Need suggestions for improvement

1. 64

   Arbab Zahoorposted 3 years ago

   Hi, I update my article. It seems good now, but I still need your suggestions. It is an essay type with proper references. Here is a link.
   
   https://discover.hubpages.com/technolog … erbullying

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   1. 71

      theraggededgeposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Hi there,
      
      Your article is not written to the title. That means that you haven't given the information that is promised. The article focuses almost exclusively on cyberbullying and its effect on individuals.
      
      Crime isn't mentioned apart from in the overused key-phrase 'cybercrime and cyberbullying'. You haven't mentioned hacking, phishing, or other criminal disruption.
      
      To be honest, there's nothing new or informative. It's material most people using the Internet are already aware of. You have just pulled out some generic information from various studies without distilling it. There are no examples of cyberbullying included.
      
      So perhaps rethink the title so that it reflects the content, or add more content to cover the missing information. It's a bit short anyway.
      
      Use call-out capsules for the quotes. Remove the bold and italic text.
      
      Split the text into multiple text capsules and add relevant subheadings.
      
      Reduce the use of 'tech' and its various forms. It occurs 40 times in a very short article.
      
      Lots of work to do, but I'm sure you can do it. Read the articles on the network site to see good examples: https://turbofuture.com
      
      Good luck.

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      1. 64

         Arbab Zahoorposted 3 years agoin reply to this

         It is a wonderful suggestion. Thank You. I will work on my mistakes.

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   2. 86

      Miebakagh57posted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Hey, I've take a look at your article. Apart from the introduction, the body of the read needs to be split into various sub-titles or sub-headings.                                      The bold or underling serves no useful purpose. All text should have the same formatting.                                 Seriously, the topic is lacking in the body of the write. Much less in the introduction. So, mid-way I couldn't go further.                                    Critically, your subject is too general. You've got to write a specific topic on cybercrime.

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      1. 64

         Arbab Zahoorposted 3 years agoin reply to this

         Alright, Miebakagh. I am working on the mistakes and will edit the article soon.

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         1. 86

            Miebakagh57posted 3 years agoin reply to this

            Great!

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   3. 47

      erorantesposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Good morning mister Arab Zahoor. I was reading your article. It is informative. It is a truthful story. It is a serious issue. I like it. It makes sense what you wrote. A lot of people are affected by others behaviors. Your article needs two more pictures that goes with the subject.

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   4. 86

      Miebakagh57posted 3 years agoin reply to this

      No, Arbah no.                                      You've fail to implement our basic suggestions. Where are the various sub topics apart from the introduction? And, besides, you've failed to put them intro into a capsule!                                      Obviously, you seems to put bold texts into a quote. Why not make three of these quote textsinto a callout capsule?

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2. 82

   Stephen Tomkinsonposted 3 years ago

   You have rightly thanked theraggededge for her suggestions. She always takes the time to help and we should all be grateful.
   I entirely agree with the points she makes but would add a little more about your title. Technology is an integral and necessary part of cybercrime - as such it doesn't have a role. It's like saying  "The Role of French in Writing French Literature". You might consider something like:
   " The Misuse of Technology - Cybercrime and Cyberbullying"

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   1. 64

      Arbab Zahoorposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Thank you for the suggestion. I will correct the things soon.

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