NEVER to have children?
Not every woman was meant to be a mother. There are some women who do not a maternal instinct. Yes, there are women who are quite happy without children. They have friends, careers, and other fulfilling interests. Not having children give such women the ultimate freedom to pursue their education, chosen careers, and hobbies. They also have more discretionary income to travel and generally do as they wish.
No, not every person (woman or otherwise) should be or can be a good parent; those people are probably better off without children.
They will never know the enormous satisfaction, the love or the pride that comes with children and will have to satisfy themselves with the shallower things of life like careers and hobbies. They will have to be content hugging the things money can buy, but it IS their choice and they should never be denigrated for making it.
You just denigrated the hell out of that choice in two different ways.
Respecting choice would include not calling it shallow and for lesser people. You depict as intrinsically shallow the lives of nuns, asexuals, those who sacrifice to care for other family members and so forth.
IMHO only people who want children and can provide a good home for them should have them, for reasons that I hope are obvious.
+ A multillion percent in agreement here! So many parents have children that they AREN'T emotionally, financially, nor psychologically prepared for and LOOK AT THE CONSEQUENCES it ENSUED in this society. There are people who have children because of familal, religious, and societal pressure much to their UTTER REGRET later on.
Such parents are perfunctory at best and abusive at worst. They view the child as a ball and chain. They cannot wait until the child lives home so they have their lives back. Only a few percentage of parents actually love and enjoy their children; many parents view children as merely an obligation to appease family, religion, and society, nothing more, nothing less. At least women who elect to be childfree are honest regarding their wants, desires, and choices.
You brought out excellent points here. Asexuals and others from the LGBTQ community have enough issues to deal with in these times when conservatives want to hang them all. Only the richest can afford or be able to adopt kids.
And some people devote themselves to causes bigger than themselves, like joining Doctors Without Borders, or other careers which wouldn't allow time for children, like joining a religious order.
As a person who was born with scoliosis, a bad case, it is hereditary. I dated my husband for 5 yrs. before we married, and it took us 8 yrs. more to decide we wanted to try to have a child. We did it, and never regretted it. It was a big change though, 13 yrs. into a relationship. My husband did live to see our son graduate college and be an elementary school teacher, and karate instructor.
Some parents kick their kids out the day they turn 18, to have a life of their own. In this generation, many had to move far from their relatives to buy a home, and had no help in any way to watch kids, even in an emergency. We took our son everywhere, but he learned how to eat at restaurants, travel, read way above his level, how to be caring towards others without being saddled with younger siblings, and a lot of other things people his age never experienced. He's the smartest person I know!
So people don't just decide to not have kids for selfish, shallow reasons. And since when was being educated and cultured "selfish?" Some people need to broaden their horizons a bit!
Yet another 100%, excellent as usual.
THANK YOU, Jean my friend, THEY certainly DO. However, they aren't about to relent in their atavistic, backward view that every woman should have a childful lifestyle because THEY did. The nerve of some people who strongly declare that women who don't have children are "missing out" & won't ever know the joy that children bring,(please read the ACTUAL post that denigrated childfree women & depicted them as shallow "materialistic" careerists Jean, not the rebuttal response post) that such woman have "more shallow" interests such as careers, hobbies, & other interests. These interests aren't shallow, these interests are what makes for a VASTLY, MORE interesting woman than a woman who have no outside career, hobbies, & interests who pop children ad infinitum because the latter has a VOID in her life which could be more intelligently fulfilled by having a career, friends, hobbies, & other educational interests instead of popping out children, living a life w/the bare rudiments if that, doing constantly without, & with struggle being a normative lifestyle.
There is nothing wrong w/having discretionary income for the finer things in life such as restaurants, operas, travel, & other things. There are people who haven't reach the level of cultivation & refinement, that's sad. There are people who possess a feral consciousness, mentality, mindset, & outlook on life, refusing to understand that there is such a thing as a cultivated, civilized life beyond animalistic, primitive existence. We are always ON THE SAME PAGE!
Being educated & cultured isn't shallow. These components are hallmarks of a person who refuse to live a life of penury, poverty, & constant deprivation. However, cultured people can't educate people who have lower consciousness, mindsets, philosophy, & outlooks culture & civilization. That would be akin to a Roman teaching civilization to a Hun. Thank you for stopping by, all remarks were intelligent except for ONE that was very retrogressive. Jean, I always welcome your input. Thank you again!
Not necessarily so. One can say that they will never know the aggravation, the emotiona/mental/psychological stress and TURMOIL that some children put their parents through. They won't spend monies to get them out of some type of trouble.
They won't have a child that although raised properly will turn out to be an irresponsible and otherwise negative adult who is hell on wheels. They won't have a child which will cause them to have a heart attack and age them physically because the latter is totally sociopathic or psychopathic. They won't have to be subjected to an unappreciative child to whom nothing is EVER enough.
There was a study by Anne Landers about 4 decades ago. The questionnaire asked parents if they had to do it over, would they have children. Over 50% indicated emphatically that they WOULDN'T have children!
