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Norwegian HubNuggets, Ballad of John and Shirley

Updated on August 20, 2010

A Day in the Life

We had been sucked once again into the cracked mirror and we were swirling through time and space, wondering where we’d end up this time.

My curls were twisting around my face, filling my nostrils with the smell of that new conditioner for frizzy hair that I had decided to try. Nice, I liked it. A cascade of ringlets and wayward strands of kinky frizz was covering my eyes, blocking my vision completely. Thankfully, I had managed to grab something furry as we were drawn headlong into the mirror, so I knew that when we landed, at least two of us would be together. I could tell by the yowl of pain and the hiss when I closed my hand around that silky fur that it was RedElf that I had latched onto, not B.T.

Across the Universe

Though (or maybe because) we travelled at tremendous speed, we didn’t have long or far to go. Suddenly, the crew was dumped unceremoniously to a hard floor in a strange place. It took a minute for us to get our bearings. When we did, we saw something I’d been waiting almost my whole life to see.

Huddled as a group, we clung to each other. All around us, young teenage girls were screaming, weeping, fainting. What was going on? The noise was almost deafening and there were lots of men in blue uniforms holding back the crowd. It wasn’t until we moved forward a bit that I realized where we were.

I think we all recognized right away what we were seeing, though it was hard to believe. My jaw dropped, Zsuzsy Bee’s eyes glazed over and I picked up kitten RedElf so she could see what was happening. Beside me, Sci-PI stared transfixed in the direction of what was causing all the excitement.

B.T. Evilpants was the only one who could speak. Well, sort of, he was jumping up and down, trying to see better. “Is that who I think it is?!?”

We gals couldn’t speak. We were too busy crying, shrieking and swooning just like every other female who has ever attended a concert guessed it by the title...The Beatles! *sigh*

It was the most phenomenal moment of my life and I think the others felt the same way. If they didn’t, they won’t tell me because I’m the Captain, they’ll just agree with me like a good crew should.

“So, we’re in the sixties at a Beatles concert. That’s so amazingly cool! For once, the mirror put us somewhere good,” BT said. The concert had ended but females of the group hadn’t stabilized yet. However, BT has a pretty good head under those antlers. “I’d better get you girls some air.”

Reaching the lobby, Commander Sci-PI reached down to what we thought was a concert program that was laying on the floor. "Holy cow, this isn't a program, this is a partial list of HubNuggets! I think it's this week's first category - Arts and Design. I'll send these to Simone right away, so people can start reading and voting." Our Science Officer is pretty level-headed, herself.

Which one of this week's Arts and Design nominees is your favorite?

  • 14% How to use Public domain and Creative Commons images on your articles
  • 16% How to make free color pages using Kodak Easy Share software
  • 9% Leathercraft - How to Make a Custom Wet-Molded Leather Knife Sheath (Tutorial)
  • 9% Whimsical soaps make excellent holiday gifts
  • 33% Regionalism Fully Realized: Grant Wood, Iowa's Greatest Artist
  • 19% Setup a pottery studio and learn to throw pottery
43 people have voted in this poll.

This poll is now closed to voting.

John Lennon spotted me and the rest of the HubNuggets team from the stage

We were poleaxed, petrified Norwegian Wood

John fell hard for me, even wrote a song about it

I Saw Her Standing There

With the first batch of nuggets found and taken care of, we left the theatre and I realized that I had no idea what part of the world the mirror had dumped us in. The Fab Four toured everywhere, it could be any country. We stopped to ask two locals, who introduced themselves as Tor and Olav. It was a bit difficult to communicate with them as they spoke very little English but we finally came to realize that we were in Norway. Huh. I'd never been to Norway. With location out of the way, we continued moving along the front of the building.

"Where are we going, Captain?" Zsuzsy Bee had regained her power of speech.

"I don't know. Perhaps Sci-PI can rig up a communications post and reach Admiral Jason or Second-in-Command Maddie. They might be able to give us new orders or have Fawntia and Simone figure out our co-ordinates and beam us back aboard ship or to our own time, although I'm quite fond of this one."

"Yeah, I'm okay with staying here for a little while," said RedElf. "The Beatles are probably going to do another show before they leave Norway. Gee, I wish I had my video camera with me."

Suddenly, BT stopped us. "Hey, who's that?" His military training served the crew well. There was a person standing in the dark up ahead. "Who goes there?" he called out. The stranger didn't answer. He just hummed softly, a tune that I thought I recognized.

We moved slowly forward, curious yet cautious. A passing car's light briefly illuminated the man's form and we froze in our tracks. It was *gasp* John Lennon! With that famous voice and accent, he began to speak to us. I nearly wet my pants with excitement.

"Didn't mean to scare ya, I was just makin' up a new song. Say, I saw you lot in the audience, you're not from around 'ere, are ya?" No one replied, we were glued to the spot, petrified Norwegian wood. "C'mon, don't pass me by, give us a word, your names at least."

