I'd like feedback on my article: Five Easy Steps to Guaranteed Happiness

1. 61

   POONAM SHEKHAWATposted 4 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
   Here is my article: Five Easy Steps to Guaranteed Happiness (must be signed in to view)

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   1. 83

      GwennyOhposted 4 years agoin reply to this

      Writing from a first person perspective is not generally highly valued content, and it might be worth the effort to rewrite it from another perspective. When you first publish it there's a chance it will do okay for a while, but with first person perspective it has been my own experience that an article will sooner or later fail to draw traffic.
      
      "There was a period in my life when I used to think myself unfortunate, discouraged, and good for nothing fellow."
      Suggestion: There was a period in my life when I saw myself as an unfortunate, discouraged, and good for nothing fellow. (Also, the word 'discouraged' seems out of place due to that one had to first be encouraged to be discouraged, and you are beginning with being discouraged in this post... like a jigsaw puzzle with a missing piece).
      
      "My fantasies did not work out."
      Misuse of the word 'fantasies'; dreams and goals don't work out--they relate to goals we have for our life path to entail; fantasies are a different thing.  A fantasy could be having dinner with a hot celebrity, or even two and a can of whipped cream; and a goal would be having a respectable and well paid line of work and a beautiful house.
      
      "My well-being was broken..."
      Awkward, as imho, one has well being or does not; but one does not have 'broken well being.'
      
      "The galore of problems encircled me."
      Suggestion: Problems galore encirled me.
      
      "I gave a reason for my despondency to many things like I am unhappy because of my poor health..."
      Too much 'I.' In that state my despondency was easily attributed to many things, such as being unhappy due to poor health...
      
      "I am gloomy because of my relationship..."
      I recommend replacing the word gloomy, as it is awkward. Gloomy is rain and cloud cover. Down or sullen might be better options. Also, at this point you are talking about how you felt in the past, so 'I was' would be appropriate rather than  'I am.'
      
      "I am dissatisfied because of lower-income. I accused everyone or anything."
      First, two different tenses were used--you are NOW dissatisfied, but in THE PAST you accused everyone and everything. Keep tenses aligned. Suggestion: Being dissatisfied with my low income, everyone and everything was to blame for my problems. (Also, you have already remarked on two other reasons your life was so uncomfortable; you mentioned health and relationship problems, now income. Group them together, then in future instances refer to them as 'life issues,' or 'problems,' perhaps).
      
      I only had time to remark this far in, but hope it provides clarity.
      
      I agree with what AliciaC said on that you can't have one solution that provides the key to happiness for everyone, but with a really well worded introduction, such as suggesting something like, that "it cannot and will not work for everyone due to differing beliefs, paths, mental and physical statuses and so on, but it's worth a shot for those with an open mind who are willing to try." Of course the title would need to be adjusted, and definitely the word 'Guaranteed,' should be removed.

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2. 93

   AliciaCposted 4 years ago

   Hi. I'll share a few problems that I noticed. First, you say in your bio that you are a "she." In the article, you say that you are a man. This inconsistency will create a bad impression for readers.
   
   Secondly, no one can guarantee happiness in someone else. We can make suggestions and personally help people, but we can't guarantee that everyone will be happy after we've done this.
   
   Another problem is that one of your recommended steps is to read the Bhagavad Gita. (I noticed that you've spelled the name two ways in your article. You should be consistent.) While reading the Bhagavad Gita may help some people, it may not help people with a different belief system. This is another reason why you can't guarantee that your suggestions will make everyone happy.

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