Favoritism, A Common Occurrence......

Jump to Last Post 1-1 of 1 discussions (5 posts)
  1. gmwilliams profile image86
    gmwilliamsposted 5 years ago

    http://s2.hubimg.com/u/7987257_f248.jpg
    According to a February 21, 2013 report by Mail Online newspaper, 1 in 12 parents admits to having a child they love more than their other children. 62% of parents stated that they do not give all their children equal attention. 

    Many parents stated that the reason they favor one child over others is feeling a STRONGER BOND with the favored child.  8% of parents acknowledged that THEY  treated the favored child more preferentially than their other children.  25% of the favored children according to the report was the oldest child.  Many parents felt that the oldest child was someone they have a rapport and can do activities with.   

    Favoritism in familie seem to be more common than what is supposed.  While only a minute percentage of parents acknowledge and mention it, the majority of parents DO practice it; however, they WILL NEVER admit to it!     What is your take on this?  Do you agree that favoritism is commonplace but is seldom acknowledged?  Why?  Why not?

    1. Patty Inglish, MS profile image93
      Patty Inglish, MSposted 5 years agoin reply to this

      In my work with a thousand+ Midwestern families in therapy and counseling settings [and similar discussed in dozens of recent journal articles to date (May 2013)], I found that among the clients I saw, favoritism was shown by parents to one child or children over others in the nucear family for a particular reason that was not bonding, but also that bonding was a secondary gain. The reason given by parents as "bonding" seems often to be, rather, a case of manipulation through image management. The "bonding" excuse, as it were, allows parents to admit favoritism more openly and favoritism was found and admitted in at least 70% of families (see end of this answer for the studies).

      What I saw was parents plying a favored child(ren) with attention, money, gifts, parties, additional privileges, etc., while belittling and exluding the remaining healthier child(ren), because the favored child(ren) suffered physical or psychological illnesses the parents wished to hide.

      Many instances of physical and psychological conditions I saw included conditions already diagnosed by physicians of record: speech impediments, learning disorders, ADHD, and even substance abuse as early as age 8 and 10 years - parents belittled healthier children and favored those with "problems", insisting that there were no problems except for the healthier, often high-achieving children, who "were the problems." In fact, the parents and children with diagnoses often bonded to gang up against healthier siblings in order to verbally attack and belittle them - we see that in family therapy consistently, anyway, no matter what the demographics of the clients. These 1000+ families I mentioned were not healthy - that's why we were seeing them. The attitude of the parents was generally, "See how we shower the favored child with love and material goods and shun the other(s) - the favored child is the best child and has nothing wrong with him/her." This type of favoritism was a serious problem. Is every case of favoritism so serious? I do not know. 

      How often the problem I saw occurs in the general population, I've no idea, but I am seeing it among a dozen of my own friends (couples) with college-aged children - the favored child is a diagnosed, non-recovering alcoholic in 100% of these families. This leads me to wonder if a certain proportion or all of parental favoritism is a function of or similar to codependence to individual(s) that suffer a range of troubling conditions and illnesses. Whatever its nature, it is not healthy.

      How often in the general population does favoritism mask a "family secret" of a physical or psychological condition? I do not know.

      Evidence does suggest that favoritism is linked to depression in the favored AND non-favored kids in their adulthood, especially middle age; and, child favoritism likely happens in at least 70% of families. -- References: Karl Pillemer in his contribution to a paper, “The Role of Parental Favoritism in Sibling Relations in Midlife”, in the Journal of Marriage and Family (April 2010) and “Effects of Perceptions of Mothers" and Fathers’ Favoritism on Sibling Tension in Adulthood." Resubmitted recently to the Journal Gerontology: Social Sciences.

      1. gmwilliams profile image86
        gmwilliamsposted 5 years agoin reply to this

        Quite an insightful, spot on analysis you have made.   Parents play favorites with their children for a myriad of reasons, some are blatantly overt while others are insidiously covert. Children who are parental favorites oftentimes have unwritten expectations placed upon them.

        Many favorite children have obligations placed upon them by the parents.  Such parents feel that their favorite children OWE them for the preferential treatment they have received.  There is also quite a negative side to the favoritism equation.  Thank you for stopping by Patty and adding to the discussion.  Happy Mother's Day!

        1. Patty Inglish, MS profile image93
          Patty Inglish, MSposted 5 years agoin reply to this

          Happy Mother's Day to you as well!  Thanks for asking this question, because I think a lot of people don't think too much about it.

          1. gmwilliams profile image86
            gmwilliamsposted 5 years agoin reply to this

            You are quite welcome indeed.  Favoritism is a disease which creates an extremely toxic family environment.   It is children who suffer most as a result of this disease.

 
working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)