what do you tell yourself when your adult children don't turn out the way you thought they would
when they go in the total opposite direction of the way you raised them
You tell yourself that everyone is an individual with different hopes, dreams, and interests. That it is unfair to put expectations on them of what you want instead of what they want.
That there is still time and perhaps what they are today is not what they will end up being in five or ten years down the road as they still continue to learn their lessons
That as long as they are happy and healthy, that is enough for you.
That no matter what they turn into, they can never disappoint you because they are your children.
You tell yourself that you had a preconceived outcome and take steps to adjust your own perceptions. Here is an example, my grandmother, from the time I was a small child, always said that I would go to college and become a Pharmacist. Well, I did go to college and I did graduate but I did not become a Pharmacist. She was never disappointed. If she was she never expressed it. We have to be careful that we do not try to live our dreams through the lives of others. And, we have to be careful not to try to live the lives of others for them. There is also great danger to preconceived outcomes in that it leaves one to a constant state of disappoint with others. A preconceived outcome can be as simple as you giving someone a birthday and then expecting them to send a "thank you" note. If the note does not come, you are disappointed and that emotion totally overwhelms the joy you might had in just sending the card. In this case, it's the desire to give not receive that is important. Therfore, there should be no "expected outcome". Thanks. WB
I appreciate the time and thought that everyone put into their answers. Thank you.
I have to agree with the others, you have to let it go. They are your dreams and not theirs. Too many people say that they just want their children to be happy. It;s mostly untrue because so many parents want their children to be happy, go to university and get a first class degree, get a very well paid job that they can boast about, meet a person that you approve of and produce exactly the right number of beautiful clever grandchildren. I really am not mocking you, but in the great scheme of things does it matter. I was brought uo to be a practising Christian. I'm not now. My parents still are. I have no idea if they;are disappoited, but if they are - then they are foolish because it's not what I want. The best thing you can do for your children is to love them and make that clear. And as for them not turning out as you thought you would - well we just can't map out our children's future and it's pointless to try,. Like many a parent you have to accept that you have provided them with your views and moral compass and that is all you can do. They're adults and you have to let them go their own way,. They're adults and what they do is their choice.
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