Don't know if this is the appropriate place to put this, Team HP, move it to wherever it needs to go, but last night my dear friend and fellow hubber Tess45's son ended his life. She, as you can imagine is devastated. Please send warm thoughts her way. I'm sure they'll be appreciated. Thanks.
Thanks for letting us know Diy, our thoughts go out to Tess.
Omg, that's so terrible. I'm sorry to hear that happened. I hope she's feeling okay, and please be sure to send her my sincerest regards and best wishes.
My thoughts and prayers are with Tess and her family.
That is so sad DIY, thanks for letting us know and our sympathy and prayers are with her and her family
My thoughts and sympathies are with Tess. Such an action is very, very difficult thing for remaining family and friends.
Heading there right after work to take food and well wishes. My heart breaks for her.
Thanks for posting this (definately the right place). This kind of news puts all our Panda woes into perspective. Best wishes and prayers to you, Tess45 and her family.
When one hubber hurts we all hurt.
Please give Tess45 a big group hug from the HP community as well as the individuals (including me!) posting here.
Losing a child is every parent's nightmare.
Losing anyone to suicide is devestating.
Double whammy here. Soooo sorry for Tess.
If it helps even a teeny tiny bit, he was in excruciating pain. He is out of pain now (very small consolation, I know).
Please keep us posted, DIYWP.
This is so sad. I'm praying for you Tess. May God help you understand and heal.
Just left from visiting Tess and her husband, Ed. Think they are still in a bit of shock. Just a heart wrenching situation. They had just had a cook-out at his house, he was in good spirits and now this...can't even begin to get my mind wrapped around it. Just trying to help where I can. I think there's a long road ahead. 20 years old. The words I want to say would get me banned!
"Heart wrenching" is such an apt description. I send my love and prayers along with others.
My husband's family recently experienced a similar loss (a cousin). Over time, it may be possible for the family to understand - there can be many different reasons behind such a tragedy - but surely the shock right now is too raw.
Thank you for being a good friend to them.
Although I've never suffered such a loss, I've known others that have - my wife's cousin took his life at about 20 years old and his mother later basically did the same thing when she refused cancer treatment.
The pain, the shock and disbelief are all beyond description. Tess and family will likely blame themselves, playing the "what if" game in a desperate struggle for understanding.
I know you are (you said so!), but help them DIY. Help them any way you can. And help yourself as well - you, too, will need it. Talk to your family and friends. Come back to HP and keep us posted. Neither you nor Tess and family are alone - reach out and you will find lots of help and understanding.
No way to understand such unbearable pain or loss, may God grant them some solace.
Thanks to all for your wonderful posts here. Can't wait to share them with Tess when she's feeling better
I can't even imagine it!! The pain must be unbearable, I only hope she knows that she couldn't really have done anything to prevent it! Definitely my prayers and heart go out to Tess and her family. May God give her the strength to go on!!
I did talk to her about that last night. I think the first thing that goes through people's minds is self-blame, but I truly think she had done everything in her power as a mother that she possibly could have done.
Although I am a newbie my heart, prayers and peace for all involved goes out to the family and friends. May God be with all of those suffering as they learn to cope with the lost and have the strength to overcome. GOD BLESS
Burying one of my kids is the worst I can imagine. Thinking of this kid's parents from here on the other side of the word.
Tess and her husband drove to her parents' house a few states away to tell them the sad news. They didn't want to break it to them over the phone. They'll be returning and mass will be read on Friday with a genuine Irish wake and crossing over ceremony at her house Friday. In the middle of all of this, I have a wedding rehearsal on Friday, a rehearsal dinner, and a wedding Saturday. Hard to get happy in the middle of something so sad.
My condolences and best wishes to the family and all those left behind to grieve.
Feeling very helpless now. How do you help someone through this kind of grief...I don't know...
Are there some support groups you can gently help lead them to? Or a counselor who specializes in this kind of grief situation? Are other friends stepping in to help too?
As much as you want to, you can't do it all yourself. You have been a wonderful friend and will continue to be one. At the same time, you do have other responsibilities and you need to have some emotional reserves available for them.
I hope you are giving yourself permission to remind yourself that - for now - you have done all you can for them (at this time), that it is allowed for you to take care of this weekend's work (at this time), and that other friends can sit with and mourn with Tess and her husband (at this time). If necessary, pull in some extra help - for yourself - for the events you had previously committed to, so that you can give your attention wherever you feel it is most needed right now.
This will be a long process for them - grieving, coping, coming to grips with the tragedy. And it will probably not be an evenly-paced process. You may want to think of the help you provide as being one leg of a relay race that is a marathon. The baton will come back to you, but it will be best if you don't try to carry it all by yourself the entire time.
great advice aficionada I can't add anything more:)
Thank you, cindi h. I'm sure DIY also is herself in need of thoughts and prayers, since she is so close to the grieving family.
You're right, Aficionada, thanks for giving me a different perspective on this. I have a couple of helpers lined up for tomorrow to help with the wedding stuff, gonna hurry and get that done and then attend the memorial, if I can, then conduct the wedding rehearsal. I may have to skip the rehearsal dinner, so I can attend the wake. Fortunately, because Tess is such a wonderful person, she has many great friends who are stepping up to the plate and I don't feel so torn now. But I do wish I could do more for her.
I realized when I saw her the first day after it happened I must've (finally!) reached adulthood, because while I was hugging her, I was thinking how much I wish I could've just taken that pain from her. I'd rather take a bullet then to see her in this kind of pain.
I am very sorry about the loss of yout friend's son. I have Tess in the family in my prayers.
I am so sorry for her.
I never know what to say when something like this happens.
I just read this thread:
I am so sorry to hear of Tess's pain and ongoing grief.
I trust she finds love and courage to support her durng this time.
May her son rest in peace
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