A question about a rapist

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  1. cindyvine profile image69
    cindyvineposted 13 years ago

    What would you do if you knew your estranged sister who had always been mean to you, was marrying a rapist?
    I'm busy doing some research for my next book, having finally completed the final proof edit of The Case of Billy B.  If you feel you can answer this question, please do so.  What would you do?  Would you tell her?  Would you tell your family?  Would you tell your friends?  Your sister wants you to forgive her for all the mean things she did to you while growing up. Will you forgive her and then tell her?  Would you just keep it a secret?  All input much appreciated.

    1. Mikel G Roberts profile image76
      Mikel G Robertsposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Personally, I would tell Mom, show her the proof and leave it alone.
      Having done my duty, my job, I would never think about it again, unless It affected my kids. If my sister, at some point, wanted to no longer be 'estranged' she would have to lose the person I could in no way trust, or convince me, that I could trust the 'Rapist'.

      Not an easy task, But that's me.

    2. tantrum profile image60
      tantrumposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      First of all. how do you know he's a rapist ?
      Isn't it strange that you know it, and your sister doesn't ?
      If you know because he had raped you, that would be an issue !
      I wouldn't tell her, because she wouldn't believe me. If I had gone to the police about it, I would send anonymously the report.
      You should give more details.

    3. moanalisa profile image59
      moanalisaposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I'm not sure why this would even come into question if you love your sister. Tell her, and what she does then, is up to her.

    4. goldenpath profile image67
      goldenpathposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Tell her straight out with evidence in hand.  Nothing anonymous.  Truth shall always eventually be revealed.  If she disowns you or shuns you permanently she will owe you all the more when the truth does, indeed, come out.

  2. profile image0
    Nelle Hoxieposted 13 years ago

    I would annonymously send her all the proof I had. Or I would give the proof to a trusted intermediary and have them discuss it with her.

    My sister's bf in real life is a criminal attorney. I would give the proof to her and have her discuss it with my sister. I also have a High School classmate who is a respected private investigator, I would go to him as well. Because I know she respects him. (Luckily my sister has been married to a wonderful guy since they were married at age 18, so I've never had to think about this)

    It's so important for her life, that I wouldn't want our relationship to get in the middle. I would do this for my worst enemy. The stakes are so high.

  3. Beth100 profile image71
    Beth100posted 13 years ago

    Hey Cindy!  How you doing?  Okay, I'll try to answer this in an understandable fashion (haven't had my coffee yet... lol  ) 

    In this situation, I would tell my sister, no matter what the consequences.  If she is in danger, or in possible danger, then the truth must be spoken (assuming that his case has been proven without a doubt).  Even if it hadn't been, just the possibility of it would give me reason to tell my sister of the possibility.  If she chose not to change her mind, I may elicit the help of my family.  There is nothing worse than skeletons in the family closet.  It all comes out eventually...  It is obvious that I love her, and in that aspect, it is inherent that I forgive her for her past doings.  Otherwise, I wouldn't tell her anything and let her suffer at his hands.  Oh, that would be soooo terrible.

    Have a good weekend!  And good luck with finishing your book! big_smile

  4. kerryg profile image82
    kerrygposted 13 years ago

    Yeah, I don't care how mean she was to you as a kid, she's still your sister, and NOBODY deserves to marry a rapist.

    Depending on how estranged we were, exactly, I would either tell her directly or, as Nelle suggested, send her the proof anonymously. What she does from there is her choice, but at least I tried.

  5. kirstenblog profile image79
    kirstenblogposted 13 years ago

    There are crimes in this world that should not be allowed to happen in the first place where possible. If you are in a position to prevent a crime like this to happen it should not matter who it is happening to, it should be prevented. I would expect that there is someone you can speak to even if you are not on speaking terms with the person in danger, at the end of the day I believe most police forces would rather get involved before something bad happens so if there is no one else to go to a person can go to them. I would find a way to get the warning across, I would not be able to face myself otherwise.

  6. ASHWINSPGA profile image58
    ASHWINSPGAposted 13 years ago

    you are talking about a man covicted of rape in past right? You must tell. There is no question about it. But remember not every rapist are unrepentable. This guy might be one of the few who has changed over a new leaf and wants to put his past behind and start a new life. Its not right to condemn him for life. Everyone deserves a second chance.

