Shot-gun weddings?

1. 77

   realtalk247posted 9 years ago

   Shot-gun weddings?
   
   "You got her knocked up so you better marry my little girl!" or something like that was spoken from a father to the father to be decades ago.  Now we live in a different society but I wonder was that a better design than what takes place today?  Do you think families and society turned out better when one "did the right thing?"
   Was it better that way?  What are your thoughts? Some would say that was not a good solution to the situation and others will say it turned out okay when life was a little simpler. 
   Would you marry a woman because she's pregnant? Is that a better solution?
   
   

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2. 77

   pippapposted 9 years ago

   Absolutely not!  That type of marriage only makes a bad situation worse.  Dad can find a way to stay in the child's life and make significant contributions to his/her upbringing while making cherished memories for the child of the time they spent with their dad.

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3. 59

   Maxine Paseposted 9 years ago

   No. that's a horrible solution. A child deserves to grow up in a stable, loving home. If the parents are getting married out of obligation rather than love, then they are building on a shaky foundation and will not be able to provide the child with stability and positive example of a loving, reciprocal relationship.
   
   It might make things simpler for everyone else, but it makes things much more complicated for the couple and child. I believe that a lot of the anxiety disorders, depression, and codependent issues of our generation stem from previous generations acting out of societal and familial obligation.
   
   On another note, "You got her knocked up so you better marry my little girl!" is an incredibly sexist statement. Assuming that the sex was consensual, the woman is just as responsible as the man for the pregnancy and is perfectly capable of making parenting decisions and supporting herself without having to depend on the man to take care of her.
   
   It is possible for both parents to be a stable, loving influence in the child's life without committing their lives to one another simply because that's what others expect.

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   1. 85

      gmwilliamsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Forced marriages are egregious barbaric. It is better for the young woman who is pregnant to have an abortion whether than to have an unwanted child or be in a forced, hypocritical marriage.

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4. 80

   dashingscorpioposted 9 years ago

   A marriage that is based upon circumstances rather than love is likely to fail. There is no way I would have married a woman simply because she was pregnant.
   If (she chose) to have the child I would do my part financially to support the baby but I couldn't marry a woman I didn't love.
   One of the reasons shotgun weddings are passé is because of better career opportunities and higher pay for women.
   In the "shot-gun" days the vast majority of women had to rely on a man's income for stability. There's no longer a stigma either .
   Abortion was also illegal in most places, and many of today's birth control options didn't exist including the Plan B pill. There may be accidental pregnancies but there are no accidental births. Legally only a woman can make that determination.
   Even if a man wanted a child he can't make her have one for him.
   I suspect whenever two people get married who do not love one another odds are if they stay together there will be infidelity, verbal/physical abuse, and the children will suffer from growing up in a loveless toxic environment.

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   1. 85

      gmwilliamsposted 9 years agoin reply to this

      Of course, a forced marriage is a HELLISH marriage.  Such couples will eventually hate each other, even hate the child for forcing them to marry & be miserable.

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5. 85

   gmwilliamsposted 9 years ago

   
   
   Shot gun "marriages" are totally egregious in nature.  No person should be FORCED to marry whatever circumstances.  In the past and/or among some really atavistic conservative cultures, a young woman who become pregnant was considered a liability of sorts, even a disgrace.  The consensus was that she was to remain intact until marriage & pregnancy was seen to "ruin" this image so in the eyes of such "parents", the situation had to be remedied thus forced marriages were seen as this remedy. 
   
   However, such couples are unhappy because the marriage occurred as a sense of obligation rather than love.  In these atavistic conservative cultures, having a baby outside of marriage was & still is viewed as a severe mortal transgression so the marriage occurred to give the child "a name".  To reiterate again, marriage in such circumstances is not conducive to the happiness of the couple & the child.  However, there are people who vehemently argue that happiness is not important but duty & responsibility rules over all things.
   
   In the times that shot gun marriages occurred, it was considered a disgrace or immoral for a young woman to be a single mother.  The single mother was looked down upon> It was the overwhelming cultural & societal consensus that a child needed two parents to raise him/her.  If a young woman was pregnant, it was considered the "honorable" and "responsible" thing to marry her.  Also, one didn't want to have the "dubious" status to raise an "illegitimate" child.  In many sociocultural communities, cultures, &/or societies, THAT ISN'T ALLOWED AT ALL! 
   
   This phenomena of shot gun weddings tend to occur within very conservative lower middle and working class communities &/or societies where there was a very strict sense of morality & ethics.  Women & men in such socioeconomic strata are strictly stratified in terms of gender roles & behaviors in which there were penalties for defying such roles & behaviors.  In solidly middle, upper middle, & upper classes, young women who became pregnant had the situation remedied through abortion because they had the monetary means to do so.  Lower middle & working class young women had to marry out of a strict code honor & because they did not have the monetary means for an abortion.

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