I have a friend who is a utter NUT.......she posted this on her FB status the other day...
"As a matter of fact, I do p&*s glitter and S%$t rainbows!!!!"
Let me hear some good one
I was in a public toilet one night and a man came in and stood there with his two arms down by his side, I could see he had no hands, he asked me if I would open his zipper, I was reluctant but I did, he just stood there, then he asked if I would take out his manhood, I was reluctant, when I took it out it was horrible, covered in all sorts of scabs and such like, I said to him, what is wrong with it, he said I dont know but Im not touching it, his hands had now appeared from under the long sleeves of his jacket.........
Best graffiti in bathroom stall:
Here I sit, my buns a-flexin' --
'bout to give birth to another Texan!
What did the Bra say to the hat, you go on a head and we will give these two a lift
One of the funniest jokes I ever heard was one line by the comic, Henny Youngman: "I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother!"
My younger brother wants to get his anus sewed into the shape of a star so when he takes a dump it'll come out like piping on a wedding cake.
THAT is brill! Puts a whole knew meaning to "puckered star."
Short version: Man and woman get married, man not making love at all, woman decides to spice it all up, candles, silk sheets, husband gets into bed, he puts his hand down real low, the wife says you going to make love to me Honey, he says, No, Im just wetting my finger to turn over the page of my novel...
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH what a waste LOL
Jack goes hunting every year with 3 buddies. One year wife tells him he can't go. When his 3 friends arrive at the camp site Jack is already there. We thought you couldn't come this year? Well, Jack says, let me tell you what happened. To make it up to me my wife waits for me last night in the bedroom, totally naked. She asks me to tie her to the bed. Then she says to go ahead and do anything I want so......here I am!
Mexican is walking down a dirt road in Texas - finds a big nice 10 gallon cowboy hat, picks it up and puts it on. Along comes a couple Texans in a pickup truck - "Hey, Pancho, yew want a rahd?" "Gracias, hombre!"
Riding along, one Texan says "Hey, Pancho, how many sheep you f**ked?" "Oh, no, senor, I no f**k sheep!" "Well, then, how many goats you f**ked?" "Oh, no, senor, I no f**k goats!" "Well, then, how many pigs y'all f**ked?"
"Oh, no, senor, I no f**k the pigs! Senor, I am not a TEXAN! I just found this hat!"
Procrastination is like Masturbation: it's only fun until you realise your just screwing yourself!
Men are like blenders, you need one, you just don't know why!
Men are like Coffee.
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
Men are like Commercials. You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like Copiers.
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.
Men are like Government Bonds.
They take way too long to mature.
Men are like Horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like Lava Lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Men are like Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like Parking Spots.
The good ones are already taken and the ones that are left are either handicapped or extremely small.
Top Ten Signs No One Wants To Be Your Valentine
10. Phone sex operators keep hanging up on you
9. FOX is starting a new show about you: 'America's Least Wanted'
8. You get a heart-shaped box filled with angry hornets
7. The babes just don't seem to go for your home-made Star Trek uniform
6. You're taking private tutorials with Jocelyn Elders
5. You have one of them handsome Ito beards--and you're a woman!
4. The last time you got laid was during the Eisenhower administration
3. You spend your vacation chasin' lizards
2. The Pope asks you for tips on celibacy
1. You ain't a Gingrich, but your nickname's 'Newt'
by Daffy Duck 3 years ago
There are millions of jokes out there. Everyone says they have a great one. What's the funniest one?
by enjoy life 4 years ago
What is the strangest or funniest thing you have ever heard anyone say in their sleep?I really have no idea what category to put this question in!
by Jenna Ditsch 5 years ago
What was the last thing you saw or heard that REALLY made you laugh?They say laughter is like medicine to the soul. :-)
by Juan Rivera 6 years ago
Have you heard of the new myspace? Do you think it's going to be the new thing? is facebook dying?
by Str8up Hookups 8 years ago
What is the funniest thing your ever heard a child say?Kids are brutally honest and while small have no idea of hurting someone's feelings,and sometimes it's so on point it hilarious.My son stated while we were at a baseball game,Mom I want to be like that man when I grow up,he's always got...
by Becca Hubbard-Woods 2 years ago
What is the funniest thing you've ever heard a child say?I want to add a fourth addition to my Kids Say and Do the Funniest Sh*t hubs, so I want to hear your stories!
Copyright © 2019 HubPages Inc. and respective owners. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. HubPages® is a registered Service Mark of HubPages, Inc. HubPages and Hubbers (authors) may earn revenue on this page based on affiliate relationships and advertisements with partners including Amazon, Google, and others.
HubPages Inc, a part of Maven Inc.
|HubPages Device ID||This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.|
|Login||This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.|
|HubPages Traffic Pixel||This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.|
|Remarketing Pixels||We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.|
|Conversion Tracking Pixels||We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.|