  7. theirishobserver. profile image60
    theirishobserver.posted 13 years ago

    Well it is clear that if she does not know you tell her, she is an adult it is her choice after that if she marries him or not.....most rapists are not known.....most happens in the family...so it is more likely she would meet a rapist in the family rather than a stranger.....still its always best to point the finger somewhere else..... In Ireland at the moment we are dealing with the revelations that thousands of children were raped by Religous while in their 'care' here, also Gerry Adams, leader of Sinn Fein (Catholic Political Party) who has been moralising for many years about rapists has been forced to admit that he concealed the crimes of two child rapists for decades....you just never know where your talking when you talk about sexual crime....

  8. cindyvine profile image69
    cindyvineposted 13 years ago

    Thanks for the input guys, I see most say she should tell.  Well tantrum, you are right on the nail.  the sister knows he's a rapist because he raped her 13 years ago and she never told anyone then.  If she tells her sister, will her sister not think it's revenge for all the years she was mean to her?

    1. tantrum profile image60
      tantrumposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Yes! she would think it's not true. Something happened to me with one of my sisters. Once I new a guy who was s°°t. I knew it from the start. she began dating him. I told her. She said I was jealous, and went on. At last she realised I was right. But you see. It's not easy to tell bad news. lol

      So,  even if she has a report,the sister would think, she was lying.
      Some problem you have there ! big_smile

  9. maguijo profile image60
    maguijoposted 13 years ago

    Forget the sister. The rapist needs to DIE. So...being as how the sister has always been mean, no need to be concerned about her 1)not believing; 2)being mad at you for telling/breaking them up, etc. 3) marrying a rapist.
    The real issue here is that the rapist needs to be brought to justice. How to do that after 14 years? I rather think if he's raped once, he's raped others. I would put on my Kinsey Milhone hat and start finding other women he's raped and go to the police together. Wouldn't it be a smacker if it turns out he also raped the sister, who is clearly not entirely mentally well since she's attracted to and marrying a rapist?

    How's that for some slightly disjointed thought flow? :-)

  10. Flightkeeper profile image68
    Flightkeeperposted 13 years ago

    I don't think the raped sister should tell her sister that her fiance is the rapist.  Although there is a 5-year limitation on rape, I would actually bring it to the authorities.  A rapist doesn't suddenly stop, he's probably raped other women as well and any evidence that the authorities can get would help them in nabbing the guy.  The other sister would find out in the worst way what her fiance did to her own sister but at least she doesn't marry the creep.

  11. cindyvine profile image69
    cindyvineposted 13 years ago

    Hmmmm I quite like the introduction of violence!

  12. profile image0
    Nelle Hoxieposted 13 years ago

    I would still tell the truth to my sister. Of course I would have reported the rape, so there would be no story line. And I am extremely close to my real sister, so I'm probably not in tune with the plot.

  13. profile image0
    Madame Xposted 13 years ago

    Yes, I would tell her. A rapist is the ultimate boundary violator and that doesn't just stop. Rapists get off on violation, physical, verbal, emotional.

    She may very well think you're "getting even" with her for past wrongs, and, frankly, she may say that anyway for "trying to break up her relationship". Either way you're going to be the bad guy - at least at first. But telling her is the right thing to do and besides, you're not telling her to hurt her, but out of love for her.

    I've been down this road with my own family members and it stinks from all sides. The only compensation you have, and may ever have, is that you did the right thing for them for the right reason. Good luck.

  14. cindyvine profile image69
    cindyvineposted 13 years ago

    So basically, it's a no win situation for everybody

    1. livewithrichard profile image73
      livewithrichardposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      No, it's a win for the sister that was raped if she does finally get to tell. Regardless if the other sister believes her or not, the sister that was raped is the victim and needs reslolution.

    2. profile image0
      Madame Xposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      It's more complex than that. Sister A is going to marry a rapist. Sister B got raped by him.

      If sister A knew her fiance raped her sister would she still marry him?
      If she would, what does that say about her love for her sister (B)? (Or her own neediness)
      If sister B doesn't tell her sister about it, how can she ever relax in family situations, parties and such? Can she ever feel safe going into a room alone knowing this guy is around? Can she ever feel that she'd be safe at all if this creep is a "member of the family?"
      After he does become a member of the family, and becomes accepted by their parents, what happens if sister B brings it up then? Does she become the bad guy for "breaking up a marriage?"

      And what about sister B? Does she just have to swallow her own violation and just "live with it"?

      Try exchanging the term "rapist" for "murderer" and it becomes a little clearer.

  15. tantrum profile image60
    tantrumposted 13 years ago

    Is your book half written, or are you begining it ?
    because this is a good topic for writing a psychological novel.

  16. profile image0
    lyricsingrayposted 13 years ago

    I can't even comment on this.  WTF?  What questions are we asking in our threads?

