadly unemployed when he appeared with his handler.
  
  In the UK, the number of rough sleepers, that I encountered recently was shocking. Some of them begged. Must include them in my "Ten Things to See in London" article.
  
  Pic now included on my blog. Not sure what foreigners will make of that.
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  theraggededgeposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  What is this? A points scoring competition, Will? Of course there are child beggars in Bangkok, scores of them. And yes, they do congregate around posh hotels for obvious reasons. They are both desperate and intimidating. I also saw/met some in Hua Hin.
  
  https://blogbkk.wordpress.com/2010/12/0 … n-bangkok/
  
  https://coconuts.co/bangkok/features/hi … ed-profit/
  
  https://www.bangkokpost.com/thailand/sp … s-for-sale
  
  There are homeless people and beggars on the streets of UK cities. It's a disgusting indictment on society that people have to exist like that. There are a huge number of deserving cases but also quite a few Eastern European 'professionals' with BMWs parked around the corner.
  
  But I'm not writing an article on London tourism, am I? So not sure why you want to do the comparison thing?
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  Will Apseposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  Those pages you quoted are a decade old.
  
  Mostly, I have avoided the tourist traps and the hangouts of the expats, but I have been staying in Bangkok for the last few months and I still haven't seen a child beggar.
  
  If there are only "scores" of them and they only target western tourists, I may never see one.
  
  Eastern Europeans in BMW's, lol?
  
  In the US, they would be Mexican, in Thailand they would be Laotians, in India they would be from Bangladesh and I sure Dr Mark can come up with the Brazilian outgroup of evil.
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  theraggededgeposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  The first one is 2010; the other two are five years old... they were the ones at the top of the search results. Or maybe this is why you haven't seen them... there was a law passed 5 months ago, which I didn't know about: https://thethaiger.com/news/national/th … ce-begging
  
  But, according to the Pope the exploitation continues. Mostly prostitution but the article mentions begging as well.
  
  In the UK, professional beggars run 'begging rings' in large cities. Sometimes they fly in, stay for a few days, make decent money and go back to Romania or wherever.
  
  Here you go... from your favourite paper, too. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/articl … welry.html
  
  https://www.theargus.co.uk/news/1785018 … h-streets/
  
  That's not to mean the problem of rough sleeping isn't a shameful and increasing one either. In the UK, someone 'seeking asylum' is guaranteed accommodation, food and a weekly pocket money allowance, while ex-servicemen down on their luck are left to rot on the streets.
  
  I'm not sure I understand what you mean by 'outgroup of evil'. Genuine beggars and homeless are not 'evil'.
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  Will Apseposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  If you genuinely do not know what "outgroup" refers to, I would suggest looking it up. The use of outgroups by politicians to gain political advantage is the phenomena of our times.
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  theraggededgeposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  Again, apologies to the OP. This discussion doesn't belong here.
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  DrMark1961posted 4 years agoin reply to this
  Outgroup of evil? In Thailand, I am sure he is referring to the expats from Europe.(Laotians need not apply.)
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  Will Apseposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  I don't know how rightwing Brazilians create their demons. I would be interested to find out.
  
  The Daily Mail link from Raggededge shows you how it is done in the UK.
  
  It is not fake news (proper journalistic rules have been applied) but why is a single female Romanian beggar in the US considered newsworthy enough to get into a UK online newspaper?
  
  There was no violence, or intimidation, no one was arrested.
  
  The whole point of the story is to deliver readers on both sides of the Atlantic their daily dose of "foreigners are evil' outrage.
  
  Then the politicians can move in and capitalize on the fear of the outgroup. Or in this case, the "woman not quite like us".
  
  I would like to think this is just an aging population thing... the elderly terrified of foreign food or a man with an accent, lol. But pograms and slaughter of outgroups has too long a history.
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  theraggededgeposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  A perfect example of how you can take a fact (children begging on the streets) and twist it to suit a political viewpoint. In this case a predictable swipe at the right.
  