I, I mean we, were quivering. A little voice in my head was telling me to speak but my mouth wouldn't work. Then the little voice told me to smarten up or the real, honest to goodness John Lennon would think I'm an idiot. While my brain and I were having this frank conversation, the others managed to introduce themselves. Finally, they were done and John's eyes were on me. I melted and very nearly passed out. He spoke because I still couldn't.

"Yeah, I noticed you during the show. At first your jaw was hanging down all slack-like but then you closed your mouth and I took another look. I fancy you, ya know? In fact, all I could think of while I was looking at you was, Wow, I've just seen a face . I think I might write a song about it, about you. Hey, if you're not busy, would you like to go for a drink or something. I'll let you drive my car, if you like."

Finally, I was able to squeeze out a word. "Sure."

Sci-PI, Zsuzsy and RedElf were chattering amongst themselves, in whispered tones. They pulled on my arm and said something about 'careful', 'wait for orders', 'you go girl'. At least, I'm pretty sure that I heard that last one. B.T. meanwhile, was asking John questions about his car, something men (and apparently jackalopes) seem to do whenever they're together.. My nervousness seemed to be easing, so I walked over and joined them. As I approached, BT turned to me excitedly.

"Here's the second set of nuggets! John found the paper in the glove compartment of his rental car. I'll get them to Sci-PI, Captain. You seem to be a little busy right now." The jackalope's eyes shifted back and forth between John and I but we didn't notice. Feeling a tad awkward, he hopped off to get this week's second category list, Autos, submitted to HQ for posting.

Which one of this week's Autos nominees is your favorite?

  • 27% Racing Solar Powered Cars
  • 35% Co-Borrowing Versus Co-Signing Auto Loans
  • 0% Worlds Best Motocross Racing near Las Vegas
  • 20% Top 10 Environmentally Friendly Cars
  • 12% I Ride in Cars with Strangers
  • 6% Your New Tires May Not Be As New As You Think
49 people have voted in this poll.

This poll is now closed to voting.

John was determined to win me over (lucky me!)

Got To Get Your Into My Life

The crew busied themselves with crew stuff while John and I went out for the evening. We had a wonderful time and many drinks.

The sparks were flying and suddenly, John proposed! "I've got a feeling about you," John told me "I wanna be your man." Well, you can imagine my surprise. I can't remember for sure but I think that I screamed a little then jumped up and down and hollered "yes!" It was very romantic.

We were both very happy and excited as we entered the all night Norwegian wedding chapel. Thankfully, someone took pictures of the ceremony, so I know that good old Tor and Olav were our witnesses.

As the drink wore off, John and I started regaining our senses and decided that we should return to the theatre front and inform the crew that I'M MARRIED TO A BEATLE! It was our first joint decision, very special.

Arriving back where the concert had been held, John and I were hungover but happy. My crew, on the hand, had faces full of fatigue and scowl. Poor things had been standing there in the damp all night while I was out having fun and getting swept off my feet BY A BEATLE! I felt bad but couldn't keep the smile off my face as we went over to talk to them.

We told them the story of how we hit it off so well that we decided to tie the knot. I could see the look of doubt clouding their eyes (or was that exhaustion?) and pulled out the marriage license to show them that it was all true.

"Um, Captain? You'd better have a look at this," Zsuzsy Bee said. She held the paper out for the rest to see and they all looked at each other before casting glances our way.

"This isn't a marriage license, this is the final list of nuggets for the week," RedElf informed me. "Family and Parenting category. These need to be sent to Simone right away so readers can vote for their favorite."

Which one of this week's Family and Parenting nominees is your favorite?

  • 21% Fatherhood: My daughter and I
  • 5% Early Pregnancy Signs and Symptoms
  • 3% My child is bullying me
  • 30% Hazel, Hazel Wherefore Art Thou, Hazel?
  • 3% 5 Things A Dad Discovered About Teenagers
  • 38% How to be a Good Pregnant Woman
61 people have voted in this poll.

This poll is now closed to voting.

And In The End

John was furious that we'd been duped. "That minister, what was her name? Oh yeah, Eleanor Rigby! I should have known better, that woman has the devil in her heart."

I had to calm the poor man down. "Oh darling, let it be. We can really get married in Gibraltar, near Spain. I know this great woman who can marry us, her name is Ripplemaker. She's a sweet woman, you'll love her."

The musician's face brightened a little. "Yeah, I bet that'll work, good thinking honey pie. Then we can catch the early plane back to London. Bet the press'll be glad to see us, they might even wish us success. Hey, how do you feel about bed-ins?"

With the mood lightened and a plan in place, I said a final, tearful good-bye to the crew before being whisked away to start a new life with John Lennon. I waved out the back window to those whom I'd been through so much with and who helped so faithfully week after week to ensure the safety and delivery of our beloved HubNuggets. As we headed for the airport, I realized that I would never see them again.

The Ballad of John & Shirley (yes, I know it sounds like he's saying Yoko - just disregard that oopsy)

Like The Beatles did all those years ago, I am retiring - but from HubNuggets, not a music group - this is my last adventure. A huge thank-you to you all!


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