    1. tantrum profile image60
      tantrumposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      It's fiction. It's about a book

      1. ForKicks profile image59
        ForKicksposted 13 years agoin reply to this


  17. cindyvine profile image69
    cindyvineposted 13 years ago

    Yeah suppose so Richard, but will it make her feel better by telling?
    Tantrum have just finished the plot outline, character sketches and am now doing some research.  Haven't started writing yet.  Just getting into it, have to start feeling it before I can start writing.

    1. tantrum profile image60
      tantrumposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      if it was my book, I will approach the psychological site. built the plot from the raped sister point of view. then from the raper and leave the 'victim' sister in the background until the last chapters, where I 'll give her the solution and ending of the book.

    2. livewithrichard profile image73
      livewithrichardposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      You should probably put some real focus on the "mean things" the sister did so the reader can understand the reluctance of forgiving her.  And like Tantrum suggested, I wouldn't give the reveal to the sister until near the end especially if the sister is still mean to her.

  18. ForKicks profile image59
    ForKicksposted 13 years ago

    I would do and not do a few things, I wouldn't tell my family and friends. Why would I have too? However,I would tell my sister just avoid all the crying, the moaning and laying around acting like a sadsack and not moving on with life.

  19. cindyvine profile image69
    cindyvineposted 13 years ago

    Lyrics, this is research I'm doing for my next book.  And it's a valid question to ask.

  20. profile image0
    A Texanposted 13 years ago

    I know some guys that will get rid of him for a six pack of Miller lite and some tortillas!

    Miller lite nor any tortilla maker either endorses or condones this post!

  21. cindyvine profile image69
    cindyvineposted 13 years ago

    Yeah, I'm writing from the raped sister's point of view, will be looking at how rape affects a person as part of the story

    1. tantrum profile image60
      tantrumposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      Interesting! It sounds OK.
      and don't forget the raper . 13 years have passed. what are his feelings now ? what kind of a person is he ? That's a rich character.

  22. cindyvine profile image69
    cindyvineposted 13 years ago

    Lol yeah Tantrum, designed a real gem of a man when I did his character sketch earlier today.  Might need to get the Texan to sort him out in the end! lol

  23. profile image0
    Nelle Hoxieposted 13 years ago

    I cannot wait for you to write this book cindy! I'm on the edge of my seat wondering which way you'll take this plot.

  24. Alessia Amnesia profile image61
    Alessia Amnesiaposted 13 years ago

    Does she know he's a rapist? If she knows he is a rapist and is still willing to be with him, perhaps she knows the situation better than you do. She may be even meaner to you and become even more estranged if she feels that you are trying to ruin her happiness.

    If it were my sister in this situation, estranged or not, I would ask if she knew this about him. However, I would let it go after I knew that she knew about this.

    You must also remember that the criminal records that are accessible to you do not hold the entire story of what happened. For instance, one of my friends is on the sex offender list, but it is because the girl he was with lied about her age. She even had a fake ID!

    I'm not trying to defend this man, but you probably don't know the whole story. And, what you do know could be entirely twisted.

  25. darkside profile image67
    darksideposted 13 years ago

    What Would Dexter Do?

    1. profile image0
      Nelle Hoxieposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      According to Harry's Rules, I don't think rape is an offense punishable by Dexter. But I haven't been watching this season.

  26. marcel285 profile image65
    marcel285posted 13 years ago

    I would absolutely tell her! Then i would insist that she leave him, go to the cops, and nag them to keep their eyes on this guy.

    If my sister didn't listen to me, i would want him dead. I probably wouldn't go as far as killing him, but i'd do everything within my power to make his life hell, and try to break them up.

  27. profile image0
    Madame Xposted 13 years ago

    Oh, and one more thing. Like attracts like. She's cruel, he's a rapist. Sounds like a match made in heaven. Why would the evil bitch take kindly to being told at all, unless she could use it against sister B (or even sic her rapist/husband on her)?

    Just a thought smile

  28. Mamelody profile image60
    Mamelodyposted 13 years ago

    Oh I would yank the SOB myself.. I hate rapists and for me rapists do not deserve to breath the same air as me.. I would probably hire a gang and let them "pay him a visit".. if my sister gets mad at me who cares as long as I've saved her life

  29. trish1048 profile image69
    trish1048posted 13 years ago

    Take out the emotion in this scenario and tell.  It's simply the right thing to do, regardless of how your sister reacts.  She can believe you or not, her decision.  In your heart you'll know you did the right thing.

  30. profile image0
    lyricsingrayposted 13 years ago

    Those are big decisions and unfortunately only ones you can make yourself.


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