So you think you can write?

1. 75

   Mighty Momposted 14 years ago

   This definitely qualified as one of those "resistance is futile" moments -- or so I rationalized -- as the double-teaming sexpots encircled me.

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2. 72

   getitriteposted 14 years ago

   If I give in to temptation I'm surely dead, as these female ninjas are also masters with bow, shuriken, and poison as well.

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3. 69

   Pearldiverposted 14 years ago

   Oh well.. when in doubt.. give them lip-service.. I pulled my bottom lip up, over my head and swallowed the rest of my body.. rendering myself totally unkissable!

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   1. 90

      Denise Handlonposted 14 years agoin reply to this

            Is anyone else reading this whole thread like I am???? 

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4. 73

   lorlie6posted 14 years ago

   Then, to my disgust, the ninjettes began eating my exposed organs, one by one.

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5. 72

   getitriteposted 14 years ago

   Suddenly I disappeared in a puff of smoke, from the bomb that I threw on the deck.

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6. 62

   katiem2posted 14 years ago

   I couldn't help thinking what would they do, what would it be like and yet fought these thoughts as I knew it must be part of the spell they were casting.

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7. 72

   getitriteposted 14 years ago

   But then the spell eased, and the smoke cleared, and both devils were hurling towards me, swords drawn.

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8. 90

   Denise Handlonposted 14 years ago

   Suddenly, I had an epiphany!

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   1. 71

      waynetposted 14 years agoin reply to this

      Which devil was the right one to kill as they both looked quite devilish, although one was wearing a bra, although he had a large bulge from the Satanic regions and the other had no Satanic region....I ventured through the devils bush and fought my way to the Goblin city....

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      1. 90

         Denise Handlonposted 14 years agoin reply to this

         

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9. 90

   Denise Handlonposted 14 years ago

   ...which happened to be located in Hell, Michigan.

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10. 95

    Dolores Monetposted 14 years ago

    It was then I recalled an ancient tale in which demons are said to be unable to resist dancing. I took a deep breath and tapped out a beat on the floor. Quickly moving into my best Fred Astaire tap dancing routine, I could hardly have been more surprised when the devils joined in. They had metal cleats on their shoes! (Or was it hoofs?)

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11. 72

    getitriteposted 14 years ago

    Then, while dancing, I summoned my Shamanic powers, and channeled a grasshopper, enabling me to jump over the wall, leaving the devils perplexed, but what is this scene in front of me now?!

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12. 95

    Dolores Monetposted 14 years ago

    an arctic wilderness, a vast expanse of frigid nothingness without a path. I had to beat it out of there, but I was in a pickle. Girding my loins with courage, I vaulted up to the top of the wall.
    "Hey you two!" I called cheerily, "How bout a trek across a frozen wasteland?"
    In no time at all, the two fiends hopped up on dance and the resulting comraderie, joined me. What the hell, I figured, at least these two could help me stay warm, hot hot hot on the cold cold night.

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    1. 72

       toknowinfoposted 14 years agoin reply to this

       As I sprung over the wall, the cold air took my breath away.  I looked around and a curiosity swept over me at what I saw next.

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13. 72

    getitriteposted 14 years ago

    Not far up ahead stood a pack of ghostly white arctic wolves, glaring, with eyes of fire, at me and my foes; for the moment, we had to band together.

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14. 72

    getitriteposted 14 years ago

    With the wolves in hot pursuit, we dashed through the heavy, deep snow, as I channeled my Shamanic power animal, the cheetah.

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15. 72

    getitriteposted 14 years ago

    I quickly pulled ahead, as I heard the wolves catch and rip the she-devils to pieces, while they let out blood-curdling screams--I kept running, because they were still planning to kill me anyway.

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16. 0

    ralwusposted 14 years ago

    And I saw the shadow take flesh and bone and it walked in moonlight, the devil-give-a-damn-snarl and the tail drenched with blood, those red eyes pupiled with a horrible glint . .  . the snarls like laughter echoing from tree to tree, the claws that raked and left gouges on the flesh of friend and alien alike and the bone crushing beast-strength that split skulls, the beast-strength that was like an odor drifting from him . . . the snarls and growls that faded or bloomed with the sun and rain of its pleasure . . . and next morning the bloodied face lying downward and the lifeless eyes open in the leaf litter, beast drool on the skull . . . all the bright glint and laughter and the memory of fragrantly intoxicating breasts of virgins crushed into the nothingness of oblivion . . . except for the stinking stool deposited under the Linden tree.

