jump to last post 1-21 of 21 discussions (105 posts)

Your chance to be a stand up comic!

82
robertzimmerman2posted 3 years ago
I'll go first, let's use the following format.

"My hub traffic is low!"

Hubbers - "HOW LOW IS IT?"

"My hub traffic is so low an ant could NOT do the Limbo under the chart!"

(Laugh track here)

Ok, who's next?
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1. 93
  DrMark1961posted 3 years agoin reply to this
  How about
  "My profile page has so many blue arrows that...."
  Come on, hubbers, think up something!
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  Rochelle Frankposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  My account page has so many blue arrows it looks like it has been attacked by a tribe of Na'vi."
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  lisavollrathposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  My profile page has so many broken images, it looks like Geocities!
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  kenneth averyposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Hey,folks. Good to be here.
  
  BOOOOOO! Oh, typical crowd.
  
  My traffic is so low that not even Dr Phil could not cheer them up.
  
  Next . . .
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  LOL
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  lisavollrathposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  My traffic is lower than my redneck neighbor's IQ.
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Traffic is lower than the intestines of a day old roadkill? Or lower than the extract of a weed used to make dinner?
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  TonyPayneposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  My dashboard has turned into a crime scene.
  There's been a lot of skullduggery going on.
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  I feel some flash fiction coming on....
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  Jodahposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Sorry Tony. Didn't mean to hijack your thread..got a little carried away. You know rabbits.
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  TonyPayneposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  No problem. Hey, at least the traffic to this thread is pretty good. Shame it's not a hub.
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  People just want a bit of a laugh I think after all that Titanic business of the last week...
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  TonyPayneposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  What are you sinking?
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  It vos vrom Russia, with luv x
  
  No no sinking for me, just pondering and rabbits.
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  TonyPayneposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  The Titanic sank in a very big pond...
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  The internet pond?
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  Jodahposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Can I sit and ponder rabbits with you.. In the pond?
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Are you asking me or Tony?
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  Jodahposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Haha, the rabbit filled one...you.
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Yeah I guess we can watch some pondskaters go by....kinda like the hub stats.
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  Jodahposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Haha, why not
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  Jodahposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Yes, wish I got this many comments on my hubs. Maybe you need to write a hub with the same title.
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  TonyPayneposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  A week ago I looked at the graph of my traffic and I thought "Up Up and Away" as it went higher and higher with each day.
  
  Unfortunately now it's more a case of "Up Up and It Went Away"
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  97
  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Sounds like how I feel about exercise.
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  83
  MarieLBposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Scores are just scores. We get advised over and over not to worry about them.
  
  But here I was feeling rich and favoured with the big banner telling me that my "Earnings so far" were $0.03 - and it is in solid US dollare, mind you - and then Whoa!! One morning it all blew away. It is gone, all of it. Gone in one woof. I am back to $0.00!
  
  Oh me, oh my!! Bold text
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  82
  robertzimmerman2posted 3 years agoin reply to this
  your 3 cents is SOOO last Month!
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5. 86
  TonyPayneposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  I say I say I say... There isn't a single Amazon or eBay sale on any one of my hubs. I think they have Tom Jones syndrome.
  
  Tom Jones syndrome! Is that common?
  
  It's not unusual...
  
  {groan}
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  82
  robertzimmerman2posted 3 years agoin reply to this
  DOUBLE Groan!
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  Jodahposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Funny
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Sed-meposted 3 years ago
"My hubber score just went down a point overnight?"

"Wow, what happened?"

"I've no idea."

"That's not funny."

"No, it's really not."
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1. 93
  DrMark1961posted 3 years agoin reply to this
  I bet there is a 100% correlation between you commenting on one of your own threads and a decrease in hubber score.
  Hmmmmm. Think about it.
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  81
  Sed-meposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  hahaha
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2. 86
  TonyPayneposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  So they really can go negative then?
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MsBizProposted 3 years ago
The traffic around here is so low that the only traffic going up is on my article about emergency in-patient mental health treatment!

That would be a joke, except that it's not.
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ologsinquitoposted 3 years ago
That's cute!
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DzyMsLizzyposted 3 years ago
My hubber score goes up and down around so much, I think its mother was a yo-yo and its father was a Mexican jumping bean!
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1. 81
  Sed-meposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Why did the hubber score cross the road?
  Because the HPs employee (who changes hubber scores at their whimsey) looked bored.
  