To each their own, I say. If having kids is what you want, go for it, if not, it doesn't mean you are any less of a person or any worse of a person. Successful (and happy) people come from a great variety of backgrounds and do not share a singular formula for their success.
Oh, and by the way, I attended college while my oldest kids were still young. And I can assure you having and raising children is not an automatic death sentence to our life goals
I absolutely agree!! Having children is not a death sentence. Not everyone is capable of being financially perfect in the time frame of having children.. does that in turn mean that they should give up that right?
Hats off to the women out there that choose not to...I can see how it could be easy to get lost in work and other priorities, but my children are my world and I know that there is still plenty of time for me to accomplish other goals that I have for my life.
I don't see anything wrong with women electing not to have children. After all, it is their right...
Please don't assume anyone got "lost" anywhere. It can be an active choice, not just something we didn't get around to doing.
Exactly, there are some people who believe that those who have children for some reason are superior to those who are childfree. Children aren't for everyone but there are some people who refuse to acknowledge that fact. Children aren't the be & end all to life. There is much more to life than having children. There are careers & hobbies that are just as, if not, more fulfilling than having children. There are women who have career who have made enormous strides in society & history while there are women who have done nothing significant but just endlessly pop out children, lowing their quality of life & that of their children.
Having careers & hobbies aren't shallow. Having careers & hobbies makes for a more, educated well-rounded person who is interested than to be a mother w/no outside hobbies nor careers who is child-centered & isn't capable of having an intelligent, adult conversation. This is the type of woman who continuously have child after child because there is nothing significant in her life. Woman who don't have children AREN'T shallow.
I, for one, never desired children. My main goal in life was to be educated & have a career. The thought of marriage & having children was akin to prison for me. Having children was the LAST thing on my mind. I even informed my parents as a teenager that I wasn't about to get married & have children. I found that lifestyle to be stultifying. I wanted a career & opportunities to live a full, varied life. I know that having children curtailed life & career choices so I didn't want children. I also find adults more interesting than children- I was that way as a child.
Having kids just to satisfy your own ego is doing things for the wrong reasons. Most people get married, have kids and carry on. This is the natural circle of life. But if you choose not to bee in this scene than, so be it. No one has the right to judge you. This is the strength of women today. We have choices.
Although it may seem as going against nature, roles are no longer set as in the past. The so called women's role and men's role and already blurring. Here men are at a disadvantage as they still have to be with a woman if they want kids.
Do I think someone who never has children is wrong? No. Do I think they will miss something incredible? Yes. Just like I will miss out on "ultimate freedom to pursue their education, chosen careers, and hobbies. They also have more discretionary income to travel and generally do as they wish.". Though I think it's a bit silly to say a woman who has children is incapable of pursuing education, career, and hobbies, the part about my income is right on point, because now I choose to spend it on my three children instead of myself. So I give up one joy for another.
You are very correct though. Some women and men just won't make a quality parent. Just like any other career, one must have a set of skills to bring to it. Without those skills there is no point in pursuing that career.
One would hope no woman in this day and age would ever have children because it was expected of her, by others.
I don’t believe anyone should feel pressured to have a child, and it doesn’t even stop once you have one (my daughter is 6 and I still have people asking “when are you having another?” or “you don’t want to her have siblings?” ALL THE TIME!).
I never wanted kids and my daughter wasn’t planned. I don’t regret my decision to have her for a second as she’s become my whole world and the love of my life, but I do believe I would be just fine in an alternate universe where I didn’t have her. It would be different but fulfilling in other ways I’m sure.
People find happiness in different ways and in different things. Everyone deserves to follow their own path to wherever their happiness is. If it’s found in children, great. If it’s found in a career, great. Life would be boring if we all wanted and did the same things.
To posters Katie Logan, bethperry, Vvitta, Nouveau Skeptic, Live to Learn, Aimee, & particularly Jean, you have intelligence & the power of analysis. Your premises are well-thought out & you all refuse to succumb to an atavistic, strongly pronatalist paradigm. All of your responses were 100%, thank you for coming by & starting/continuing the discussion.
To Aime & Jean, the same people who decry & disparage childfree women, also are prejudicial against women who elect to have one child. There is a PATTERN there. These people are of the mindset that women should have siblings to "complete" the family. These people strongly aver that only children are selfish & lacking. That is pure atavistic, antediluvian, retrogressive balderdash. Children don't need siblings to learn how to share.
Only children share w/their parents, friends, relatives, & other associates. There are children w/siblings who refuse to share w/other children, including their siblings. To Aime, don't let the proponents of siblinghood guilt you into having another child-only children do fine! Your daughter will have myriad educational, cultural, & socioeconomic opportunities that children w/siblings will never have. There is nothing wrong w/being childfree or having one child. At least you have the freedom that women who are saddled w/children DON'T have. Good night, Jean & Aime, have a lovely night.
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by Grace Marguerite Williams 20 months ago
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