o.k guys I been gone awhile again - for those of you who know the hell I been through thought I would give you an up date - o.k so, been tryin to help my son - but he went off the deep end again and beat the hell out of me - the cops hauled him off - so - I was bruised from my head to my toe - and next thing I know DHS is calling me a child abuser - what the hell? Said they would take my mother in law and daughter away if I didn't do exactly what they said - so I delt with everything privatly to prove my innocence - cost all my income - but I did it- and finally figured out my son is most likley bi-polar - o.k - knew a guy for about two years - he wanted to be close friends - I explained - no relationships at this point - he was fine with it - nice - loving - kind - told me everything I wanted to hear - then .... he stole my money I had made back from having to defend myself against DHS - What the hell? O.k so, my crazy land-lords brother wouldn't stop grabbing and gropping me so I complained to my land lord and got evicted - What the hell? So here I sit - the kid cant come back till he gets some medication - I made my money twice this month but - well ... its gone and I gotta be outta here in two weeks , cant make an income three times in a month and move that quick - I'm headed to the psychologist now to give her an ear full ... if anyone prays .. pray for me now cause I'm kinda screwed again - but I swear I'm gonna stay smiling
wow. I dont know what to say. I am glad you have some idea what's up with your son, bi-polar is not fun. I hope he gets the help he needs. You too. wow. Hopefully the psychologist knows of some income type resources for you? or housing, I think if you could find a way out of there, it would be good for you. Sending the most positive hopes and thoughts I can your way....
yeah , really - I'll look into resources today - but with this economy I found most to be out of funds - but I'll still try again - was thinking of throwing my pay-pal address up and asking people for a buck or so here and there - or selling post cards or something - I allready do haul jobs and painting jobs when they come in - though I do have a hernia and am not supposed to lift things - I got lucky and had some furniture to move the other day - no choice - had to do it - it helped to get a bill paid and some diapers for my mother in law so, yeah , I kinda didn't worry about the hernia - just did what I had to do -
Good for you for doing what you can find to do to help!
But.... (I'm being the Mama Bear here...) please do take care of yourself and that hernia! It's good to do everything you can find to do by way of work - but you also don't want to do something today that will make your work and all of your life more difficult a few months down the road. What would your finances and earning potential be if you have to have surgery for the hernia (my husband did once)?
As far as resources and this economy go, I have another idea that will probably get me jumped on big time here in the forums. I'm ready for it. [After that one, there's another idea that I will post separately; this one is pretty long.]
I've worked in churches in various ways for many years, often in their office. Every one that I have been in has been ready and willing to help people out financially, when there is a genuine need. Some have policies that limit how much they can help one specific person, and some have a process that people have to go through in requesting help. It varies quite a bit from church to church. The ones I have been in have helped people, including strangers whom they may never ever see again, to the tune of $50 to several hundred dollars. It all depends on the specific church and the individual circumstances. Most people who are not involved in a church are understandably reluctant to ask one for help, but the help is frequently available for the asking.
In my experience, other social organizations such as Salvation Army, soup kitchens, men's and women's shelters, etc., can help direct a person to the specific church that would give the kind of help that person needs. For example, one church may have a food pantry, but would not give out cash; another may have a clothes closet; some may serve as very short-term, temporary shelters; some may pay a store directly for groceries, or pay for a motel or a landlord, but not give the money to the person - because, sadly, there have been people who have used the money for purposes other than what was requested. Also, just as with government social services, the economy has affected the resources available from churches - but that doesn't mean that no help at all is available.
It might be worth checking into - but I strongly recommend getting feedback from other people who know about the specific church first. Sadly, there are those churches that give the rest of us the bad name that I read about so often in the religious forums here! Like the old saying, One bad apple can spoil the whole barrel. But there really are a lot of good apples out there too.
I'll post this now and start typing on the other suggestion that may be more to everyone else's liking.
try to take care of yourself, I understand doing what you have to, though.
starme77, I was thinking about you a day or so ago, noticing that you haven't been here recently, and wondering how you were doing. I hate hearing about all the crap you have been going through, and I am absolutely praying very fervently that you will find all the resources you need to take care of all of these different problems.
Your smile is an inspiration to me! But do be assured that people (and God too) understand if/when you also sometimes need to scream, yell, cry, and vent.
Thanks for the update. Keep us posted. I'll keep praying.
EDIT: I actually meant to say, I hate to hear that you have been going through all that crap!
