I'd like feedback on my article: Scientists say that Kids "Need" Spirituality

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  1. profile image0
    syedmuhammadkhan21posted 3 years ago

    Hi Hubbers,

    I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
    Here is my article: Scientists say that Kids "Need" Spirituality (must be signed in to view)

    1. theraggededge profile image96
      theraggededgeposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Hi there,

      You need to add a source for the information. You also have to say what the 'proof' consists of. It's all a bit vague.

      Put your subheadings in the text capsules, not the photo capsules.

      The part about 'children's happiness is mostly affected by spirituality' is rather odd. I bet if you asked the average child what made them happy, they are not going to say spirituality (or whatever form would imply that). Maybe you could explore that a bit more?

      The section about introducing spirituality to children is too short. Could you add extra detail there?

      It's an interesting topic, you just need more of it. And references at the bottom. With links. smile

      Edit: Oh... change 'kids' to 'children' in the title. Kids looks unprofessional.

  2. profile image0
    syedmuhammadkhan21posted 3 years ago

    Thank you very much for your precious feedback, I will incorporate them in this article

  3. psycheskinner profile image83
    psycheskinnerposted 3 years ago

    I read the article and I think you are completely misrepresenting it.  If you want to use that paper to support what you are saying, you need to describe what the connection is.  I doubt the scientists and question would agree with your title.

  4. theraggededge profile image96
    theraggededgeposted 3 years ago

    Yes, the title is a problem. The paper does not mention that children 'need' spirituality, only that it 'may' be linked to well-being.

  5. psycheskinner profile image83
    psycheskinnerposted 3 years ago

    And you put need in quotes, as if they specifically said that

  6. profile image0
    syedmuhammadkhan21posted 3 years ago

    I've renamed it to: "Scientists Say That Spirituality Is Essential for Children's Happiness"
    Will this be OK? I understand what you're trying to say

  7. profile image0
    syedmuhammadkhan21posted 3 years ago

    I have also taken out the phrase "scientists say" - is it ok now? I did the edits, how does it look now?

    1. AliciaC profile image94
      AliciaCposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      I think you still need to work on the title and some points in the article. I read the Abstract and the Implications sections of the paper and scanned the rest. The writers don't say that spirituality is essential for happiness in children. They use phrases such as "linked to" and "associated with" and words such as "may" and "might" to describe the relationship.

      I notice that you say that the study was recent. I don't consider 2008 (the date on the paper) to be recent.

  8. profile image0
    syedmuhammadkhan21posted 3 years ago

    The writers don't and I mention it in the bottom that the article is based on my inference on the data they provided - the writers said that spirituality and children's happiness is correlated - hence I am asserting that it is essential for them, everyone wants kids to be happy.

    Is there a way for me to give this kind of tone to the article?

  9. profile image0
    syedmuhammadkhan21posted 3 years ago

    PS, what are these numbers on the lower corner of the profile pictures?

    1. AliciaC profile image94
      AliciaCposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      The explanation about Hubber Score (the number on our profile picture) and HubScore is given in the answer to question 6 in the link below.


      I would suggest that you move your Author's Note nearer to the top of the article so that readers know that what they are about to read is your interpretation of the research results and includes your ideas.

      I would also suggest the following. When you make a claim that the researchers have said or proven something, make sure that you accurately quote or describe their statements in the paper and that you don't make a personal interpretation of the statements or data.

  10. theraggededge profile image96
    theraggededgeposted 3 years ago

    Yes, what Alicia says. You cannot take a study that 'sort of' supports your view and then change their conclusions to fit your own.

    However, you could write an independent article from your own personal experience and then refer to the study in passing (with a relevant quote), rather than base the whole article on the study. You could also look for other studies or authoritative sources.

  11. profile image0
    syedmuhammadkhan21posted 3 years ago

    So you mean that I can say that spirituality is good for children because of all the things I have described and then just for support, I can quote that those scientists have found a positive correlation between spirituality and children's happiness.

