What causes a person to OFTEN put others' needs & wants BEFORE their own? Do you think
this is a sign of disrespect for one's self & boundaries, a sign of mental illness, low/ no self-esteem, or even abnormality?Why is a person who consistently put others' needs before his/her own is adulated, glorified, revered,or even deified as noble when in reality, h/she is taken advantage of, known as doormats/ easy prey, & even viewed as stupid as h/she has NO concept of me first & looking out for number one? What would you SAY to such a person?
Or they want the approval and appreciation that comes from always helping others.
You're partly answering the question, Grace.
"this is a sign of disrespect for one's self & boundaries... low/ no self-esteem."
We do not love our selves sufficiently, and again we seek self-love. We wish to be appreciated; admired ....
Again, all spring from the same old problems. They do not change, just greater or lesser in different human beings according to experience or level of awareness or Consciousness. Insecurity is there and fear also. In fact they are like brother and sister, most of the times.
There is an inner lack or disharmony, and we are doing what seems right to us, to try and solve it. Painful as it can sometimes be, I do not knock it. It's all part and parcel of the process of growth.
Nothing is ever new, and you would find that that the problems of yester-year are the same today, just seemingly taking different shapes. What pushes us, knowingly or unknowingly, is the quest for fulfillment, satisfaction. A voice tells us that we are free and we are trying to find or re-discover this Freedom.
Being a mother is one good reason for putting the needs of SOME others befpre one's own. That doesn't mean not setting any limits or drawing any lines on that "SOME people", and it doesn't mean not drawing lines on anyone ever. What is not healthy is being a mother or a parent and either not knowing what the needs of the child and/or family are OR knowing, disregarding, and putting oneself first anyway.
Mother or not, choosing to "often" put other people first is "often" viewed as "being walked on" when nothing could be farther from the truth. It's just that those doing the "viewing" "often" lean more toward the "almost always putting oneself first" and/or toward being so worried about being inconvenienced, or taken advantage of (by "horrible" other people), they err (far too often) on the side of unhealthy selfishness and living "on guard".
"Often" putting other people first is a healthy thing that shouldn't be confused with "absolutely always, always, putting everyone else without regard for who it is or what the circumstances are for the person/people involved (regardless of whether it's "the mother thing" or in some other situation).
There are people who frequently, if not always, put the needs & concerns of others first while forgetting their own. They believe that they are noble but there are ramifications for their actions. read more
There are lots of people who want to be liked, loved, or accepted by others and in order to accomplish this they'll bend over backwards to make sure "others" are happy.
(They believe saying "no" will keep people from being their friends.)
In other instances some people just have a "nurturing gene" they're the type that would take in every stray cat or dog if someone didn't talk them out of it. Although it's similar to the aforementioned type who wants to "fit in" and be loved. The natural nurturer is really an altruistic person at heart on a mission to save the world.
Last but not least is the "fool" or person who is easily conned and manipulated by others. They've never learned to look out for themselves. They assume everyone is "trustworthy". Just because he/she told them they "love" them this person gives him/her their credit cards, debit card PIN, loans them their car, and blindly accepts their every explanation offered for not reciprocating in any manner.
"There's a sucker born every minute." - P.T. Barnum
Dashing Scorpio you have kind of captured the essence of this.
You need to be healthily self interested. By that I mean...if I were to use this old analogy. The plane is going down...the oxygen masks are short in supply....there are badly injured people around you who need that oxygen mask way above your needs...yet you are the doctor the only one with the skills to save all the others...so the oxygen mask must come come to you first.
To receive is giving a gift to the giver. To give is giving a gift to the receiver....
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