You are a strong, courageous person starme77. I don't know whether, after everything you have been/are going through I could remain such an honest and open person. Kudos to you!
Thanks for the support guys - helps a ton - I will - no matter what - get my own tax office open eventually - I just keep that future thought in mind and - yes - sometimes I do cry - scream and vent keeps me rollin at times and some good long walks in the cool crisp air helps a ton too
The other suggestion:
Since you mentioned hoping to set up a tax office some time in the future, would it be possible to start recruiting some business for that even now? In this economy, there may be some small businesses that are in a crunch and that either can't afford or don't need a full-time bookkeeper/accountant/tax person. Maybe you could scout around and find several of them and start building a clientele, one small business at a time. Even if it's not enough to support you yet, it could give you some income that wouldn't aggravate your hernia! I'm sure you know of several ways to advertise yourself - in newspapers, craigslist, etc. But you could also print up some business cards and just go around to the small businesses you know to pass them out and ask for referrals. Often business people know about what is going on with other similar businesses, and word gets around.
nice idea - but I cant under my current liscence I have to work for someone else - I have three IRS exams to take before I can open my own office - next season for sure Ill have em done
Well, rats! But good for you for keeping at it. We're all rooting for you.
well you have amazing attitude..i am sure you would pass this rough phase..all the best starme...
Keep your son away from you till he's level. It will take 6 months to a year. If he has to come home, set tight boundaries, or else you'll have more invitations to the policeman's ball than you can handle. The new rule is that *anyone* will steal your money. You have to operate that way because you're going through so much trauma that you really can't tell who's trustworthy and who isn't because you're besieged with trauma.
When you can get clear with you, just you, find your peace, stop spinning because the people around you are spinning, then you'll know what to do and it'll be crystal clear to you. You have to get inside yourself and find your rock solid core. That's where peace is, and when you get there, the answers of how to solve some of these crappy nightmares start coming. But be gentle with you and be hard on all the users and abusers.
See how strong you are? You've already gotten through this much.
You go, girl. You're fine. It's all the other a$$holes around you that aren't. Grab a whip and keep them in line.
Sending all the best. You can do this.
oh , the kid knows now , he can't come back until he is medicated - I'm working on psychatrists appointments and psychologists and stuff for him - I write notes to stay on track of daily things I need to do - like find resources and things - all this between my mother in law and daughter and the dogs and cats and rabbit - and the stupid harrassing land lord that will not leave me alone - I'm working on finding peace - my mother in law is helping me - she has a book on forgiveness and for the longest time I wouldn't even pick it up - she would hold it out to me and I would tell her I'm not reading that I dont want to and she would just smile and say if you want a peaceful heart it starts with forgiveness - so - yeah - now I'm on page thirty and she is right
Just remember, be tough on the a$$holes and be gentle with you. Your son is a tricky thing. But if he doesn't have strong boundaries with consequences for not holding up his part of the deal, the consequences have to happen, or else he is enabled to continue the same stuff. Illness or no illness. There is no difference. I know from experience. I've been through all the stuff you describe.
Tough as nails, hun, that's you. Doesn't mean your not compassionate or loving. Just means you're not going to live this way any more. New ground rules. That's you.
Truth absolutely is stranger than fiction and you are living proof. When we write out the totality of the insanity going on it sounds so crazy, doesn't it?
All I can suggest is take a DEEP breath and tackle things one at a time. Try not to get overwhelmed by all of this negativity.
You will regain your life!
Daniel Carter's advice is spot on.
You can't handle anyone or anything else until you get grounded in yourself.
Even as a mom I'm sure you feel you should be able to resolve your son's issues yourself, you CAN'T. He needs help and therapy and probably (definitely) some mood stabilizers. He is dangerous and you can't afford to risk more violence with him.
Getting evicted may turn out to be a blessing in disguise. At least you don't have to endure that jerk's wandering hands anymore!
Having dealt with my share of life spinning out of control (and still here!) I know you can do it. As you have important decisions to make, don't hesitate to bounce them off other people.
Your hubber community cares about you. We may not all have the perfect answers, but you know that we won't con you, scam you or hurt you. And if someone gives you shitty advice, he or she will be called out by others.
Good luck, take care, and we're pulling for ya, starme! MM
Thanks mighty mom - I do make lists and every day I listen to the song one day at a time by cristy lane - gotta take one day and one thing at a time and know I am only one person - I do catch myself not eating and make myself eat - I do try to lay down for at least 30 minutes each day - but - yeah I still pick up heavy items - scrap metal and mess up my hernia - I gotta quit that it keeps blowin up bigger on me
You rock, MM. Love that about you.
