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Truths For Mature Humans

  1. raisingme profile image82
    raisingmeposted 7 years ago

    1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

    2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

    3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

    4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

    5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

    6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

    7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

    8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

    9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. 

    10. Bad decisions make good stories.

    11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 

    12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

    13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. 

    14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

    15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 

    16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

    17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. 

    18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

    19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

    20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

    21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 

    22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

    23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time! 

    24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.  That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.     (Ladies.....Quit Laughing.)

    1. Greek One profile image76
      Greek Oneposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      ... but women always claim that our brains are located in our groin anyway?

    2. profile image0
      Richard Stephenposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Great stuff and I swear every single one is true!  Thanks for the laughs!

    3. Medora Trevilian profile image56
      Medora Trevilianposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      Kay Jewelers may have it wrong, but if jewelry and kissing are totally unrelated, then what is jewelry for?

  2. h.a.borcich profile image59
    h.a.borcichposted 7 years ago

    LMAO smile I needed the smiles, Thank you

  3. Cagsil profile image60
    Cagsilposted 7 years ago

    lol lol

  4. SognoPiccolo profile image82
    SognoPiccoloposted 7 years ago

    sadly... #5... I know someone who can.. and will get super pissy if its not done to their standards. That is how it is supposed to be folded so fold it THAT way!

    This was fantastic. loved everyone, and all very true.

    1. profile image0
      AMBASSADOR BUTLERposted 7 years agoin reply to this

      I enjoyed the laughing from reading this. Thank you. GOD has a great sense of humor when he created man out of the dust of the ground.

      1. Cagsil profile image60
        Cagsilposted 7 years agoin reply to this

        roll Give it a rest.

  5. saleheensblog profile image61
    saleheensblogposted 7 years ago


  6. Denise Handlon profile image90
    Denise Handlonposted 7 years ago

    LMAO at the list.  If I only knew how to make those cheery little faces that are bouncing up and down with their mouths wide open !   Someone please advise...

    Cagsil-loved the comeback  LOL

  7. iantoPF profile image81
    iantoPFposted 7 years ago

    @ raisingme; Terrific, reminded me so much of Robert Fulghum. I thouroughly enjoyed this even my first cup of coffee had to wait until I read it twice.

  8. SomewayOuttaHere profile image61
    SomewayOuttaHereposted 7 years ago

    ...thanks for the chuckle this a.m. RM...i liked 22. and 24. the most.

  9. timorous profile image84
    timorousposted 7 years ago

    Thanks for some good laughs, and perhaps truths.

    @ #5. I don't think there is a proper way of folding a fitted sheet.  I only have one anyway, so it just comes out of the dryer and onto the bed (with my assistance of course).

    @ #19. It's only appropriate to ask "What?" twice.  After that, you shrug your shoulders and nod politely.  If this continues without you still understanding, you can look at your watch 3 times to see what time it is.

    #25. Liquids cannot be poured out of flimsy plastic bags, without spilling about 30% of the contents.