  Knock, knock.
  Who's there?
  HP's employee.
  What do you want?
  To remove your self confidence and shame you in front of your peers.
  Why would I open the door?
  Just wanted to encourage you to keep submitting material.
  So you can tell me it's not good enough?
  Right.
  I'll have something by tomorrow.
  Thanks. Also, could I borrow a cup of sugar?
  No. Why don't you just go to the store?
  I have a bet with the others that I can strip you of all value and you'll just keep coming back for more.
  Is one cup enough?
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DJ Andersonposted 3 years ago
Traffic? You mean we are supposed to have traffic reading our hubs?
Who knew??
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1. 89
  Rochelle Frankposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  The traffic on my hubs is heavier than the Los Angeles freeways at rush hour . . . after a major earthquake.
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robertzimmerman2posted 3 years ago
YIKES! TOUGH Crowd tonight! The audience is groaning!

"That's my Hubber Score? I thought it was my IQ!"

"Naw, that's just HP staff playing darts and using our accounts to keep score!"

Keep 'em coming!
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Jodahposted 3 years ago
Most of my hub scores used to be high enough to be getting a pension.
Now most have dropped low enough for me to collect child support.
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1. 97
  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Smart!!
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  PS - you won't be getting no rabbit kids outta me to support!
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Cynthianneposted 3 years ago
My hub traffic is so low Satan made a visit.
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Suzanne Dayposted 3 years ago
Not going to comment on traffic

Here's my little snippet:

"I'm imagining Amazon as a cute little white fluffy rabbit. We whisper sweet original content into it's ear, pat it and persuade it and it goes and makes lots of baby rabbies (ie commissions)."
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1. 82
  robertzimmerman2posted 3 years agoin reply to this
  That makes a great "Blessing!"
  
  "May your Amazon sales multiply like Rabbits!"
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Love it!
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  Jodahposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Funny, no wonder I'm not making any money from Amazon. Rabbits are an illegal pest here in Queensland.
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Hey Jodah, are you single? 'Cos the rabbit is in me at the moment!
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  Jodahposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Wow Suzanne...I wish. I'm sure you'd make a great "bunny'. Unfortunately my wife would kill me.
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  haha! Guess I'll have to read your poem on Internet Dating again
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  Jodahposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Be my guest Suzanne, just beware of guy's named "Doc" and his friends...
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  DrMark1961posted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Wait a minute, I have some friends down at the beach that resent that remark.
  Of course, no one around here is into internet dating. Our internet is so slow that....
  (fill in the blank. My connection is too slow to go on.)
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  87
  Jodahposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  I get the picture..
  I know slow..
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  This is why Jodah is such a good forum lover.
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  Jodahposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  That sounds like an interesting group Suzanne. Did you know her from somewhere? Her boyfriend..lol. I've never been anyone's forum lover before I could say more, but I fear we may get kicked out or banned. I hope it was as good for you as.......
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Yep, it was all Doc!
  
  I notice this thread is hidden on main forum - when you post go to main forum and it doesn't show....obviously we are all having too much fun and being rabbity flirty and all that....
  
  Her boyfriend was awful. Total bogan with mullet. Stuff that.
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  Jodahposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Was he one of the characters in your hub about Bogans ?
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  TonyPayneposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  No you don't! If it was that slow you wouldn't get the picture
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Good comeback! Or dare I say....slowback?
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  TonyPayneposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Can't you two stop rabitting on
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  No. We're forum f**kbuddies.
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  Jodahposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  "Ah what's up Doc?" Your hutch or my burrow Suzanne?
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  I hope there's no dynamite waiting in your burrow...
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  Jodahposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Hmm...you never know what Fudd's been up to.
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Food or something else for thought.....hmmm...Fudd....he can keep the dynamite;)
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  PS - I joined some Singles group awhile back on Facebook and this lady befriended me. I thought I knew her from somewhere. Well it turns out she's a swinger and wants me for her boyfriend. I said no, it was gold plated and I wouldn't step near it. So it's all turned out a bit weird and I don't know what else is going to happen on that Group but it sure keeps me entertained!
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  TonyPayneposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Ahh FUD, the motto of Squidoo HQ - Fear Uncertainty & Doubt...
  
  or in Elmer's case (with a double "D"), Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt and ???
  