  You are the one creating demons, Will I-ain't-never-seen-no-beggars Apse.
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  Will Apseposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  What possible reason could I have for lying about child beggars? I have asked around, incidentally, and one guy remembers a time in Phuket several years ago when there was brief spate of them. Again, they were there to target rich Westerners. After the usual scandal they disappeared.
  
  As for swipes at the right... I have nothing against Conservatives who find no need to demonize harmless groups of people for their own ends.
  
  In the UK, Conservatives have delivered enough good stuff to keep them in power without descending into the gutter (whatever their fringe supporters may relish).
  
  In the US, Conservatives would never get elected without their wedge issues, dog whistle racism and ultra partisanship, strictly enforced by ingroup discipline.
  
  The UK could easily go in that direction. More wealth and power to the few, and no need to make life bearable for everyone else.
  
  ps For me, the interest is in trying to grasp what is going on.
  
  Trying to make sense of "dasein", at the moment. Seems to be a kind of ultra localism elevated to a philosophy of life. Ever heard of it?
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  wildernessposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  "In the US, Conservatives would never get elected without their wedge issues, dog whistle racism and ultra partisanship, strictly enforced by ingroup discipline."
  
  You're in the wrong forum for such knee jerk political rants. Just sayin'...
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  89
  Will Apseposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  Apologies to the OP, lol. You are fine with asserting that Bangkok is swarming with child beggars, after your brief experience at an upmarket Bangkok hotel. And you suggest the OP include the ones you saw (possibly long ago) in an article aimed at tourists. What is that about?
  
  Anyone who knows the country is going to be irritated.
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  88
  theraggededgeposted 4 years agoin reply to this
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  theraggededgeposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  https://gotravelthailand.com/beggars-and-children
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  70
  Suchismita pradhanposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  My article got rejected once again can you point out some points on that
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  93
  AliciaCposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  I have some suggestions. Your article is interesting, but I noticed a few problems. You need to proofread it carefully because it contains grammar errors. You also need to change the title. The present one suggests that Thailand is a city. The title should be written in APA title case. You should state the source of the photos to show that they have a suitable license for publication on HubPages.
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  Will Apseposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  Seems to be published now. Getting rid of that first photo with the corporate logo in the background (though half-hidden and blurred) might have helped. Corporate logos in photos are forbidden for some reason.
  
  https://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia … k-law.html
  
  Not sure why Bangkok has been dropped from the title. It is still a page about Bangkok, after all.
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  77
  chasmacposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  Agreed Will. Bangkok should certainly be in the title.
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chasmacposted 4 years ago
Apart from formatting issues, some blurred photos, and typos, such as "The Grand Place" (Palace), there are some problems with the content:

"Since it's December and the holidays are around the corner..."
Yes, it's December now, but it'll be January soon, so your article will be out of date.

"The timing difference between Bangkok and India"

HubPages has a global readership, so that information will be irrelevant to the majority of readers. A tourist from Germany, Australia, Japan, etc. doesn't care about the time in India.

"Wat pho, The Temple of Emerald Buddha"

You already stated (correctly) that the Temple of the Emerald Buddha is part of the Grand Palace. Wat Pho lies outside the confines of the Grand Palace. The Temple of the Emerald Buddha lies within the palace grounds and is called Wat Phra Keow.

"In order to reach the Palace, one has to sail through the boat as the Palace is sitting on the banks of the Chao Phraya river"

I'm not sure what this means. Do you mean you need to take a boat to get to the palace? That's only true if you're coming from the opposite bank (or choosing to travel by express boat from either bank). Even then, you don't "have to" as there are bridges. Taxis, tuk tuks and buses can bring you from any part of the city to the palace (or close to it in the case of buses.)
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1. 70
  Suchismita pradhanposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  Thank you so much for your detailed review. I will work on it.
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77
chasmacposted 4 years ago
You still need to correct the subtitle:

"Wat Pho, Temple of the Emerald Buddha"

