I was wondering if someone more experienced in writing could critique

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   Cas Merchantposted 13 years ago

   I know I could probably write more effectively, but sometimes I have a hard time articulating what I want to say. I find myself using the same words too often, I have a hard time with my titles, and I don't know if I could say the same thing with less words-less explaining. If someone could give me a few tips, I would be so grateful!

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      gracenotesposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I looked at a few of your hubs.  I don't think you have the problem of using too many words to say something.
      
      Here is an example of "using too many words," and this is from one of my own forum posts! I could have edited this, but chose not to, for some reason:
      
      "I have a good friend (not a hubber) who has great and big and marvelous thoughts about marketing concepts, but who cannot write anything without punctuation, spelling, or other errors."
      
      In this sentence, the marketing concepts and the big and beautiful thoughts are one and the same thing.  I need to change it, to be less redundant.
      
      This sentence would read much better this way:  "I have a good friend (not a hubber) who has developed some big and beautiful marketing concepts, but who cannot write anything without punctuation, spelling, or other errors."
      
      Your Pet Stores and Puppy Mills hub is admirably succinct, and just the kind of thing that will make animal lovers cry, but I believe it would be more readable if you broke up the text into more paragraphs, especially at the beginning.  A better conclusion would have pulled the whole hub together.  The conclusion can be difficult to write.  I know.  I'm always better at introductions, rather than conclusions.  Besides asking readers what they think, there could be a call to action -- like, for instance, telling your readers to boycott any pet store that makes a practice of buying from puppy mills (you don't have to name names of current stores, though!)
      
      As for descriptive writing, you can improve in this area as well.  An online thesaurus will help.  It's not the easiest thing in the world to come up with unique analogies and metaphors.  I'm not particularly good at it either.  It takes practice, and maybe a little time spent writing poetry.
      
      Good luck.

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         Cas Merchantposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you so much for taking the time to help!! I am also going to check out some other hubs on the subject as well.

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      kschangposted 13 years agoin reply to this

      I looked over your "where to find inventory to sell online" hub
      http://casmerchant.hubpages.com/hub/How … ise-online
      
      I see that you tweaked the title as it's very different from the URL now. I think you tweaked it a little too much as it no longer matches the hub itself.
      
      The organization needs a bit of improvement. You need to "hook" the readers by piquing their interest with the first paragraph, then show them a bunch of bullet points on what they can expect, and finally, explain each of the bullet points. You didn't do any of that.
      
      Your hub doesn't really discuss how to find stuff to sell, but instead, talks about how to sell WITHOUT eBay. The only part about inventory is when you suggest making your own stuff through crafting for sale. Thus, it doesn't fit the title (or the title doesn't fit the hub).

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         Cas Merchantposted 13 years agoin reply to this

         Thank you. Sometimes it seems its the most obvious things that slip right by me.

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   Dame Scribeposted 13 years ago

   It's hard to pick which Hub you would like help with when there's no url. You're allowed to post the url in THIS forum.
   
   I checked your 4th of July hub. It lists a recipe and no other information. I would suggest, list key points in point form, try to write answering the 5 W's, how and add a recommendation/conclusion plus touch of humor. Write a final copy based upon your list and you should now have a nice article.
   
   http://casmerchant.hubpages.com/hub/Qui … ly-dessert

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