my son is 3 years old what age would be best to tell him about his biological fa

1. 50

   jordie87posted 15 years ago

   my son is 3 years old what age would be best to tell him about his biological father
   
   his biological father has just started to pay an interest in him and taking me to court to do this my son already knows my husband as his daddy and think he is too young to be told yet as i am due to have another baby in 12weeks and he will be starting nursary in january.

   replyreport
2. 62

   Lisa HWposted 15 years ago

   It sounds like you have a complicated situation there; and I would think your best bet would be to ask your pediatrician for a recommendation for a family therapist, from whom you could get sound advice.  Someone else who may be able to offer you some kind of guidance may be someone through the court.  Maybe you should call the court clerk's office and ask whether a social worker or psychologist will/may be brought into the case.  Another potentially helpful person (that you either have or need) would be an attorney.  An attorney could probably also recommend a social worker or psychologist who might best know how to handle telling (or not telling) your son right now.
   
   Not that your son has necessarily been adopted by your husband (but just as a guideline), in the case of adopted children it is generally believed that telling them they are adopted as young as possible is best.  I would think, regardless of your situation, something similar may apply.  With the baby coming, though,  I can see how you would be particularly concerned.
   
   If your son was adopted by your husband that would mean the biological father had already had his parental rights terminated.  If your son was not adopted, but you've allowed him to believe your husband is his father, then you've created a complicated situation.  Particularly because a new baby is on the way, I think it might be helpful to you and your son if you sought the advice of a professional on this.

   replyreport
3. 0

   BIKTMIAposted 14 years ago

   That is a complicated issue to decide upon.  When I found out young that I was not a biological child to my adopted parents it changed everything inwardly for me.  To many un answered questions its opens up.    I still think it is better to hear it from the parent than from someone else the correct age,   that really is a decision I think measuring depending upon do you feel your child will recieve it well or not . I wouldn't advise a change at such a young age to much to handle. Timing is a big factor. Reviewing all that is currently present in your life.

   replyreport
4. 58

   nscposted 14 years ago

   Simple...
   Tell your son when you are ready or when your son starts asking. He is 2 and him starting school and you about to have a baby has nothing to do with a new man being introduced to his life, IN FACT, he is so young...he wouldn't even remember his dad NOT being his father.
   
   This will only help him later to not have to deal with drama from all aspects of a seperated home.
   
   He can call both of the men Dad, he will decide which one he feels is more his father as his relationships develop with both of the men.
   
   Sometimes you need to stop controling a situation in order to gain control of a situation.
   
   Your son has every right to know who his father is and let him spend time with him...Take your resentment out of the equation.
   
   If your son is not in danger by being with his dad, then you should do the right thing.
   
   Point is he will be loved, by everyone, and that's all he needs to grow and be a wonderful person.

   replyreport
5. 61

   xpressionzposted 14 years ago

   coming from experience i would say as soon as you feel comfortable with your son knowing this info and if he is able to understand it all. my experience was that the man i had called dad all my life and still do was actually no relation of mine at all but him and his wife adopted me from birth in 1985 sadly his wife (my mum) passed away in 1986 when i was only 1 so i never knew her but my dad told me when i was 5 that he had adopted me and he told me of my biological family... today i live in australia close to my biological mum and siblings my adopted father passed in 2002 and i have only just found out who my real dad is...not that the one i have will ever be replaced...but im 24 now and feel that ill never meet or get to know my real dad cause too many years have passed and i never knew how to find him till now...

   replyreport
6. 61

   ElderRedwoodposted 14 years ago

   The fact that his biological father wants court action to claim his child make the issue less complicated. It is important that the child knows his or her biological father and since you are being forced into making that decision  at this early age,... read more

   replyreport
7. 60

   lavanyasenthilposted 13 years ago

   once u are hundred percent sure your son he can accept this and this will don have any sort of mental effect on him u can tell him. else wait for the right time. even it may take months to years but it is all your son who is important take care not to hurt him

   replyreport