  12. profile image0
    syedmuhammadkhan21posted 3 years ago

    First of all, thank you everyone for your help and support. I really did learn a lot (No one's a pro by birth, one has to learn). I also apologize for bugging you again and again. But I do have one last request, I have edited it further and even given a note in the very beginning, does it look OK now? And if not then can you please point out the specific problems with it.

  13. theraggededge profile image96
    theraggededgeposted 3 years ago

    You don't need the note at the top. You should add a summary though (there is a specific space for it) - one or two sentences that sum up your article. This text is what appears in search engines and on your profile.

    You see, your first sentences are making those concrete claims again. The study does not back them up - the study says spirituality 'may' enhance their well-being. Don't mention the scientists until later on in the article. This is your opinion, so own it.

    Next part... it was not 'proved' that spirituality was THE major factor in children's happiness. It was A factor. I would also question the 'spiritual being' part too. Most children have more faith in Santa Claus.

    I get the feeling that you don't have children of your own? If you did, you would have a far more pragmatic view on how spiritual they are. Feeling loved and supported by their parents and family is based on a child's need for security and a stable framework. Read Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs so you understand what comes first:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27 … y_of_needs

    Only after those basic needs are fulfilled, can you turn to 'higher' factors.

    You have to remember that the study was carried out on a very small number (320) of children who attended **faith based schools**.  And there's the problem. There will be inevitable commonalities between them. These children are not a representation of children worldwide, so while the study might be an interesting basis to start from, it is not 'proof'.

    Like I said previously, you can't take a study that appears to support your own beliefs and use it as an absolute truth. You can write the article from your own viewpoint, and perhaps reference the study once, but you shouldn't hang the whole article on it. Not unless you can find other studies that back it up.

    Back to the 'introducing spirituality to children', your suggestions aren't very specific. Could you recommend a few actual stories or a website that might help? And you've missed a trick with the 'nature' thing. I found that with my home-educated children that going for walks in the woods and at the beach was fundamental in promoting that 'awe'. Music, too, was a good way to promote spiritual well-being. And, of course, being happy in their family surroundings was also 'feel-good'. Something I don't think you mentioned was that children with spiritual parents are likely to be spiritual themselves. You can model it all you like, but children are perceptive- they have to know their parents are sincere in their beliefs.

    In fact, one of my kids loved the great outdoors and that whole nature aspect so much that he has made it his career. The other is a musician. So making early spiritual connections is worth every moment.

    See what you can do. You can make this article really, really good if you are prepared to work on it.

    Here's an interesting page: https://www.open.edu/openlearn/body-min … irituality

    And while I was looking, it seems you have based your article on one on Psychology Today. Again, the writer has hung the whole article on that study without taking a critical look at it.

  14. profile image0
    syedmuhammadkhan21posted 3 years ago

    Thanks a lot, I think I'll kick out the scientist part altogether and base it entirely on my opinion - that will solve some miscommunication problems - and I'll add these things up. I really do want to make this one good, and I think that I can. Thank you very much for your help.

    1. theraggededge profile image96
      theraggededgeposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      No, don't lose the reference altogether. It gives the article a measure credibility. I'm saying, don't base the whole thing around the study because it is so small and based on a narrow data set.

      You have to find a balance between information and personal experience. Too much personal experience and it becomes a blog post. Too much information (based on data) and it becomes boring.

      So research like a crazy researching thing and add in your own view (remember how you felt when you were a child?). Decide who you are writing this for - parents - and give them some useful guidelines.

      Add your well-researched references at the bottom.

  15. profile image0
    syedmuhammadkhan21posted 3 years ago

    I've edited, trimmed and even toned down the assertive parts. I hope that it looks good now. I have mixed the research bit with my thoughts and I think it may be pretty convincing for people. PS Thank you everyone for their help and support.

    1. theraggededge profile image96
      theraggededgeposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Much, much better.
      Now you are on track for all your future articles smile

      But it isn't a recent study; it's 10 years old. Better change that bit. Say "In a 2010 study carried out by...."

  16. profile image0
    syedmuhammadkhan21posted 3 years ago

    Oops (about the recent part) and Thanks a lot for your help and support.


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