So do you, starme. Totally rock.
I was just watching when my mother in law was real sick and couldnt walk and I spent two months getting her walking agin here she is walking up the steps - its not the best video quality but wow just a couple months before I was carrying her everywhere
makes me smile anyway
this ones good too http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSLT0zZC0WM
had to do something to make me smile so watching these helps me
*smile* *leaky eyes*
That is just way beyond cool. You are such a loving DIL. Thanks so much for sharing this.
thanks for the compliment - I was just so glad to see her walking again - took alot of research on my own to figure out she was way overmedicated and then I researched out a really good doc - fired the physical therapist and got her walking again - made me feel so good in times like these I try to stop and find things that make me happy at least once or twice a day I'm headed out now got alot to do today hope yours is a great one
Sometimes our unpredicted life puts us into a very real personal Hell. Main task is to get out with your health and sanity intact. I am sure you can do that.
Hey, starme, thanks for the e-mail and the link! I will definitely check that out. I've been bouncing around forums this evening, while at the same time trying to finish a Hub that just won't work out right. I'll try to spend some time with that link soon. I hope your day has turned out better than it started!
It turned out to be pretty good - I'm still working at getting some money up to get out of here before the landlords pull me into court - we'll see what happens - different sources are turning out about the same - no funding - or limited funding to you know - food or whatever - but I have food stamps at the moment - what I need is a place to live and some diapers for my mother in law - holy cow - this sucks
dial one dial two - oh call this number - dial one - dial two in english in espaole - o.k well see, no funding for that because blah blah blah - here try this number -can't help either what the hell? o.k I'm gonna throw this phone out the freaking window ... time for some music and a short nap and a cup o tea shit! ...... just keep smilin and keep ventin yeah o.k
psychologist says I have post tramatic stress disorder from all the times I got beat up and all the yelling and stuff - its weird - see I can't stand loud noises or stomping or anything right now it like... freaks me out .... but she says I'll get better from it - just 20 years of hell has really screwed me up -
Hey Starme - Daniel, Mighty Mom, and Aficionada have some excellent advice for you. I'd like to give some too, but don't feel qualified since I can't get my daughter to accept what I have to say in regards to her bi-polar aunt.
As for you, though, you're a wonderful person and have lots to be proud of. Don't forget to take time to breathe and take care of yourself! That's most important, because taking care of the self enables others to care for you too, and your son will pay attention even if he struggles with the concept.
Thanks your right I'm working on it ... noticed I hadn't showered or eatin in like 3 days - time to eat and shower and take care of myself ... your absolutly right ! I mean I been trying to take little breaks , have a cup of tea here and there and take a little nap here and there - but really eating and taking a shower would be wise also .... I think I'm hungry .... I'm gonna go eat and take a shower and hey its friday so after I get my mother in law all set up .... I think I'll take a nap too and figure more stuff out on Monday
Starme77-I'm sorry to read that you have been dished out an overflowing plate full. I would agree with the psychologists who recognize a PTSD in you. How could you not have some fallout from the assaults.
I hope you are moving forward in a positive way. You did the right thing reaching out for support. Hang in there and take it one day at a time. There is some sound advice moving through this thread...but, do keep us updated. Thanks for sharing. Sending hugs and prayers.
