what do you tell yourself when your adult children don't turn out the way you thought they would
when they go in the total opposite direction of the way you raised them
You tell yourself that everyone is an individual with different hopes, dreams, and interests. That it is unfair to put expectations on them of what you want instead of what they want.
That there is still time and perhaps what they are today is not what they will end up being in five or ten years down the road as they still continue to learn their lessons
That as long as they are happy and healthy, that is enough for you.
That no matter what they turn into, they can never disappoint you because they are your children.
You tell yourself that you had a preconceived outcome and take steps to adjust your own perceptions. Here is an example, my grandmother, from the time I was a small child, always said that I would go to college and become a Pharmacist. Well, I did go to college and I did graduate but I did not become a Pharmacist. She was never disappointed. If she was she never expressed it. We have to be careful that we do not try to live our dreams through the lives of others. And, we have to be careful not to try to live the lives of others for them. There is also great danger to preconceived outcomes in that it leaves one to a constant state of disappoint with others. A preconceived outcome can be as simple as you giving someone a birthday and then expecting them to send a "thank you" note. If the note does not come, you are disappointed and that emotion totally overwhelms the joy you might had in just sending the card. In this case, it's the desire to give not receive that is important. Therfore, there should be no "expected outcome". Thanks. WB
I appreciate the time and thought that everyone put into their answers. Thank you.
I have to agree with the others, you have to let it go. They are your dreams and not theirs. Too many people say that they just want their children to be happy. It;s mostly untrue because so many parents want their children to be happy, go to university and get a first class degree, get a very well paid job that they can boast about, meet a person that you approve of and produce exactly the right number of beautiful clever grandchildren. I really am not mocking you, but in the great scheme of things does it matter. I was brought uo to be a practising Christian. I'm not now. My parents still are. I have no idea if they;are disappoited, but if they are - then they are foolish because it's not what I want. The best thing you can do for your children is to love them and make that clear. And as for them not turning out as you thought you would - well we just can't map out our children's future and it's pointless to try,. Like many a parent you have to accept that you have provided them with your views and moral compass and that is all you can do. They're adults and you have to let them go their own way,. They're adults and what they do is their choice.
by Grace Marguerite Williams 3 years ago
adult children to grow. They are the type of parents who subconsciously sabotage their children's career chances and advancements. They seem to be deathly afraid to allow their children to establish their own independent lives. They want their adult children to be NEAR...
by dje71 6 years ago
There are a lot of discussions in forums by dads desperately wanting to be "dad" to their estranged children. My take on it is different; I used to be one of those dads.The mother of my daughter and I separated a year after my daughter was born. The mother did everything she could to...
by Hypersapien 10 years ago
How should parents deal with lazy, unemployed, still-live-with-Mom-and-Dad adult children?It's one thing if your child loses his job and has to move back home, but how do you deal with one that won't even look for work, thinks you should still provide for all their needs (clean their room, wash...
by Grace Marguerite Williams 9 years ago
What are the negative after effects of adult children living w/parents in their mid-30s-- excludingdire and/or temporary circumstances e.g. divorce, job loss etc.- rather than avoid the responsibility of living on their own?
by Audrey Selig 8 years ago
When you are footing the bill for college, should you still make most decisions for your child?Examples might be about dating, working, use of spare time. This might often occur when child still lives at home.
by Penelope Hart 9 years ago
How do you stay in touch with your adult children?How do you maintain a close and meaningful relationship with your children after they have left home, married, relocated?What do you do that keeps the relationship between you close?
Copyright © 2024 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. HubPages® is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website.
Copyright © 2024 Maven Media Brands, LLC and respective owners.
As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.
For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy
Show DetailsNecessary | |
---|---|
HubPages Device ID | This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons. |
Login | This is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service. |
Google Recaptcha | This is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy) |
Akismet | This is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy) |
HubPages Google Analytics | This is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy) |
HubPages Traffic Pixel | This is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized. |
Amazon Web Services | This is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy) |
Cloudflare | This is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Hosted Libraries | Javascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy) |
Features | |
---|---|
Google Custom Search | This is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Maps | Some articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Google Charts | This is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy) |
Google AdSense Host API | This service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Google YouTube | Some articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Vimeo | Some articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy) |
Paypal | This is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Facebook Login | You can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy) |
Maven | This supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy) |
Marketing | |
---|---|
Google AdSense | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Google DoubleClick | Google provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Index Exchange | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Sovrn | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Facebook Ads | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Amazon Unified Ad Marketplace | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
AppNexus | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Openx | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Rubicon Project | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
TripleLift | This is an ad network. (Privacy Policy) |
Say Media | We partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy) |
Remarketing Pixels | We may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites. |
Conversion Tracking Pixels | We may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service. |
Statistics | |
---|---|
Author Google Analytics | This is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy) |
Comscore | ComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy) |
Amazon Tracking Pixel | Some articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy) |
Clicksco | This is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy) |