What are the 10 things you would say to an overprotective parent of a young adult(22-25 yrs of age)
who simply refuse to let the latter progress and mature normally into adulthood and independence?
Here is what I would say:
1. I understand how you feel. You want to protect your child because you want the best for them.
2. If you do not let your child make his/her own mistakes, they will not learn how to fail. This is an important lesson because they will fail at something. When they do, hopefully they will have learned how to pick themselves back up.
3. You have to let go, or they may rebel.
4. Look at life through their eyes. You were young too, and may remember thinking you knew everything!
5. Sometimes when you let kids have more responsibility they will surprise you and step up.
6. Relax! I have two young children, and would love to have a day where I don't need to change a diaper, clean up vomit, or a spill (don't get me wrong, I love being a mommy!)
7. You may have a better relationship with them if you respect the fact that they are an adult, even if you still see them as your baby.
8. Take a breath. You need to respect the new boundaries since they are older.
9. Don't let them see you sweat. Even if you are worried, accept their decision. Acceptance does not mean you agree.
10. Get a hobby. It may help to busy yourself while you are waiting for them to crawl back to you telling you they were wrong. Some kids are more stubborn. It took me 10 years! It wasn't until I was really on my own, even until I was a mother of my own that I realized how right my parents were.
They never once rubbed it in my face. Now, we are very close and have so much respect for each other. I spent the first 1/3 of my life driving my parents crazy, but I will spend the rest of it trying to make up for my youth!
I agree, empty nesters need to find their own hobbies and group of friends to hang out with until the grandkids come along. However, I think each family has its own culture, even if you live next door to each other and grew up in the same country and share the same faith.
In the Philippines, for example, it isn't uncommon for kids to stay at home while thy have a profession, even until they are 30. This is because ours is a third world economy and not everyone can afford to have one's own place.
For the same reason, it's not uncommon for parents to give children an allowance although they have their first job, because the money earned from the first job can be miniscule.
To put it another way, a boy I know from Italy makes pizza in another country because he gets paid three times what he would earn in his own country. If he stayed in his country, he would have to live with his family, which is sister does. Overseas, he has an independent life.
Many Filipinos work overseas but others choose to live with below par wages because of the fact that they want to make their mark on their country. I read a piece written by a young person who decided to live in the Philippines, even if the wages are not sufficient to raise a family with. He said, he may not be able to raise a family, but he will raise lives by the contributions he makes in making the Philippines a better country.
So to get back to your question, maturity and standards differ even within countries of similar background and I think there is more way than one way to maturity.
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