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17. 95

    Dolores Monetposted 14 years ago

    But wait, I thought. What the heck is a Linden tree doing in an arctic wasteland? The heavenly scent of the flowering Linden fought with the stench of rotten flesh. But wait...how could flesh so quickly decompose in the frigid air?
         The wolves lay, fat bellied, satiated after gorging on the she devils that had once run beside me, friends almost, allies at least, protecting me from the slathering jaws of the hungry wolves. Somehow, I realized, that those I had once believed to be evil had made the supreme sacrifice. They lay, strewn about me, bloodless chunks of mordant flesh, while I stood, safe, and prepared to make the rest of my journey.
         That was when I heard the distant ringing of a telephone. I stepped out and away from the aromatic branches of the Linden tree to see a phone booth. One of those quaint red ones like they used to have in England. But this place sure didn't look like England. The phone rang again.
         I remembered the warnings of my dear old mother who instructed me ever since I was a tot, never to answer a ringing public phone.

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18. 72

    getitriteposted 14 years ago

    But knowing nothing about my whereabouts, answering the phone seemed my only hope...so I answered it, and heard the voice on the other end say "I'm the distinguished Arctic Shaman, I have assisted you in making it through the land of the Inuit...to your left you will find a frozen brook, follow it, and I will be with you until it turns to running water."

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19. 95

    Dolores Monetposted 14 years ago

    "But how can you be with me when you are talking to me on the telephone?" I glanced around just in case there were more phones cleverly hidden and he was sitting in one of the booths like Cary Grant in an early 1960's romantic thriller.

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20. 72

    getitriteposted 14 years ago

    Suddenly the sky turned to purple, as thunder roared across its dome, and a voice boomed, "I'm all around you, but I see your 700 year old brain has forgotten that I'm a spirit that assisted you 400 years ago in your defeat of Artuk, the warlord of Siberia."

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21. 90

    Denise Handlonposted 14 years ago

    I quivered in my Fred Astaire dancing shoes at the sound of that booming voice.

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22. 75

    Mighty Momposted 14 years ago

    What kind of timewarpy nightmare was I in anyway? I, who had never danced a step in my life, wearing Fred Astaire shoes?

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23. 72

    getitriteposted 14 years ago

    But those shoes were incredibly magical, as I danced with lightning speed and ease along the banks of the frozen brook...not noticing that I had danced right into a deep dark cave that reeked of the smell of sulfer, and moans that sounded like tortured souls...the frozen brook was now a running, boiling, underground stream.

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24. 62

    katiem2posted 14 years ago

    I closed my eyes, clicked my heals together and thought there's no place like home, there's no place like home.

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25. 90

    Denise Handlonposted 14 years ago

    Suddenly, in less than a blink of a newts eye on a witches tit...er, hat, I was holding a picnic basket with ToTo in it and dancing a two step with the Tin Man...which was a bit challenging because he kept stiffing up...in all the right places.

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26. 62

    katiem2posted 14 years ago

    Suddenly the sky darkened, the wind blew, things were being tossed about as I could hardly make my way to the house.

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27. 72

    getitriteposted 14 years ago

    To my shock, I passed a man, wearing just a pair of socks, and he asked if he could give me a hug.

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28. 62

    katiem2posted 14 years ago

    Standing cold in my tracks I quickly felt strong, hairy arms around gripping me till I could barely breath.

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29. 69

    JillKostowposted 14 years ago

    As I began to fear my last breath of air the strong hold surrounding my body vanished.  I looked up in panic, terrified of what would be standing in front of me.  My eyes slowly looked up from the ground..."Oh my", I screamed.  I was standing in front of myself.  "How can this be?", I asked with a quivering voice.  The reply was completely terrifying......

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30. 75

    Mighty Momposted 14 years ago

    Using every biofeedback technique at my command, I forced myself to calm down and think rationally (or as rationally as I could, under the bizarre circumstances). Could this be "it?" Was I actually facing my own mortality,that inevitable day of reckoning, when the final tally of a lifetime of good deeds vs. bad deeds determines where we spend eternity?

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31. 69

    JillKostowposted 14 years ago

    I continued to stare into my own eyes.  The stare was heavy and no matter how hard I tried to look away I just couldn't break the endless gaze.  The sky was growing very dark, and the air was beginning to feel as though it was on fire!!!  What is happening? I kept asking myself over and over in my head.  The other figure began to laugh.  The laugh grew louder and louder, the sound was so ear piercing that I thought my head was about to explode.

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32. 72

    getitriteposted 14 years ago

    Suddenly the laughter began to grow fainter, as the sky turned bright blue...and, while still gazing into my own face, I could hear the sound of a choir, singing: 
    "Is this real--or just a dream,
              It's not what it seems."

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33. 69

    SparklingJewelposted 14 years ago

    ...and then the scene changed...my god! what just happened to me?

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