hey ... my boyfriend ..... I found out ... wasnt so bad after all ... my pstd really made me think everyone was against me ... he actually is really sweet ... I'm like ... in a really, really ...protective mode ... do it yourself ... ya know ... to hell with the world ... well... see , he wanted to help me really bad (cause he makes good money) but... I wouldn't let him ... trusted no one ...but me.. so ... anyway .... I'm gettin better with that and am glad to have him around ... finally let down a bit of a wall and let him help me out (a bit) with some things and am glad that he loves me
o.k ... on the other hand ... the stupid screwed up land lords brother who sold the drugs to my husband months ago .... who also has a business basicly in my driveway .. the same landlords who are evicting me because I refused to have sex for rent basicaly.. (what the hell?) Anyway ... well he took out a restraing order on me for abuse of him ... see he is older ... like 72 ... and grabbed my butt so I got pissed and then they evicted me .. so . .. now I am an elder abuser ... (what the hell?) look at my hubs .... shit ... thats all they are about ... and adult protective services just cleared me for that last week ... what ... EVER.... or What the hell? really ... come on this is getting weirder and weirder
got it guys - found a place - got the $$$$ and - a nice - comfortable place- thank God I'm finally outta here moving outta tweekerville this weekend .... oh .... yeah bout time : YEAH .... Oh YEAH
all moved out wow was that a hell of a week - on top of that check this out - DHS wanted to take my kids and give them to the dad - yeah - the druggie - they approved his house - o.k and we went to court - his house - wow guys this should so be on dateline or something - I'm gonna see about getting this story out - so... I am licensed foster care for the soon to be ex's 86 year old mother - and a licensed tax preparer - I live in a 3 bedroom 2 bath house - o.k so now he lives in one room with a blow up mattress on the floor .. and one room mate has had meth charges brought against them - and I take care of his mother .... what the hell? His house was approved for my children .... what.... ever ... my son stays with him cause of his violent stuff .... but I gotta buy his food cause the dad who lives in the one room with the meth head room mate dosnt feed my son well at all .... but... I got no child support ... what the hell .... ever .... anyway the lawyers will take care of this - talk about nuts gee whiz ...
Mega-mega-mucho-mucho Hugs to you, and prayers that DHS will wake up and open their eyes!!!
I'm really glad you've got a new place. Be sure you get some rest and take care of you, so you can keep on taking care of others and can keep on being the lovely, upbeat person you are.
Thanks - my lawyer says these kinds of cases tend to kinda "go away" but not this one by God its going on dateline or cnbc or something cause this is like, totally ridiculous - I'm eating well and trying hard to take care of myself while pulling knives from my back on a constant basis - see all this started with my mother and father in law - and their mysterious fourtunes that I ... um... "stoled" ... or what ever - gee me and my mother in law would love to know where her fourtunes are ... hell ... we laugh about it ... cause if the druggies would just tell us where the hell these mysterious fourtunes are.... we would even give them a finders fee ..
Mold is really , really bad I found out , aside from the soon to be ex's friend - (the druggie land lord's brother) I got the eviction notice - because I wanted the bath tub hooked up to the house and refused to be sexually harrassed - here is a video of the crap hole I just moved out of - I sent the video to the air quality environmentlal control place here in Oregon - I'll be be will willing to bet... if the mold came in this fast the entire underneath of the house is total mold - the bath tub was never hooked up to the house and we lived there for four years - there were frogs and slugs and a sinking foundation from the shower running directly under the house the mold you see in this video happened in a couple of days .... it got worse and worse as the years went by and then.... just took off inside like crazy .....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiVagjfnfyI .. copy and paste if ya gotta
Hey there, Starme.
Congratulations on solving a HUGE part of your problem -- getting out of that rat hole!
I have found invaluable help by contacting my local fair housing standards board (here in CA).
I did a quick search to see what resources you have up there in Oregon. Came upon this one titled "Got Mold?"
You are definitely compiling evidence for a Dateline episode. Just be careful you don't end up on 48 Hours or Cold Case instead (NOT lol).
I love that your mother-in-law is teaching you the value of forgiveness. She's SO right (and it's SO hard to believe that until we learn the lesson).
If I might, I would also suggest another healing tip. It's to forget about revenge. Seeking revenge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. It corrodes (or even kills) you but really doesn't affect them at all..
So keep living in the present and tackling what's right in front of you one task at a time.
You're doing great.
Thanks you two - yeah I do agree with the revenge thing except I say it this way - if you stir a pot of shit it just stinks more
DHS is going on a wild goose chase investigation trying to get me for food stamp fraud and all kinds of crap - they call me from cell phones and ask questions - then when I call the number right back it has been dis connected - what the hell?
ok guys this is a good one - so DHS tries to call me a drug addict /alcoholic - so I have an assesment done - proved them wrong - thing is I had a private assesment done - they didnt't like that - wanted me to go to their people - yeah - like I'm that stupid - o.k so ... I get some papers from my attorney and guess what - this is a real kicker - my soon to be ex - tested positive for THC and DHS approved him to take my kids - what the hell? thought they were taking them away from me for that very thing ? Hey ... wait a minute ... if I smoke some pot will I get to keep my kids ? lol My attorney says this case wont make it past the DA's desk - will not even make it to court - its a joke - and for the stresses they have caused me - I'm lookin for a good attorney to sue em - and yes I still have my kids - they lost the first round allready
No Shit But, as a writer I definatly don't have a lack of interesting stories - I don't even have to go looking - just step outside my emotions and I got a hell of alot of good stuff here There is a positive in every negative - just gotta find it keep smiling no matter what and don't drink a thing cause alcohol is a depresent and I , in no way need any kind of depressents at the moment - gotta keep stayin positive - got two court dates this week - gotta keep my mother in law goin good and my daughter and me - my advice in life - keep smiling no matter what and when the negatives come around - turn em into a positive as quick as ya can before they bring ya down
...yea that's what i gather from your posts...you keepin' smilin' somehow...keep doin' it Starme...even with all that white noise surrounding you....and this looks like a good place to get some of it out when you can....you are one strong woman aren't you....
