Settle down Mighty Mom, relief is at hand! ...if you'll forgive the turn of phrase.
Forget those sissy musicals - get a real man's job. Become a lumberjack! (If you don't recognise the reference, google" I'm a lumberjack", and check out the Monty Python song clips).
Here's a sample lyric,
I cut down trees, I skip and jump
I like to press wild flow’rs
I put on women's clothing
And hang around in bars
(chorus refrain....)
I cut down trees, I wear high heels
Suspenders and a bra
I wish I'd been a girlie
Just like my dear papa
So, Mom-my, whatcha waitin for? Grab a check flanelette shirt, stay as you are underneath it, and hit those gay bars today!
The news gets better too, if you do organise a Gay Lumberjacks Parade, you even get to have someone else help you with your wood...