  Diahorreah?
  Dysentry?
  Doom?
  Depression?
  Does? (sorry, was thinking about Wabbits again)
  
  feel free to submit your own...
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  Jodahposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Despiration or Destructon
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  TonyPayneposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  You want to burrow something?
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  Jodahposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  um...yeah.
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  You guys are funny.
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  Sed-meposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  What does this mean?
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  It's a joke, the rabbits in Australia are a pest gone wild and they breed like crazy.
  
  So when I say "the rabbit is in me", I'm talking about an Aussie joke for err...breeding!
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  Jodahposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Haha Suzanne. I got it because I'm an Aussie, does that make it an (in) breeding joke...haha?
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Double dutch!
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  Sed-meposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  I am still pondering that one.
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Arachneaposted 3 years ago
Okay, okay .... okay.... I'm gonna try for two as I won't be on for a while....

My account page has so many blue arrows it looks like it got caught in a smurf uprising.

My hub traffic is so low that whale dung has merit.
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Arachneaposted 3 years ago
You know, Lisa, I kinda miss Geocities. I had a great page there and it got dumped because I missed the message until it was too late.
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1. 97
  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  I used to LOVE geocities. I had an amazing website with a photo of my dog on it. Totally miss it.
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  Cynthianneposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  I LOVED Geocities!! I also had an awesome website there. :-(
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jeffryvposted 3 years ago
I made a Hub
It was a flub

I made a lens
It bought me a Benz

Now I am just stirring the pot
a lot
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1. 97
  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  I suspect most of the forum knows how you feel. Nice poem!
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  MarieLBposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Hi #jeffryv, that a cute rhyme. U could make money "riting [sic] rhymes'.
  
  Now, I no know nuthin 'bout rhymin. .. . so here's my stash
  
  HubPages Earnings Program: $0.03 so far this month
  
  U reckon we can have a bash down at the Tavern?
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jansharesposted 3 years ago
My total earnings this weekend is so low . . .
How low is it!
My earnings are so low that if I told you the amount in this forum, HP Staff would give me a pass on breaking the TOS rule!

My traffic was soooooo slow the last few days . . .
How slow was it?
My traffic was so slow that it wasn't even moving fast enough for the page views to be counted in my stats!!
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1. 87
  Jodahposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Haha Jan.
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2. 97
  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  I hope your hubber score is x10 to make up for the traffic loss. I mean, best traffic hubs get low scores and quiet hubs get brilliant scores according to hubberscore.
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Suzanne Dayposted 3 years ago
We're on the Hubpages cruiseliner
The seats are all taken
Our tickets have been checked
And we don't know where the f*ck we are
All going yet

(sorry for profanity, but I really like vulgar poetry)
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MarieLBposted 3 years ago
Your traffic is low. Mine is all dead. What's more I think it is going into debit, cause the rating seems to notch one DOWN every couple of hours or so.
If this goes on much longer, I shall have to get out and sign up again!!
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SAQIB6608posted 3 years ago
Red Light does not ON. That much LOW Traffic
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madscientist12posted 3 years ago
My hubber score was a participant on The Biggest Loser and won....

Seriously though, I get tons of traffic so I'm confused why my hubber score dropped...
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1. 81
  Sed-meposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  I guess you missed my knock knock joke.
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DrMark1961posted 3 years ago
Now I am curious as to what you think in Australia when you hear the phrase "the rabbit died". Low Amazon sales?
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1. 97
  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  And low libido too!
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  DrMark1961posted 3 years agoin reply to this
  I would rather give up the Amazon sales.
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Then you're prioritising like a man!!!
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Arachneaposted 3 years ago
There's no business like slow business
like on HP as we know ....

~

1) Knock Knock

2) Who's there?

1) Boo

2) Boo Who

1) There, there, why you cryin'?

2) My stats have fallen and they can't get up!
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1. 97
  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  This is sure fire comedy!!! Clap clap
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jansharesposted 3 years ago
The HP stats are so frozen . . .
(How frozen are they?)
The HP stats are so frozen, even Google's henchmen had to leave: Said the Penguin to the Pandas and Polar Bears, " Yo, I'm out, yo. It's cold as ---- up in here."
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1. 87
  Jodahposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  haha you win Jan.
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  jansharesposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Ha ha ha ha, thanks, Jodah. I have to make myself and others laugh. What else can we do?
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  I wonder what other Arctic animals Google can bring to the table - seals or whales maybe?
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  Jodahposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  Maybe an Orca, the way things are going.
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  Suzanne Dayposted 3 years agoin reply to this
  I almost read that as Oreo, but I don't think Google would be so generous.
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