I feel for you Starme77. I hate cps and think they need some reforming. I am having some of the same issues with my daughter. It seems as though if she dont get her way she calls cps and they give the children what they want. I dont understand whats going on these days...
oh yeah I know this why I want to sue them - they need three complaints of abuse - o.k so, they made at least one of them up and I suspect the others also - they didn't do their homework - they said there was domestic violence between me and my husband on march 1st - but my husband had a restraining order on him at that time - so if that had happened one or both of us would have gone to jail - what the hell? Oh their dates and times and even the names of my children are so messed up its not even funny - plain black and white lies on paper - I have asked a lawyer to sue on my behalf and am waiting to hear from him - they even disclosed my new address - in court - where my soon to be ex was sitting - when I have a restraining order on him and had the right for him not to know my new address - if something happens its on them - I do gotta say - I feel less safe in my new house than I expected to cause I wasn't going to disclose my address to him at all
I dont understand why those people do things like this. I also caught them in three lies. They told the judge that my daughter misscarried her baby and put it on court papers. Little do they know I have pages of documentation of everyday of this babys life on hubpages. And even on the court papers it states its a midemenor to falsify information but they didnt care and did...
Oh I know why they do it , money money, money , see they act like they are after my son - but he turns 18 on feb 11th and court to take him away is jan 22 what the hell? o.k let me explain it to ya as I did take foster care training , in foster care training they had a chart all filled out on the wall as to the process of taking a child away - first, they have three (weather ligit or not) complaints , the investigation begins, then , they make a bunch of accusations in court and 9 times out of then (they tell you this) the judge sides with DHS - o.k they got the kids - now - here it is - exact quote from the class "we make it virtually imposible for the parent to get the child back and here is how we do it'" the parent is poor - so we make them take classes, the classes costs money and most times the parent dosnt have transportation - or a job - so , they cant make it to the class - or they cant afford it - so - on to the next step - they didnt full fill what they were supposed to do so, therefor we keep the kids - o.k we get money for these kids - and the foster parents make money , then , if and when the foster parent or any other person decides to adopt the child we go for custody and make a killing adopting the child out - no shit - thats how they taught us in foster care class - now, they aslo said if the child is old enough to ask when they are going home - you - as a foster parent have to tell them - oh, soon honey , real soon , knowing all the while they most likley will never return home - it made me sick all of the people that were there becoming foster parents because they wanted to adopt a baby or an older child for the tax credits - I left and never went back for the rest of the classes - here check out this link - the same DHS wants to give my kids to the dad who tested positive for drugs - look at this story in the same county - this is the kind of crap they liscense - what the hell ? http://www.registerguard.com/csp/cms/si … ty-dhs.csp
...starme...i guess i'll add something positive...in Canada...we try to help folks who don't have a lot of money...attend free parent ed help..free transportation to and fro and other supports to help those parents get their kids back, and supports to work the system that can be really hard to navigate for parents that are distressed......and sometimes, groups like the one i work with attend court to be professional witnesses to help parents get their kids back...the parents that want their kids back...
...it's all so sad isn't it....the systems can really work when they need to work...but when they don't work, it just doesn't make any sense does it...
Canada and other countries really do help each other - unfourtantly - In The U.S people tend to care more about money , stuff and things, I mean I like my country in a lot of ways - but - its just that here - money seems to come before people and that is really , really sad
DHS Finally dismissed the case against me man was it horrible , they made me out to look like some kind of freaking psycho serial killer or something ... it was a hell of alot of paperwork and running do disprove everything they said .. but I did it - took 3 and a half months but its finally overwith case dismissed by the DA today! ........ yeah , its over ,,,, now ... on to writing and getting the divorce attorney on the horn that one , I'm looking forward to
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