I'd Like Feedback: 10 Tongue Twisters to Improve English Pronunciation

1. 86

   Diana Grantposted 4 years ago

   https://hubpages.com/education/english_tongue_twisters
   
   Owlcation has just rejected it, so I need to make some changes. In particular, do you think I should remove my own made-up tongue twister at the end?

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   1. 76

      theraggededgeposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Hi Diana,
      
      Here's what I would do:
      
      Get rid of the ugly first image and the Aztec one at the end. Don't mention your t-shirts.
      
      Remove the frames from the other images.
      
      Go through the text and eliminate unnecessary words. For example, 'when you read them to yourself'. You only need, 'when you read them'.
      
      And, 'repeating them several times until you get it right.' You only need 'repeating them until you get it right'. Getting tough on the 'unnecessaries'  tightens up the writing.
      
      Read every sentence and see if tyou can shorten it. Another example, 'Further down this page you will find various tongue twisters set out in detail.' I would say, 'Further down this page you will find various tongue twisters to try.'
      
      Also get rid of 'very'. It dilutes your writing.
      
      I don't know if it will work to get the article to Owlcation, but it might.

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      1. 86

         Diana Grantposted 4 years agoin reply to this

         Thanks for your help.  I'm changing the wording in the way you suggest, including any reference to a T-shirt design, and am considering removing the two pictures you mentioned and also the tongue twister that I made up myself.  But I can't quite bring myself to do it - I really thought the pictures would give it character.  I'll sleep on it .....plant a seed and let it grow.

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      2. 79

         MariaMontgomeryposted 4 years agoin reply to this

         Also, "further" should be "farther". Farther refers to distance, while further refers to more of something -- unless you're in the UK, I'm told.

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            theraggededgeposted 4 years agoin reply to this

            Diana and I are both in the UK

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   2. 78

      Miebakagh57posted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Hi there, you were reminding me of brief tongue twisting lesson I took, back when I was a child.                             I like the first photo. It fits well within the period tongue twistters began to trend. Equally, it looks archaic and not in terms of modern trends. I would advice you look for a resemblance in which subject twist face in modern suits.       Your composed twister is good. It shows originality in you work. However, I detect a lacuna, the (o') its archaitic.                         Seriously, you have determined not to deleted your twister as another has suggest. Then change o' to of.       All the best for it to sail through.

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2. 0

   Beth Eaglescliffeposted 4 years ago

   I agree with theraggededge about the first picture. It's 'orrible!
   
   Have you emailed the team to find out why it didn't make it to Owlcation? It may be that it duplicates or is similar to an article already on that site, e.g. this one by Rupert Taylor https://owlcation.com/humanities/Tangli … e-twisters

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   1. 86

      Diana Grantposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      No, they didn't say that it duplicates or similar to another article. 
      
      It's funny, I love that first picture - I took ages to Photoshop it, and thought it would be both funny and eye-catching.

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3. 92

   innerspinposted 4 years ago

   I agree with both previous responses. Not sure how much you've updated the article since you wrote it, it does need some adjustments. I'd also suggest changing/altering the rugged rocks photo. Having a sloping sea is never good. If it's your photo, edit the sea to be level. If not, find another shot.

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      theraggededgeposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      I didn't notice that.
      
      And isn't it Llanelli? Or is Llanelly somewhere else?

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         Beth Eaglescliffeposted 4 years agoin reply to this

         
         
         Llanelli is the town near Swansea, but there is also a village called Llanelly, near Abergavenny in Monmouthshire.

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         1. 76

            theraggededgeposted 4 years agoin reply to this

            Abergavenny was landlocked last time I was there I think Llanelly might also be the English spelling of Llanelli but no one uses it.

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