Wat Pho is a very important temple near the Grand Palace, but it's NOT the Temple of the Emerald Buddha. The Temple of the Emerald Buddha is Wat Phra Kaew and is part of the Grand Palace complex. In fact, your photo that you've titled "Architecture in the palace" is actually a photo of part of the Temple of the Emerald Buddha.
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88
theraggededgeposted 4 years ago
And apologies to the OP for the hijacking of her thread. xx
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Rupert Taylorposted 4 years ago
Wilderness, you are quite right. I was thinking of saying much the same but feared triggering a flame war such as those in the Topical Forums.
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1. 89
  Will Apseposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  Don't worry, I don't get upset. And I usually leave off when there is nothing more to be learnt.
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  PaulGoodman67posted 4 years agoin reply to this
  Well it gave this "feedback thread" more spice than most of them have. Frankly I am more than a little weary of them. I've not been to Thailand so can't really comment on the content. But I understand your desire to defend the place you live against the tourist stereotype. It was an interesting derail of the thread anyway.
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  89
  Will Apseposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  I thought I was firm but fair throughout, lol.
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chasmacposted 4 years ago
Hi Suchismita
You've misunderstood my explanation about Wat Pho and the separate Temple of the Emerald Buddha (Wat Phra Kaew). Let me clarify, because this article has the potential to be very good.

WAT PHO
Your section on Wat Pho had correct info and the photo of the reclining Buddha fits well as that's what it's famous for. Only your title was wrong. It's Wat Pho. It's not the Temple of the Emerald Buddha. Wat Pho is also known (less commonly) as the Temple of the Reclining Buddha.
If you like you can research and include other facts such as it being the first university or the birthplace of 'proper' Thai massage.

THE TEMPLE OF THE EMERALD BUDDHA (Wat Phra Kaew)
This temple lies within the Grand Palace grounds. It's Thailand's most important temple as it contains the country's most revered icon, the small Emerald Buddha. You can't miss the temple if you visit the Grand Palace - All those huge spires and many ornate buildings you saw are of this temple. And the photo you took about "architecture in the Grand Palace" is part of this temple. But it IS part of the Grand Palace complex (actually the dominant part) so you can write about it in your Grand Palace section, but NOT the Wat Pho Section, which is fine.

Other things like typos, etc,. can be fixed if you search and find them or listen to the good advice of other Hubbers. But the actual info MUST be correct. That's probably not the reason for it being rejected, though, as the editors may not know if it's factually correct or not. But putting out incorrect info to the public is a huge No-No - much worse than typos, etc.

Your photos are sourced as 'Original' meaning you took them on your trip, so that's fine. At least one of them is still a little blurry, though. That's another cause for rejection.
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1. 93
  AliciaCposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  The situation with respect to the photo sources seems a bit strange. Perhaps the writer has edited the article since you last saw it. I currently see captions for some of the photos but no sources for any of them.
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  70
  Suchismita pradhanposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  Finally, it got published
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  chasmacposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  Yes, it's published despite still having errors. I've tried to explain twice that the Temple of the Emerald Buddha (Wat Phra Kaew) is not the same as the Temple of the Reclining Buddha (Wat Pho).
  
  Change the subheading from the Temple of the Emerald Buddha to
  Wat Pho, the Temple of the Reclining Buddha.
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  70
  Suchismita pradhanposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  Thanks for pointing out, I changed it.
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  chasmacposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  Yes, you're right, Alicia. The source "original" has been removed. I wonder why.
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  Suchismita pradhanposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  Yes, those pics are original. I removed it as it was little blurred.
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Eurofileposted 4 years ago
Congratulations on finally getting your article through the process. It takes persistence to get through boot camp. Be encouraged though. We have all been there before you. You will get through and if you have a problem, there is no shortage of helpful advice from fellow hubbers, as you have experienced above.
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1. 70
  Suchismita pradhanposted 4 years agoin reply to this
  Thank you so much for your support and kind words, I really appreciate it.
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