I live in a neighborhood where most of my friends are stay at home moms. In fact, this fall, every one of them is. When our group is together, they all have stories about their daytime shopping, cooking and school room helper adventures. They must be Superwoman. But I don't have these stories because I work outside the home. I work 40 hours a week and make slightly more than my husband and since we have 4 kids, staying home just isn't an option.
Don't think I don't dream about staying home. I absolutely do. (I got a chance at it for 6 months after i was laid off.) I'd like to be the mom who all the other kids and teachers know, but I haven't even met 2 of my kids' teachers this year. I'd love to have elaborate meals every night because I have time to shop and prepare for them, but I toss ingredients in a crock pot and leave. I'd love for my house to be a reflection of my Pinterest pin boards because I need to fill time during the day with fun projects, but my house is pretty barren and I'm sure everything was made in China.
I miss moments of teaching, coaching and molding my kids because I work outside the home. I miss field trips, plays, lunches and a whole bunch of "firsts," but I have to think that I do a lot of good for my kids by working.
First, I'm teaching them the ethics of working, and working hard to be the best you can be. I'm teaching my daughters that they can and should be self-sufficient and independent. I'm teaching them that having kids does not mean your life is over. I'm also teaching them that just because you have a job, doesn't mean you get everything you want. We want for a lot in my house. I don't define myself with my job because I am not my job. I am my kids mother, my husband's wife, and a best friend to all of them. I work in a Chaplain's office at a hospital, so I do some pretty important work that I get financially rewarded for but the best reward is hearing my daughters brag to their friends that I work in a hospital. I'm not a nurse or doctor, but to them, I'm a neurosurgeon just because I work in a hospital. And they want to be just like me when they grow up.
I still make their lunches, make dinner every night, have art nights, cookie making nights, movie nights and say prayers and read the Bible to them every night. I still go on dates with my husband, do his and everyone else's laundry, decorate for holidays and my house is almost always impeccably clean. And I work outside the home.
I'm sure if my husband ever got a huge promotion (he's a cop, so that will probably never happen), I would stay home with my youngest. But, I enjoy that I'm teaching all my kids that a woman's role is far more than a mother. It's the role of mother, wife, employee, friend, teacher, cleaner and well, it's Superwoman.
Yes It is the right thing to have each and every relation and job at its place. But teaching own kids is far more difficult than either job. I have also the Same idea to give the proper time to each and every assignment at it's time.
Madeline, I think you're doing great. Make sure you set aside a little time for you, though. Sounds like you're busy every moment of every day. Your kids will respect you for the effort you are making. I promise. Don't feel guilty for working outside the home. When my children became adults they had the same work ethic as I did and were far more committed and productive than many of their peers.
Of course they didn't think I was the perfect mother, although I think as they are getting older and seeing how many of their childhood friends are turning out, I am becoming a little closer to perfect in their eyes.
I am a working too and I tend to be workaholic but I see to it I still make a time for my kids and for myself. But there's no harder job than being a mom, spending quality time and teaching them but I know soon it will pay off, same to you my dear. God bless all the mom.
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It means discussions lead nowhere, yet warm the heart anyway.
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