I'd like feedback on my article: 10 Great Songs of Longing and Loss

1. 81

   Stephen Tomkinsonposted 3 years ago

   Hi Hubbers,
   
   I'd like some help with passing the Quality Assessment Process. Will you please give feedback on my article? What can I do to improve? Thanks!
   Here is my article: 10 Great Songs of Longing and Loss

   replyreport
   1. 65

      OldRosesposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      I believe that you can have up to 10 different bios.  I would suggest changing the bio on this and other articles dealing with music to have something to do with your musical expertise.  Do you collect recordings?  Do you specialize in one genre?  How long have you been following music/genre?  Do you follow mainly groups or solo artists?  Something along those lines.  The idea is to give the reader an idea of why your article is worth reading.

      replyreport
   2. 94

      AliciaCposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Hi, Stephen. In general, I think you've written a good article, but I see some things that you could improve.
      
      Perhaps you could move the first sentence elsewhere so that you start the article on a positive note. It seems to me that you've emphasized that someone else wouldn't like the music at the start of the article, which doesn't seem like a good idea. In addition, your title says that you are writing about great songs, but you end the article by saying that you'll probably have different favorites next week, which seems a little inconsistent.
      
      Thanking other writers for their suggestions to improve the article seems fine to me, but I don't think you need to advertise that the first edition of the article was badly organized. In addition, while I think it's fine to thank someone for making an important suggestion, I don't think you need to point out that your mistake was "egregious."
      
      Lengthening the paragraphs might be helpful, especially the ones that consist of just one sentence.
      
      Perhaps the editor didn't like the period after the song title in the capsules. You could solve this problem by writing "by" instead of a period.
      
      You might want to read the text again to catch some minor problems. For example, in one place you refer to "our video," which was a surprise.
      
      The Debutante video isn't working for me, perhaps because I'm in Canada. I just previewed this post and saw that nobody else has mentioned the video problem, so the problem is probably due to my location.

      replyreport
2. 76

   Misbah786posted 3 years ago

   Steve, I'm not sure why the article is failing the QAP.  I think it looks nice now. I also can't find any broken links. But I  believe you should properly credit the first image. I believe you should try writing the subheadings like this:
   
   "Who Knows Where The Time Goes? — Sandy Denny"
   
                              or
   
   "Who Knows Where The Time Goes? By Sandy Denny"
   
   
   Well, I discovered a big blunder type of ad by HP on your article. A video advertisement:
   
   
   
   Best wishes!!

   replyreport
3. 81

   Stephen Tomkinsonposted 3 years ago

   Thank you, Old Roses. I see your point. Actually, I don't think it's a bad article (not that you say it is). HubPages suggested that it might be spammy content - can't see it. Well, I'll keep tinkering.

   replyreport
   1. 82

      theraggededgeposted 3 years agoin reply to this

      They have a bit of a nerve to accuse writers of 'spammy content' when they plaster our articles with... spam.

      replyreport
4. 81

   Stephen Tomkinsonposted 3 years ago

   Indeed, but these are automatic responses. We all have stories about being trapped by algorithms - another article perhaps. Even so, I'm not sure how to get out of this. I think the article is ok.

   replyreport
   1. 76

      Misbah786posted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Steve, HP's automated system can be very annoying at times. Maybe send an email to team@hubpages informing them of the problem. I once had a similar issue when their automated system kept unpublishing my article and sending me emails claiming that it was duplicate content. Matt Wells helped me with that issue.

      replyreport
5. 81

   Stephen Tomkinsonposted 3 years ago

   Thanks for your time and trouble everyone. Truly appreciated. I have edited the article again and taken into account your suggestions. I was particularly sorry to drop the word "egregious" from the text because it's one of my favorites.
   I was surprised that there was trouble with the Aztec Camera link as it seemed to work fine here in sunny (too sunny) Spain. I've replaced that song with another.
   Let's see if this latest reworking does the trick.
   Best to all, Steve.

   replyreport
6. 71

   PaulGoodman67posted 3 years ago

   These are my thoughts:
   
   The article concerns "longing and loss", but the photo heading of the embracing couple to me evokes "togetherness", the complete opposite!
   
   I think your tone is a bit too conversational and not in a good way. It would help if your "voice" was more authoritative and definitive.
   
   Thanking other HP writers in the main body of the article for helping you might be admirable, but it doesn't help to convey the idea that you're a professional writer.
   
   OldRoses is right that you need to put concrete reasons as to why your opinion matters in your article bio. Neither your main bio or the article one are great imho.
   
   Take your main bio and the sentence: "Hello. I suppose that I would describe myself as having an insatiable curiosity about the world and our place in it."
   
   That opening sentence sounds wishy-washy and weak, it suggests that you aren't exactly confident in what your passions are. Wouldn't it be stronger to put something like: "My curiosity about the world and our place in it is insatiable".
   
   There's a general vagueness and uncertainty in your tone generally. That's the main issue for me. As a reader, I don't feel convinced that you have real passion or expertise from the writing. It needs strengthening, made more definitive, authoritative, professional.

   replyreport
7. 81

   Stephen Tomkinsonposted 3 years ago

   Thanks, Paul. A thought-provoking critique.

   replyreport
   1. 71

      PaulGoodman67posted 3 years agoin reply to this

      It's a bit like a job interview, in my opinion. You have to create the impression that you're both knowledgeable and passionate.
      
      I think you are those things, but you really have to push them with your words. The impression that you give counts for everything. Internet readers are super-fickle.
      
      (I studied philosophy, too, by the way. I have a degree from Leicester University from way back in the 1980's!)

      replyreport
8. 81

   Stephen Tomkinsonposted 3 years ago

   Nottingham in the 70s for me. You are right, paul, I am a little reluctant to push my opinions on people, a trait that shows in my writing.

   replyreport
9. 81

   Stephen Tomkinsonposted 3 years ago

   The article has passed. Thanks for the help.

   replyreport
   1. 76

      Misbah786posted 3 years agoin reply to this

      Great!

      replyreport