How do you bring up Teens, not to raise their voice at you?
I’m sure we’ve all seen Teenagers scream at their parents and be so disrespectful. It’s painful to watch. How can it be dealt with? If you are a Teen parent, how do you deal with it?
You start teaching them respect for their parents and elders when they are young (not when they are teens). Then you discipline them when they do not show this respect, start out slow for those of you that don’t believe in spanking it may be hard for you but at least put them in their room, time out or take away privileges. Myself personally I would wear their butt's out. This is not something that you can start to teach when they are teens, at this age they already have very little respect for anything and are not likely to develop any at this age. This is just my opinion on the matter I don’t want any nasty e-mails because I choose to spank my kids. It worked for my parents and it has worked for me I have two wonderful children that are very respectful saying yes sir/mam and no sir/mam they do not yell at me or my wife they know it will not be tolerated by either of us. My friends comment when they call that they are so polite in and out of the home. I’m not saying beat the hell out of them just let them know you mean business..
Respect is something parents must teach and insist upon when kids are very young because it is much easier for them to grow up knowing it than to try to teach a teenager. If teens are being disrespectful the parents must own that responsibility for not addressing it at an early age - the very first time it happens!
But now that they are teens and something needs to be done parents need to make a firm stand. Organize a plan - yes write down! Think it out! Consider how you may have contributed to the making of this brat. Take ownership and see what you can do to improve your relationship. You know your child and what ticks him off! Pick a time when the child is in a good mood and sit down to talk about the behavior. Have your plan ready. Let the teen know that such acting out cannot continue. Be calm and direct, never yell or get physical - because this is the exact behavior you are trying to change in the child. Ask why he acts the way that he does. Discuss your expectations, share your plan, and vow to stick to it! If need be seek counseling.
GoGranny had great advice, IMO. And I think you have to treat them how you'd want to be treated. Try this; in a calm voice, tell them if such-and-such doesn't improve, you'll take away some privilege or item that's dear to them -- for awhile -- and then make sure you do! If you don't shout at them(as they grow up), they aren't as likely to do so. Voicing your displeasure can be done effectively in a diliberate, calm manner. Try a week without video games/PC access. Lock away the mp3 player. But remember to also reward the good behavior... maybe go above and beyond at times. You want to remain close to them and share with them why something should or should not be done. I don't believe they can continue to shout if you don't respond in kind.
I wouldn't say that I was like that to my mother (no teen would think so probably) but when I did raise my voice, she would stop the topic and just get mad about that every time. About how I am not to every think about doing that to anyone and especially to her. So, I'm talking for myself, but I think if any teen kept getting cut off to discuss that instead of what I was originally saying, they eventually stop. It's not worth it. It's a lose lose situation. My mother got mad, and I didn't get anything out of it then a lecture so I stopped. I think it's just persistence and the teen gives up because they are not getting their way. If you give in or let it continue then I think it will continue. She would say something like, "every time you keep testing me, you will not get what you want, because all you are doing is making me mad and I will not stand to be treated in that way, I do not treat you that way." It was something like that, so looking back I was wrong, but at the time I didn't look at it fully that way just that I'm not getting anywhere. So, persistence. Hope that helps from a teen that did go through a bratty stage. Nip it in the bud? It that the saying I've heard? Sounds like Dr. Phil..LOL
hello. This is my answer for your question,
http://hubpages.com/hub/How-to-Deal-wit … -Teenagers
Yell at them until they stop. Just kidding.
There is a great program at www.thetotaltransformation.com that is highly effective.
Most teens that yell at their parents were allowed to act out toward their parents inappropriately when they were younger. Kids have to have boundaries. Although not a perfect parent, I have a 20 year old girl and a 17 year old boy and this was never a problem. Their mother and I administered discipline when they were young and they knew by the time they were teenagers that yelling and disrespect were inappropriate and wouldn't be tolerated. You can be loving and tough at the same time. It's much harder to unwind bad behavior later in life than it is to plant those seed when they're young. That's where the Total Transformation comes in.
You should know how to be firm, but it is also helpful to pick your battles. Teens go through a lot of physical, emotional and hormonal changes so it is good to keep this in mind. Here is a quick list with 8 tips on raising teens:
You can't prevent them from doing that. You need to give them sovereignty over themselves. If they raise their voice at you then there must be a reason for it. It is not different from any other human being raising his/her voice at you.
Teens are at an age where they are learning about coping mechanisms, but they should and need to express their anger appropriately. If one of the girls yells or disrespects me - I send them to their room to think about what is really making them angry and how they could have handled the situation better.
Those who speak the quietest win!
I am a parent of a teenage son and when he raises his voice at me ..I ask him how he would feel if I would answer him like that.. I think you must have respect for each other.. He doesnt raise his voice very often and I do believe this is why he doesnt ..he stops to think how that would feel
It was never much of a problem for us. We never tolerated being talked back to, or arguing with us. We called them on it every time which can be tiring but you have to do it every time. We told them, "We don't speak to you like that, so we want that same courtesy." We always made sure we listened to their side of things, and discussed it calmly. We were not spankers so that was not an option for us.
The easiest thing is to let it pass, but it isn't what is best for the relationship. Our kids had a lot of freedom and we were not overly strict except on a few issues and they were non-negotiable. Honesty and respect.
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